It's been a long time since i spoke to you and i really miss you. So this is going to be a long random conversation and i hope you're ready.

I don't even remember the last thing i said to you. A few days ago, i was planning out in my head, the stuff i would talk about. But now, i don't even remember most of it. I have been watching Grey's Anatomy for the past couple of weeks. I am completely addicted to it, completely. I think i'm a Christina, or an Alex. Not Meredith or George for sure. And not Burke or Shepherd either. I love Addison. and I love Bailey. I think they're awesome. I hate Meredith and Derek, cos i don't think she's worth all the fuss and i think he's a wus. I also really like Torres, and Sloane.

But like i said, i think i'm a Christina or an Alex. I'm cold and clean, and i tell the truth. In fact, i might just be the combination of the two. I don't know. I have been watching all the way from season 1 to 4. Everyday i watch about 5 or 6 episodes and every day i cry about 5 or 6 times. I don't know if it's because i'm really sad or if it's just that i'm touched by the characters and their stories. I think it might be both.

The thing is, all this sadness and all this crying every single day; it's having a effect on me. I don't know if this is possible but i might be getting more sad, the more i watch the show and even though i cry everyday and relieve the sadness, it builds up again and again. I feel sad because my life is not like the doctors/interns. I feel sad because i don't have anything nearly as exciting going on in my life and i'm sad because i feel for the characters and what happens on the show.

I laugh when i compare my life to the lives of the people in the TV shows i watch. It makes me feel so absolutely pathetic. How sad can that be right? I mean i'm jealous of fictional characters!

Work is mundane already. The people i work with confuse and annoy my at times. I don't like when they speak Chinese continuously and then half way through the conversation say, "Oh, sorry." and then say one or 2 sentences in English (for our benefit) and then unconsciously go back to Chinese. Sigh. i don't expect much from them, but i think they expect a lot from me.

I think they have a skewed impression of me and i'm worried. Worried that the cover will be blown, even though i did not willingly put any cover on.

So i cry everyday. Everyday for the past 2 weeks or so. Everyday. it's my thing now. I'm an emotional, unstable girl who can't pull it together. It's sad, i would pity me. But forget about that.

So i think about a lot of things these days. I have time on the journey to and from work. I watch people and observe them and judge them. I am impressed by people i see for a few minutes on the train and i get happy when i have a seat. It's a simple pleasure, but it's a pleasure. I saw the most well dressed pregnant woman the other day. I am so in awe of her. She was wearing the perfect pregnant working lady outfit. She looks demure yet powerful. She looked strong and impressive and she commanded respect, but not favors. it's the first pregnant working lady i've seen and that has impressed me a lot.

I'm back at school right now. I was going to reformat my computer, but i got bored and left half way. So now my windows partition is only half installed. haha! Oh well, at least the Mac partition is fine.

I think about the many ways i can spend the money i will be earning. There are so many things i could buy. I like this feeling of being able to buy things. I don't even need to buy anything, i just need the freedom to be able to do so.

I have become a geek or a nerd or whatever you call it. Now things like clothes and shoes don't attract me. MacBooks and iPod touches make me crazy though. It's sad. or maybe not. I guess that's why all the nerds or geeks or whatever are not that well dressed. It's because they spend all their money on gadgets and they don't have any left for good clothes. Plus they don't give it that much importance.

My sister is in America for the Work and Travel thing. She can describe places in such an awesome way, i feel like i'm there. I don't know if i would be able to do that. She says i would totally fit in there because of all the TV and consumerism.

I think i would totally fit in. You see, i might be Indian on the outside and i might have grown up in India. But the fact is, I am brainwashed by all the American TV shows and i think in that same way. Inside, i am just part of American TV shows. I don't even know what to think about that.

Anyway, things seem to be 'i don't know' for me. I don't know what to do. I don't know how to live. I don't know what is happening to me.

There's this line in one of the Grey's Anatomy episodes. I think it was in the Season 2 super bowl episode. Meredith says that she "has a feeling." Right now, I have a feeling. But i don't know what it is.

I have a feeling. and it's gonna stay here. I am like Christina and Alex. Cold, clean, truth.

I don't know if i'm okay, or if i'll ever really be okay. I hope so.

Thanks for listening,

sourspicy: a feeling ...

Warren Ellis mentioned Sleepbot in a twitter last week and I checked it out because I didn't know what it was.

So here I am, a week later, totally addicted to writing to the sounds of Sleepbot. Totally.

As it turns out, they do. This also might sound cliche and lame, but I've re-discovered how fun it can be having my own little community of (in this case) like-minded web 2.0 geek friends to keep up with. I'm glad I'm not the only one who thinks the same thing.

Whatknows has put some real thinking into what Twitter does. He also has some great advice:

People complain that Twitter is just “one more thing”, and I guess it kind of is, but I’m not convinced that it has to be. I originally joined Twitter to see if this “one more thing” was something worth adding, but over time have grown mildly fond of my 140 character updates. The recommendation I would give those who are not quite sure how to integrate Twitter into their lives (or visa versa) is to mix it into something you already know and do. We all update our Facebook status. And what is Twitter if not the Facebook status minus the Facebook?

True dat.

We'll see what happens once my summer classes begin, but in the meantime I'm hooked. So if you're not already on it, join up so I can stalk you.

Sicuramente a tutti capita di fare sogni strambi, soprattutto sogni a sfondo sessuale, come capitò a me, solo che era un incubo, in cui io avevo sia il pene che la vagina. Che paura, era proprio un brutto sogno, io me lo volevo tagliare ma non c'era verso, macchè, e non lo volevo, ma più che non lo volevo e più che cresceva! Quella notte, dormiva con me il mio all'epoca (non so come definirlo) "ragazzo"? insomma, questo povero ragazzo. Quando mi svegliai, la tragedia. E anche lui si sveglia, ovviamente, dal momento che ero tutta sgomentata

«Ma che cazzo ti prende?» dice non proprio cordiale mentre accende la luce.

«No aiuto che brutta cosa, Ho il pene. Ho sognato di avere un pene. Che vuol dire? Che voglio un pene? Che detesto mia madre? Che voglio farmela? Che la detesto perché non voglio farmela? Che voglio evirare mio padre? Eh? Che voglio penetrare una donna? Ora scoprirò di essere lesbica e ti lascerò? Mi dispiace. Giuro, non volevo un pene. Non ho mai voluto un pene. A me è sempre andato bene il tuo di pene»

Sto per mettermi a piangere.

«Cioè, quello lì bastava e avanzava. Cosa faccio adesso? Devo lasciarti dopo un po’ o è meglio farlo subito?»

«...»

«Certo, hai ragione. Forse è meglio farlo subito. Mi perdonerai, vero? Non volevo finisse così. Mi prendi quel libro di Freud laggiù? Per favore. Io non me la sento. Leggi il paragrafo due. C’è scritto tutto. Ma vai tu. Ho paura che se mi alzo sentirò ancora quel coso immondo tra le cosce»

«Chiara...»

«Singhiozzare si addice ad una donna con un pene?»

«chiara....»

«Sì, lo so. Lo so, lo so. Ho un subconscio stronzo. Avrei dovuto dirtelo prima, ma cosa ne sapevo io? Eh? Cosa?»

«...»

«Sono una squilibrata. Come ho fatto a non accorgermene? Dovevo immaginarlo. Ti prego, perdonami. È tutta colpa mia. Forse dovevo.. »

«OH!»

«Eh..» lo guardo spaurita.

«Guarda lì»

Lì c’è un comodino e vedo solo quello. Non capisco.

Ed ecco la rivelazione della vergogna.

Sul comodino c’è Middlesex. Per farla breve (ma molto breve), la storia di un uomo che è nato donna, che solo durante l’infanzia scopre di avere sotto lo stomaco dei genitali maschili pronti ad uscire e che, da quel momento in poi, sarà per sempre un uomo.

Guardo il libro impietrita. L'immobilità della vergogna. Quando mi rigiro, lui mi guarda sbadigliando sguaiatamente, con l’espressione di uno che sta aspettando, forse il momento giusto per mandarmi a fare in culo. Apro la bocca come a voler dire qualcosa, ma la richiudo.
Lo guardo.

«Ah»

«Già»

«Già» dico anch’io, e poche volte mi sono sentita una cotale testa di minchia.

«Ora possiamo tornare a dormire, no?»

«Già»

È seguita una controllatina verificatrice, da cui è emerso chiaramente che, se vorrò un pene, non sarà mai il mio.

Bom, eu primeiramente gostaria de pedir desculpas sobre minha ausência no site, temos uns dias sem postar, mas é por uma boa causa...

Estou preparando a nova versão do blog, que deve ir ao ar ainda nesta semana, portanto acessem o Apple Addicted pelo novo endereço appleaddicted.com.br assim que estiver pronto o site será atualizado.

O novo Apple Addicted terá como base o Wordpress.org e não mais o Wordpress.com, portanto é como se estivessemos criando um novo blog/site, nossas matérias continuarão intactas.

Só faltam alguns ajustes e correções... Ah, além da base, e do endereço teremos uma pequena mudança no design, espero que gostem!

Um Abraço!
Victor Anselme

Mi piace lost, ma dopo l'episodio numero 12 non so come si metteranno le cose, e quella puntata non mi è piaciuta granchè.

The band already has a radio hit with their song, Addicted, and judging from the other songs on their debut, this is just the first taste of success for Saving Abel.

At first, I was ready to dismiss, Saving Abel, as another Nickelback clone, but after a couple of spins, I thought their music has a slightly heavier edge. Some songs fall into that safe radio ready rock area, but as a whole I found this CD highly listenable.

Jared Weeks has a very clean sounding voice, and it really starts to shine on some of the slow to mid tempo numbers. I can hear some southern rock influences in Saving Abel's music, although it isn't predominant throughout the record, it is obviously a factor in the songs 18 Days and Drowning (Face Down).

The record has several hit worthy tunes include the heavier numbers, New Tattoo, In God's Eyes, and 18 Days.

If you are a fan of mainstream rock, you will probably like this record a lot. If you are an old school 80's rock fan, this album may not excite you as much. There really isn't a band song on this disc, and it is available for the paltry sum of $7.99 at Amazon.com. You can listen to several of the tunes here at the Saving Abel myspace page. Check 'em out.

Rating:Out of 10

Warning: The following video is an uncensored version of Addicted. This video is not work safe, nor is it appropriate for minors.

Track Listing:

1. New Tattoo
2. Addicted
3. She Got Over Me
4. 18 Days
5. Drowning (Face Down)
6. In God's Eyes
7. Sailed Away
8. Beautiful Day
9. Out Of My Face
10. Running From You
11. Beautiful You

Saving Abel is:
Jason Null - Guitar
Jared Weeks - Vocals
Scott Bartlett - Guitar
Blake Dixon - Drums
Eric Taylor - Bass

Download Crappy Geek Big Emoticon Pack NOW!

Download Crappy Geek Big Emoticon Pack NOW!

I would for one month give up an item/ commodity/luxury that I loved. Okay seems easy enough. The first task was to identify what was on my loved list. Well, I wanted to start off with something relatively easy so non-veg food was the first item I chose to drop in the month of January.

January: ideally I would have lied to start off on 31^st December night but there had been a party at my place and the kebabs left over had to be eaten. So I started off on Jan 4. the first few days were relatively easy but then by day 10 the cravings hit and I could think only fish and chicken. But by the time it was 20 days up I was ready to give it up for real. In fact, at one point I had reached a thought of giving up non-veg completely towards the end. Surprisingly, my mother was against this and asked me to cut down rather than stop completely. I finished this deal on the feb 4 and as a celebration on that day had really nice prawns and pomfret with dad. The next day I had chicken with Shakti. My current thinking process though is to reduce the amount of non-veg I eat restricting it to only twice a week.

February: Ok for this month I wanted to try something more difficult. So I have decided to give up chatting. Now if you know me you will know that I am really into chatting. In fact, there are times that I come on the comp only to chat and I can very happily wile away 3-4 hours just chatting. Doing this also required more determination as the thing is that unlike food cravings that hit me only after 10 days or so the chat craving hit me on day one. I think I am addicted so I was suffering from withdrawal symptoms. Also the thing is that the food cravings happen only during lunch/ dinner, chat cravings happen all the time. 24/7. But I must admit, that after the initial five days things got a lot more bearable. In fact, I no longer itch to hit the chat mode. On the up-side, I have finished 5 books in these days and I am currently reading three at one go. On the down side, my phone bill has hit 1000 after the cheaper mode of chatting was removed and I now have to rely only on my cell phone to keep in touch with the outside world. Parents are going to have a fit.

Well, that’s when I lost all enthusiasm and gave up the whole New Year resolution idea. Moral of the story…don’t start something impossible to finish. Cheers!!

Esta semana não postamos muitas matérias pois estamos com um projeto para o AppleAddicted.

Como vocês sabem, nós usamos o Wordpress.com para manter o nosso blog, bem até agora.

Vamos usar o Wordpress.org como plataforma, enquanto fazemos a migração, você já pode acessar nosso site pelo nosso novo endereço. Quando estiver tudo pronto, você acessará e nem sentirá nada... ou melhor, verá que nosso site mudou pois com a mudança nosso layout será melhorado.

Este será um grande passo para nosso blog, enfim vamos ser independentes, poderemos implantar várias novidades.

Isso tudo graças, e para vocês leitores.

A partir de hoje acesse nosso blog pelo endereço: appleaddicted.com.br
(modifique o endereço nos seus favoritos)

Mais detalhes em breve...

Victor Anselme e Raphael Jaber,
Blog Apple Addicted.

A Apple está pesquisando um "controle remoto 3D" para seu set-top box, o Apple TV.

O controle teria uma tecnologia bem parecida com o controle do Nintendo Wii. Ele detecta os eixos X, Y e Z e trará algumas funcões como o multitouch trouxe para o MacBook Air e MacBook Pro.

Funções como "zoom in", "zoom out", "point position", "pan".

Quem sabe com isso o Apple TV não ganha uns joguinhos?

Victor Anselme

9. "Filtrezi" totul, fie ca te uiti la un film, urmaresti o piesa de teatru, citesti un articol, sau imparti un moment cu prietenii sau copii tai... te gandesti daca e "material" bun de blog

8. Intrebi vanzatorul masinii noi daca e "Widget ready".
7. Ti-ai abandonat toti prietenii pentru prietenii de pe blog ca na..."ei inteleg"

6. Te incurajezi singur spunandu-ti "ma pot opri in orice moment"

5. Ora de masa a devenit ora de blogging.

4. La 5 minute dupa ce ai intalnit o persoana interesant o intrebi "Si.. ai blog?"

3. Seful tau, pe care il dispretuiesti, iti spune ca ai facut o treaba buna la ultimul proiect si ca te va propune pentru o marire de salar. Iar tu raspunzi.."Pot sa te citez pe blog cu asta?"

2. Pe C.V.-ul tau la referinte iti treci blogroll-ul

1. Nu ai prieteni in cartierele rau famate ca nu cumva googel-ul sa te penalizeze pentru legaturi cu "bad neighborhoods"

Is it just me? Because I have no idea why I’m still watching this show…Why are they even bothering with it at this point when the whole damn thing has already been decided.

51 million votes, with the Top 3 coming in within 1 million votes of one another. Oh whatever. Yawn. The Wisdom of Randy Jackson? Uh, ok. It’s not wise to want an underage Mormon Eunuch to rub cocoa butter all over your body while yelling out that's molten hot and yeah dawg.

Group Sing Suckage

The Chosen Eunuch is the FIRST solo, as well as the LAST solo (The one to present Ricky Minor's solo. Ricky Minor needs more love and more airtime because he's basically just a post-modern musical version of Nat from The Peach Pit on 90210.)

Stoner J looks soooo happy because he just wants to go home. Christ, this choreography is terrible. Love how the Eunuch and D-Cook are paired together...AGAIN. Has anyone else noticed the only person who actually looks like they’re having fun during this is the Eunuch? Doesn’t he realize they all look like complete idiots? Probably not. Don't you watch South Park? They either have sing-a-longs or board games after dinner in Mormon households. I guess it's just an average Wednesday night in Casa Eunuch.

Coretta Scott Mercado is wearing a sequined tank top to recapture last night’s piss poor Tina impersonation. Coretta Scott Mercado told Billboard magazine SHE HAS A DREAM! (She plans on winning a Grammy, Oscar and a Tony.)

Oh Supermercado, I have dreams, too. I want to win a Best Original Screenplay Oscar. And at least 2 Pulitzers. And I want to sleep with Nigel Barker, George Clooney, Christian Bale and Eric Bana. And save Darfur, yeah, that’s a good place to want to save, right? I also want to end Google's monopoly on search engine technology and force Rachael Ray into permanent hiding. And I'm going to get rid of Scientology and stupid romantic comedies with wedding in the title. See? I got lots of lofty (er, ridiculous) dreams, too!!

OH EUNUCH, SHUT THE FRAK UP. Quit this humble shit. You’ve never been in the Bottom 2 and Randy wants you to rub cocoa butter all over his plump Bedazzled body, which I suspect, your father may have already forced you to do to get a guarantee you’ll win this silly competition. He’s also said connect 7 times in 60 seconds. So if you sing a song to your dog, I guess you connect with it. Don't you think that's kind of sad? Sometimes, I come home drunk and play One My Own from Les Miserables and sing it to my frakking cat, who subsequently runs away from me. Maybe that, too, is connecting with a song, but both myself and my cat know for a fact its beyond pathetic.

(On Board Game night in Casa Enunch, I bet his favorite game is Connect Four...It's all about the connection, don't you see? It's all really, really DEEP.)

Coretta Scott Mercado is all smiles for the camera in the waiting room. Commercial break. Let’s point out again how THE EUNUCH IS IN THE TOP 3!!

Idol Contestants on a Private Jet to...Vegas!

[dailymotion id=x5ch0t]

Stoner J brings his guitar to Vegas, D-Cook does not. Stoner J is legit, man! He’s as legit as cannabis at The Bullfrog in Amsterdam. He wants to sleep in the private jet’s bed while in the air, which might actually be possible, for him at least, on such a short flight because I would bet he has perfected the fine art of the weed nap. Anyhow…

Are those UNLV sorority girls camped outside the Mirage? Maybe the Claymates were having a convention in town and they were called for the gig, too, because some middle-aged fraus were in line for Idol goodness. I’m not saying these people don’t have fans, per se, but it’s Vegas, and well, famous and semi-famous people are always hanging out in Vegas. And that’s a lot of people cheering for these kids…in Vegas.

I love animals and I LOVE dolphins.
–- Coretta Scott Mercado

Now they’re getting makeovers. I guess they are providing a lot of their own clothes this year because Coretta’s dress is a BCBG from the 2005 Summer Season. I have the same dress but in black with white polka dots. Not to say she doesn’t look good, but for some reason, I really thought these kids got a weekly clothing allowance and kind of went to town. Anyway, once again, I digress…

I love how Stoner J seems to get the most attention in Vegas, fan-wise. It’s perfect. He’s the first American Idol Folk Hero. Or American Idol Anti-Hero. Regardless what goes down tonight, I love this kid.

David Cook…hmmm…I did peg you to be in the Bottom 2, based on placement and “shock value”. But they’re bringing you out right behind the Eunuch again, which would drive home the whole David vs. David final the producers have been ramming down our throats like a bulemic's finger. Of course you're safe, D-Cook, now sit your ass on that couch next to the Eunuch and keep prepping for all those promo shots in 2 weeks.

Coretta Scott Mercado just smiled and waved again. This girl, whoa, it’s kind of crazy, really. She’s shown more “personality” during these last couple of weeks and frankly, maybe she should have stayed more…vanilla? Because she’s taken on the Mormon Brooke syndrome, although in a different way. Mormon Brooke was overly sincere while Syesha looks more and more insincere each time she speaks. But the result remains the same: The more she opens her mouth, the less I like her.

MATADORS AND FORD AND JOHNNY CASH OH MY

Ok. How awesome was Stoner J doing his little dance-y matador ole move? This guy is so endearing because he just doesn’t care, and the less he cares, the more I like him and would consider buying his album or seeing him play somewhere just because he’s probably one of the most genuine contestants I’ve ever seen on this shit show. He just wants to have fun. And really. How can you continue to have fun when the judges have done everything in their power (ahem, Randy) to get your ass booted? Oh. And the Eunuch looks frakking ridiculous in turquoise matador’s ensemble. I know I rip on this kid but I really do feel sorry for him. They’re making him a virtual NAMBLA poster boy.

Bullshit pre-taped section of show commences…

(Pinky, I am sooo buying you the Taylor Hicks commorative postage stamps for your wedding, so you have something else to lick from time to time.)

Q&A…so unbelievably lame. Emily, 24, from Pittsburgh wants to take D-Cook out for a date when he’s in town on her birthday during the Idol tour. Uh, ok, sweetheart.

Sarah, 14, from Indiana wants to know what was the biggest challenge everyone has had to overcome. Now I am hearing We Shall Overcome play in my head as I picture footage from the March on Washington and countless sit-ins taking place in the American South 40-50 years ago. Coretta Scott Mercado once was forced to give up a seat to a white man on the bus. Coretta Scott Mercado was also arrested during the WATTS riots. Coretta Scott Mercado was the first black woman delegate for the 1968 Democratic convention…Ooops, I’m getting ahead of myself. Should un-pause this shit show to get it over with and stop typing for a moment.

I, uh, just the brain being dead.
–- Stoner J

Of course, I really wanted him to say his biggest challenge was being without his bong and Northern Lights stash, but that answer still works for me!

These Q&A sessions are so ridiculously awkward, but uh, Theresa from Detroit does not sound 42, but whatever, sometimes people think I sound like a man when I answer the phone so perhaps I should not criticize.

I cannot believe I noticed Howie Mandel in the audience. I need to stop watching this show ASAP.

Maroon 5, a band which, well, I don’t quite understand what they’re doing. And I don't really like them...but then they sometimes surprise me, if the sun is shining a certain way or oh hell, I don't know. They’re like pop-rock with a touch of Jameriqui sometimes? And Adam Levine looks like a sometimes hot poor man’s version of Christian Bale, but not quite. But I sometimes find myself enjoying the occasional Maroon 5 song on the radio when I’m driving home, so I guess I can't hate-hate them. But Jesus, they kind of suck when performing live.

I think they flashed to some people in the audience I’m supposed to recognize and might look vaguely familiar, but I have no clue who they were. Guess Luke Menard couldn’t get tickets for a second night, but maybe they’ll let him on American Idol Extra if he’s lucky.

For some reason, Adam Levine is kind of…funny…like more so than that douchebag John Mayer. But didn’t they both bang that Simpson girl?

BO BICE ALERT! BO BICE ALERT!

I have always made it clear Bo Bice is one of my favorite contestants ever to grace the Idol stage. Hell, he’s the one of the only reasons I even started watching this shit show. He is so much better when he’s performing his brand of Southern Rock and not the crap they made him record for that first CD. I still think this guy pioneered the way for more interesting performers on this show…Taylor Hicks, Chris Daughtry, Amanda Overmyer, Bucky Covington, Stoner J, David Cook…well, at least those are the ones I can think of. Bo Bice is not only talented, but he seems like a great guy — humble, gracious, just a real nice guy.

I now have the overwhelming urge to take bong hits with Bo and Stoner J.

Apparently, Ace Young will be guest starring on Bones. Hmmm…is this Fox’s way of trying to undo all the evidence of shit being fixed? Setting up former contestants with semi-high-profile gigs? I liked Ace Young, although I think I like him more since he's been off the show. Ace Young and Michael Johns are also the antidotes to the Chalmydia Stare. If one of them gets to you in just the nick of time, after your gaze has been met by Greasy Constantine, you're instantly cured and there's no need to go to the doctor for antibiotics to clear that nasty little VD up. Plus Ace Young's new song, Addicted, is kind of good…at least the version I heard. I caught Bones once and kind of liked it, perhaps I should start watching it…oh, Christ, I don’t want to watch any more TV. American Idol has sucked the life out of me.

MY ONLY FRIEND...THE END

STONER J ADMITS TO PACKING HIS BAGS…and shooting the tambourine man. But he said it all with a smile. I'm happy for him right now...but I'm also sad because I don't want him to leave! The show will be even more blah than it's been for the...entire...season...But think how how many more shit ballads we're gonna have to hear next week between Coretta Scott Mercado and the Eunuch!

And Coretta Scott Mercado is grinning like she just signed the Civil Rights Act of 1964, because she just KNOWS she’s made the final 3.

OMG. SHE DID NOT. SHE DID IT. SHE ACTUALLY LIKENED HER TIME ON AMERICAN IDOL TO TWO PRESIDENTIAL CANDIDATES. Because you know, she's like, Halfrican-American and female. I believe Idolator called this one in their recap of last night’s performances.

Syesha Mercado has a reed-thin voice and a really grating persona that was best epitomized by her comparing her Idol trajectory to the civil rights movement. (Whoever said that she's probably going to compare herself to one of the presidential candidates if she keeps on going in the competition is right on.)

Look at Stoner J’s grin. Look at Stoner J’s smile. He is so damn happy to be out of here. He soooo knew what he was doing. I love this kid. Love this kid. And I so do not remember him singing with the You Are My Brother guy. Seriously. How awesome is he? He’s performing I Shot The Sheriff and yes, I still think it was a fun performance. And he truly looks like he’s having fun. And perhaps now, he will once again be able to have more fun. He doesn't need Idol. He just needs to go jam with Jack Johnson in Hawaii on The Mellow Show.

If I had a bowl right now, I’d smoke it for you, sweet Stoner J. As I said before, you went out on your own terms. You found redemption. You didn’t sacrifice your soul to the Idol gods.

Coretta Scott Mercado better be thanking your dread head ass right now. You gave her back that bus seat.

Even though she’s getting off at the next stop.

C'era questa bettola, più underground del CPA, e ci suonava Madonna, e io andavo a vederla solo che cantava in playback e faceva anche schifo, il palco era una mattonella in mezzo alla stanza, e fatto sta che perdo la macchina fotografica. Che stronza, mi dico tra me e me, non io, ma Madonna, che per venire a vedere questa cazzata mi ci fa rimettere la macchina fotografica. Che poi aveva anche il microfono attaccato colla colla. Oddio. colla còlla. Con la colla. conlacolla. Conla colla; Conla conla! Ci sono andata in paranoia. Per tutta la notte sono stata ossessionata dalla frase "con la colla".

Poi mi è venuto a pensare all'assonanza che la cocaina ha con la coccoina

Ed ho pensato, sempre rigorosamente dormendo: "la coccoina è superiore alla cocaina, perchè una volta ho provato a fare un collage con la bamba, ma è venuto di merda ed ho speso uno sbotto". Che pessimo senso dell'umorismo.

conlacòlla

E' STATA COLPA DEL BASSOTTO.

Con chi è già partito e chi partirà, sono arrivate le scimmie.

Ce la farò a vederti prima o poi?

Da fare:

• laureare
• accaparrare
• lipsiare

A Apple premiou Steve Jobs com este jato de $43.5 milhões de dólares, logo após seu retorno em 2000.

O Jato foi batizado de N2N, mas bem que poderia ser iJet ou iPlane, seria mais legal...

O Jato é resultado de um acordo firmado a partir de um debate sobre os gastos da empresa com viagem à negócios.

Pena que não tem a logo da maçã, branquinho ele é...

Victor Anselme

[buonanotte]

Non ho idea di come mai ce l'abbia così tanto ultimamente con questo maledetto arrotino.

]]> http://arphaxad.wordpress.com/?p=28 Wed, 30 Apr 2008 13:52:14 +0000 arphaxad http://arphaxad.wordpress.com/?p=28 So I'm sitting here at work and I feel like crap.  I feel the need to totally, brutally honest with myself and those around me.  The only catch is that they don't realize just how much help I need.  I find myself hiding like I usually do, because the truth is so horribly painful, I don't know if I want it to be known.  I don't know if I'm looking for (or require?) attention because I refuse to let the people in my "real" life know just how bad things are.

I realized a long time ago that the reason I smoke is because it's the only surefire way to end my life prematurely.  Killing myself explicitly in what is normally defined as "suicide" isn't viable, because of the damage it will do to my family and friends.  But what if I am silently killing myself slowly, one cigarette at a time?  It seems to me to be a good enough compromise.  I get to end my life early so I don't have to suffer, and my family and friends get to enjoy my company for longer than if I just ended everything now.

I hate what I've become... no... that's not totally accurate...  I hate what I've always been.  I hate my natural tendency to be shy, I hate that I'm anxious all of the time, I hate how I'm always depressed, and I hate myself for it.  In the past I've been foolish and blamed my parents for having me in the first place and now knowing how to recognize, nevermind deal with, my problems and needs.  Now that I'm "all grown up" I find myself grappling with problems that only I am able to fix.

But I'm not strong enough.

Right now I'm surrounded by coworkers who can't possibly even suspect that sitting next to them is a person with super intense demons that haunt his every waking thought.  They may be sympathetic if they knew but I'm not about to tell them.  I never tell anybody.  My life is a dirty little secret.

I need help because I'm addicted to feeling bad.  I'm addicted to cigarettes.  I'm addicted to smoking weed because it makes my mind shut down (so I have only one thought) and intensifies the anxiety -- it makes me feel worse, but at the same time makes me not care.  I'm addicted to negative emotions.  I used to crush up and snort the Ritalin they prescribed me for my ADHD and was definitely addicted.  I think I may have done permanent harm to my mind AND my body.  I have sabotaged myself so much that I'm not sure I'll be able to fix the damage I've done.

It doesn't help that I have problems with authority, more specifically, doctors and therapists.  I've never trusted them because in the past, they've either harmed me, weren't able to help, or didn't bother to make the effort to help me.  I manipulate them because my mind is so over-active and I'm so intelligent that I analyze everything they do.  I don't do it purposely, I do it subconsciously and barely even realize when I'm doing it.  I don't like being manipulative, and I consciously make an effort not to do it in my personal life, but what can I really do when it comes to authority figures?  In my personal life, I barely know where the line is between being smart about my affairs, and being manipulative.  What a fucking problem to have!  If I don't even know that I can trust myself, how am I ever going to get better?

I hate nearly every part of my life.  I have no luck with girls, and when I happen to meet ones that are damaged like me I refrain from trying to make anything of it for fear of screwing up their lives more.  When I meet girls who aren't damaged, I always manage to fuck everything up.  A part of me wishes I could have a nice relationship that eventually leads to marriage and a family, but I'm in no condition to realize such dreams.

The only thing that made me feel better was the guy at the gas station this morning.  I had just finished buying my next set of 20 doses of death when the guy behind the counter said, "Have a nice day."  He was probably just doing his job and being friendly or maybe he actually meant it.  Either way I realize that I'm probably better off than he is.  Why can't I realize that and get my mind to believe it?

The really sad part is that I'm going to have to resign from something that I thought was going to help me get better.  I thought being a political candidate for the best political party ever would help give my life meaning.  It hasn't.  I'm still the secretly damaged little boy masquerading as someone better.  Fake it until I make it?  I'm really don't think I can.  Now I feel like I need to resign because of my health issues.  Further, I need to resign because I'm afraid that I'll irreparably damage the party if my dirty secret of a life is exposed.  If you're reading this and you actually know me in person, in real life, feel lucky that you are.  There are few who I've trusted enough to show this side of me.  You can feel confident that if I decide to remain in politics, or upon quitting, manage to reenter politics, you can always blackmail me because you know about my demons.  I probably won't have much money though so you're shit out of luck if you think you'll be able to get rich.

Cynical, addicted, depressed, anxious, hiding, and a failure.  Ca, c'est ma vie.

But these term papers I'm working on are going to kill me, so I may not be leaving this school voluntarily after all. So it's good that there are some things that are taking my mind off elsewhere.

I've been addicted to 'Love Addict' by Family Force Five recently. It's upbeat and fun to listen to, and the video's kind of trippy, in the best ways. One thing that's making me better is the opening line, "Hold up, wait a minute, put a little love in it" because when I hear this line, I can't help but smile. How can anyone possibly be depressed when they listen to this song?

Love Addict - Family Force Five

Hold up, wait a minute, put a little love in it

Doctor, Doctor, I've got an emergency
It seems I'm head over heels, a case of L-O-V-E
It's like I'm glowing inside
Yeah, a light I can't hide
And if this feeling is bad then I don't wanna be right
What I've got in my soul gives me the highest delight
Oh yeah it's better than drugs
In fact it's sent from above, huh huh

Hold up, wait a minute, put a little love in it

Hey, can't kick the habit
Yeah, I got to have it
Yeah, I'm what they call a
Love addict, Love addict
Hey, can't live without it
Yeah, g'on shout about it
Hey, I'm a symptomatic
Love addict, Love addict

Need a refill cause I just can't get enough
I've got a fever, oh yeah, and the prescription's love
So lay the truth on me
Cause that is all that I need

Hold up, wait a minute, put a little love in it

Hey, can't kick the habit
Yeah, I got to have it
Yeah, I'm what they call a
Love addict, Love addict
Hey, can't live without it
Yeah, g'on shout about it
Hey, I'm a symptomatic
Love addict, Love addict

I'm blessed, I must confess
My heart is pounding in my chest
Cause this love's the best
I'm just a love addict

Coming down with something outrageous
Lookout now cause it so contagious
This feeling's got me reeling
So amped up that I hit the ceiling
Gotta clear my throat
Huh huh, now I gotta have some more

Hold up, wait a minute, put a little love in it

1-866-43657-04

AND

1-866-43657-09