I'm wondering what is going on.  I have a fever and abdominal cramps.  I would like to think it is because I am pregnant, but I really don't think it is.  I probably just caught some kind of bug from one of the lovelies at school.  Great!

• Eli silahlı teröristlere habire af çıkarırken; İstiklal Madalyası sahibi Jandarma Genel Komutanı’nı hapse atıp, beyin kanaması geçirene kadar içerde tutmadık mı?
• PKK’ya yataklık yaptığı için hapiste yatan kadını, çıkarıp, Meclis’e sokarken, Cumhurbaşkanı’nın masasına davet ederken; 1’inci Ordu Komutanı’nı "terör örgütü kurmak"tan içeri tıkmadık mı?
• Şehide "kelle" dediği için tazminat ödemeye mahkûm olan, "Askerlik yan gelip yatma yeri değildir canım kardeşim" diyen Başbakan’a, "Bravo, aynen devam" deyip, yüzde 47 oy vermedik mi?
• PKK, hastalanmaması için serçe parmağının tansiyonu bile ölçülen Abdullah Öcalan’ın saçı kesildi diye, kalkışma provası yapıp, Diyarbakır’ı yakıp yıktığında, polisin-askerin elini tutup, "Cana geleceğine mala gelsin" diyen Diyarbakır Valisi’ne "aferin" deyip, Başbakanlık Müsteşarı yapmadık mı?
• Kafamızda Amerikan çuvalıyla gezerken, koordinatör saçmalığı icat edip, "Amerika bizi çok seviyor, istihbarat verecek" demedik mi?
• "Amerika istedi diye harekátı kısa kestik, içerde parça bıraktık, o kampları tutmamız gerekirdi" dediği için, neredeyse "vatan haini" ilan edilen Deniz Baykal, o kamplardan gelen teröristler önceki gün Aktütün’ü bastığında haklı çıkmadı mı?
• Irak’taki hacivat "Kedi bile vermem" derken; yaralı PKK’lıların tedavi edildiği Kuzey Irak’taki hastaneyi bile kendi ellerimizle yapmadık mı?
• Vatandaşa zam üstüne zam geçirirken, PKK’yı koynunda besleyen Barzani’ye, Talabani’ye yarı fiyatına elektrik vermiyor muyuz?
• İstanbul’da, Ankara’da, İzmir’de kadınları çocukları havaya uçurduklarında; besleme medyadaki arkadaşlar utanmadan, "Ne malum PKK’nın yaptığı" demedi mi?
• Şehit çocukları çıplak ayakla gezerken, tabut başındaki karnı burnunda tazeler Allah’ıyla baş başa kalmışken; fitreleri zekátları Mehmetçik Vakfı yerine, Almanya’da din-iman hortumcusu olduğu alenen tescillenen Deniz Feneri’ne vermiyor muyuz?
• Gariban ailelerin çocukları şakır şakır şehit düşerken, subay-astsubay çocukları oradan oraya tayin edilip, lise mezunu olana kadar 28 tane şehir değiştiriyor; yaşadıkları travma nedeniyle üniversite kazanamıyor ve onlara hiçbir ayrıcalık tanınmıyorken; "Babamın parası var, benim de bokumda boncuk var, onun için yurtdışında okuyorum" diyenler askerlikten yırtmıyor mu?
• Bir zamanlar bu memlekette askerlik yapmayana kız bile verilmezken, "Popomda sivilce çıktı, bak bu da raporu" diyenler, askerlikten sıyırmıyor mu?
• Genelkurmay, 68 kere basılan 46 şehit verdiğimiz gecekondudan bozma dandik karakolu, parasızlık nedeniyle 100 metre ileriye taşıyamadığımızı açıklarken; Genelkurmay eski Başkanı’na, korgeneral refakatinde askeri uçakla taşıyarak, 1 trilyon liralık zırhlı Audi almadık mı?
• Neymiş efendim, terör zirvesi toplanmış, kararlılık mesajı çıkmış...
• Yerim ben sizin o kararlılık diyen dillerinizi, yerim.

Som ni förstår är jag mycket intresserad av att få ett jobb och öppen för olika förslag.

ulrika.langbakk@spray.se

Finns intresse för ev. prasktiktplats kan ni hör av er direkt till
Anders TörnqvistArbetsförmedlingen eller mail honom på  anders.tornqvist@arbetsformedlingen.se

Med vänliga hälsningar
Ulrika Langbakk

Now half of the back of my hand is red, not to mention that it hurts so much. Ugh it took forever for me to get to sleep because I was in excruciating pain. So I decided to smother my burn with toothpaste... Aw my sister made me hot chocolate, but didn't give it to me until it cooled off. She's afraid that I might burn my tongue as well <3.

Summary of weekend:

• Friday: parents droveeee me to french. First day of new (transferred!) classes. No more young people... now they're all about my age. Sweet. Went to B.C's house after to eat.. de^, bun and mam tom. I have discovered a new love: mam tom! Geez why couldn't my mom have made that for me all these years? I've been missing out for 15 years?! *sigh
• Sat: Bussed with sister to her french class-- because she doesn't know the way yet. Stayed at oakridge for about an hour until it was time for class. During her class I stayed in the library there. Looked around, read a bunch of things, read magazines. It was pretty okay. I have to take the D. exam! I WANT A DIPLOMA!!!--even though it's the lowest one. J volunteered at Light the night at 5 and I had work. Got my paycheck!
• Sun: stayed home and did my project all day.

I've noticed that all the money I have made at work(which is not a lot), I have not spent any of it. I have only spent my tips. It's such a hassle to use my debit cause I have to move it from 1 account to another a day in advance, or to withdraw cash. Lazy lazy. So I don't really buy much. (HA! saves me money~). I love tips.

dinner with:

Pikahamuko
Pikuhamuko's Photostream/
Pikuhamuko's Designs/
Convexstyle
Convexstyle's Photostream/
Convexstyle's Website/
Tarop
Tarop's Photostream

And today I finally got

We had our last CD4 appointment yesterday, and to tell you the truth I couldn't even tell you how I feel right now. One minute I feel almost relieved that this has all come to an end. Although its not the fairytale I had imagined, I think right now, I just need some type of closure to this, good or bad. Of coarse I would be a liar if I said that I wasn't hurt as hell about the outcome, but then again, I'm trying to see the bigger picture...and the other purposes I might have in life..Then the "wannabe mommy" kicks in and I can literally feel my heart ache. I didn't even think that could actually happen, but unfortunately its happened one too many times to me by now. Then, another second later, I tell myself that maybe we're not as ready (financially, emotionally etc) as we had originally thought and then I thank my lucky stars that God might just know a little more than I do. Do you see the never ending circle I'm walking? It's like this sick wheel of fortune where I get rich and bankrupt in a matter of spins. Horrible analogy I know, but that's what it feels like. I just never know what I'm gonna get and I just never know how I'm going to handle it until "it" whatever that may be happens.

Enough about my own personal and emotional game show, on to the literal. As I laid down and took it one more time from the dildo cam, McSteamy asked me why I wasn't pregnant yet, and all I could manage to politely get out was "you tell me." I laughed. He said that this "HAS TO WORK THIS TIME." No shit asshole, I think I've been saying that since I threw out the condoms eons ago!! But just before I lost it, I just smiled and said that this was for all the marbles. Once he had counted follies, and my thin as usual lining he asked why this was for all the marbles. I told him that this would be the last time we did an IUI before we moved to IVF; which is when I added that I had to postpone the Jan. IVF due to a new job. He didn't say much after that, and I don't know if that's a good or bad thing, either way, its really not up to him anymore. We tried it his way, and so far all I've got is a couple of monthly visits from AF, mood swings, hot flashes, timed sex, some pre-seed lube and a partridge in a pear tree. So its not really his choice anymore. He counted 8 follies less than 10 on the Left and 11 on the Right and RX'ed me the usual..Clomid CD4-8 and Bravelle CD8-13. I asked if there was anything else I could for my skinny uterus since it never gets any thicker than a 7 and he said as long as it was over 6 I should be ok...Uhmm, that hasn't worked. What else you got?

I left the office with a weird sense of routine disappointment and for once a feeling of "I just don't care anymore." As I walked out I noticed the same sweet lady that had so politely smiled at me and asked how many IUI's I had been through. She's the one I blogged about. I overheard her talking that she was there for an OB not RE visit, and she was glowing. She looked at me as if she recognized at me, smiled and said good luck. I smiled back and in side wanted to hug her. She deserved her happy ending. I was genuinely happy for her, and couldn't help but tell myself "good for her. she fought the fight, and WON!!"

I'm not quite sure if I'll ever get my own victory lap, but my congrats to those who have run or is running theirs, and my heart to those who are still in the starting blocks.

At the time, I just smiled and nodded my head, grateful that the topic was dropped after that.  But then I got back home and found the passage that I made into a new page and it really came home to me.

Before I left, I was so set on "think positive!" But this last year with every BFN or appearance of AF or watching everyone else get pregnant, I have been letting this whole process "steal my joy."   I was becoming an angry, sad, jealous and bitter bitch.

Nothing had "real" joy.  Not work, not time off, not time with C-Dub, nothing.  Just my obsession with becoming pregnant.  Everything was being centered around, well I can't do that because I might be pregnant then, or that's my O week we need to be home to BD every day, or it's the 2WW.  My life is virtually on hold waiting for that magical BFP.  And I am tired of that. 

My joy has been stolen!

Well, I am vowing right now to take it back.  I want my life to be full of friends, happiness, ecstasy, and yes Joy. 

That's my new mission.  No matter what.

Inte gör det något för att hjälp de arbetslös  till ven bätte tillvaror med jobb , inte om man kan behöv det där lilla extra som det säger att dedt inte kan eller inte vill skulle jag vilja säga.  Och hävda för en arbetssökande som har varit långtids arbetslös längre än vad Reinfelt säger man ska behöv var arbetslös att du har bara tills haft otur. Vad fan hjälper det, då krafter börjar sina  ur en att man inte finner någon ork eller något  positivt att gör länger.Hur ska man då orka  vidare  o finna  någor meningsfullt att göra ? Gränsen för hur mycket man orkar göra o ta själv är begränsade o min gräns blir tunnare o tunnare för var dag.

75.9 in Socials.... SOCIALS!!! I've always gotten around the 85-90 range but WHAT THE HECK? 76? That's a 10 percent difference. I should go cut myself. Actually I don't believe it's my fault. It's my teacher's.. Mr. I taught Gr. 7 last year and I count participation marks. I have to gain +10% before term one report cards.

AF today for a placement test. FIrst time I did it, I struggled. I didn't know shiiiiit but this time I did. I filled out almost everything! Except the futur simple and some imparfait stuff but I didn't learn that. Good thing I did.. my class was too easy and if I didn't I'd waste hundreds, if not thousands of dollars to get where I'm in now. Declic 2 -4 . Originally she was going to put me in 6 but I didn't wanna rush when learning futur simple so I asked for 4.

Tabulating results... 10 start. 10-13. 13-15. D-2: 1-2, 2-3, 3-4. I save about.... 4/5 x 300 = 1200ish dollars. Just for doing a test! Ha! this is great. But I go on Fridays now... which sucks. My sister goes on saturday -.-... Gotta call work and see WHASSSSSSSUP. Time to call manager.

Now it's official. I have no social life.

I know I have been a HORRIBLE blogger, commenter, reader, etc., but I'm doing my best to change that. I have a million blogs to read, and probably a million more comments to make, but bear with me.

my plans today consist of finishing our school schedule, changing student rosters, then running up to the school to make copies for my kids and all the teachers. me and another teacher that came to this school together from another school have been given the charge to overhaul our school schedule because, frankly, the other one was NOT working. so we had subs in our rooms all day friday and worked on it from about 8:30 am to 8 pm with a 45 minute lunch break in there. we have been texting each other like mad this weekend to fix schedule conflicts and assign duties to more teachers. honestly, i cannot wait to be an administrator (i know that sounds weird) so i can do stuff like this all the time. 

so that's it for me. i feel like AF is washing away all the past failed inseminations and hopefully my pessimism too. i pray that this is a cleansing.

a long overdue affirmation: each setback presents an opportunity for cleansing.

eta: i calculated that if this is *the* cycle, then the baby will due between A's birthday and our anniversary. such divine order.

Now two more weeks and then the next IUI :)! I don't want to wait because as an endo-patient after laparoscopy your best opportunities to conceive are some 6 months post surgery. I got the bill for the first IUI yesterday on mail and was positively surprised; it was much less than I expected, 176 euros. DH already paid his part which was some 90 euros so 266e in total. What I don't understand is the fact that dildocam-treatment is the most expensive part of all this; 124 euros. The IUI itself was marked worth of  21 euros.

The first round was rehearsal, now we are moving towards the real round! I'm not gonna give up and lose my hope yet.

I still have the cramps and I'm just waiting for AF to arrive but I'm feeling much better mentally. Ok, we didn't succeed on the first round but we'll move on to the next one. And maybe with some hormonal enhancements this time. I think the problem might be with implantation (either that or the fertilization), because I'm sure the ovulation part is working fine. So I'll ask the doc could we add progesteron to the game since it should help the implantation process.

Yesterday's graphic's class was so therapeutic. Just what I needed; during those three hours I didn't think about ttc for a second. I'll post my new work as soon as I get it scanned!

I'm so glad it's friday today and I have the weekend ahead of me. Today I'll go see The other Boleyn girl with my cousin after work. It's her first time out on her own after her son (my goodson) was born in April. Tomorrow one of our friends has a graduation party and I'm sure it'll be a lot of fun :D! And we'll also continue the filming of our horror movie tomorrow morning.

What comes to my endo-diet, I've slipped quite badly during the last few weeks. We've got a video rental place next to our workplace and you can buy candy pick'n'mix styled there. Needless to say, I'm a regular customer. Now that I started to think about it, maybe bringing chocolate back as a regular to my diet is causing the moodswings! Could it be?

And I'll POAS tomorrow morning if AF hasn't arrived before it. Just to make sure I can have my ciders with a peaceful mind.

Have a good weekend everyone, I'm gonna enjoy mine :)!

KOMİSYON BAŞKANI SAĞLAM: YIL, 2000’DEN GERİYE ÇEKİLECEKTİR

TBMM Milli Eğitim Komisyonu Başkanı Mehmet Sağlam, affın kapsam süresinin 2000 yılı olarak belirlenmesine karşın, bu yılın biraz daha geriye çekileceğini ifade ederek, “Yıl olarak biraz daha geriye çekilecektir diye düşünüyorum. Her öğrencinin durumu farklı, çıkacak yasa herkesin işine yaramalı” diye konuştu. Komisyon üyesi CHP Milletvekili Fatma Nur Serter ise, “Tıp öğrencileri konusunda çok hassasım. Birkaç yıl sonra doktor olacak gençlerin okullarından atılmasına bir anlam veremiyorum. Yasaya bir sınır koymanın mantıklı olmadığını düşünüyorum, sorunu tam çözecek bir yasa için çabalıyoruz” dedi.

“MEKTUPLA BİZE ULAŞIN”

Komisyon üyesi CHP Milletvekili Necla Arat ise af beklentisi içinde olan gençlerin komisyon üyelerine ulaşmasının önemli olduğunu belirterek, “Gerekirse çocuklarımız, mektupla bize ulaşsınlar, konu hakkında çok telefon alıyoruz” dedi.

Komisyon üyesi AKP Milletvekili Abdurrahman Arıcı da, kendisinin bir öğrenci affı sayesinde üniversiteyi bitirebildiğini anımsatarak, “Geniş kapsamlı bir yasanın çıkmasından yanayım, herkesi kapsasın. Bende üniversite eğitimimi bir afla bitirdim, şimdi bir tıp doktoru ayrıca milletvekiliyim” dedi.

CHP’Lİ ÖZBOLAT: “BAŞLANGICIN 1980 YILI OLMASI İÇİN DİRETECEĞİM”

Komisyonu üyesi CHP Milletvekili Durdu Özbolat, affın 1980 yılından itibaren gençleri kapsaması gerektiğini her alanda söylediğini ifade ederek, “Bir yıldır her alanda konuyu gündeme getiriyorum. Herkes faydalanmalı, sonuna kadar bu konuda direteceğim” diye konuştu.

Komisyon üyesi AKP Milletvekili Hamza Yerlikaya da, çıkarılacak yasanın tüm mağdurları kapsamasından yana olduğunu belirterek, “Önümüze gelen yasanın genişletilerek çıkarılmasından yanayım” dedi.

Kadir Gecesi, Kadir Sûresi’nde de ifade edildiği üzere, “Kur’an’ın indirildiği; bin aydan daha hayırlı olan; Rab’lerinin izniyle Ruh ve meleklerin her türlü iş için indiği; tan yeri ağarıncaya kadar esenlik, huzur ve güven kaynağı olan” (Kadir, 97/1-5) bir gecedir. Mademki, bu geceyi bin aydan hayırlı yapan şey, Kur’an’ın bu gecede indirilmesidir; öyleyse bizler bu geceyi Kur’an’ı okuma, anlama, yaşama ve yaşatma ziyafeti yapmalıyız. Kur’an’ın mânâsına ve tefsirine ağırlık vererek onu idrak etmeli ve yaşamalıyız. Anladıkça ve yaşadıkça onu yaşatmanın aşkını ve şevkini yaşamalıyız. Ayrıca bu geceyi, nafile namaz ve duayla geçirmemiz tavsiye edilmiştir. Çünkü Sevgili Peygamberimiz, “Kim inanarak ve Hak rızası için Kadir Gecesi’nde kalkarsa, (namaz kılar, ibadet ederse) onun geçmiş günahları affedilir.” (Buhari, Leyletü’l-Kadr, 1) buyurur.

Bin aydan hayırlı gece

Bu gece maddî ve manevî bütün nimetlerin müminin gönlüne yağdığı, iki cihanın bayram oluş müjdesinin müminin gönlünde hissedildiği, Kur’an, ibadet ve oruçla ruhun yükselişini zihnin de müşahede ettiği bir gecedir. Böylesine bir gecede, İlahi yardım ve manevi fetihler bir sağanak yağmur gibi müminin gönlünü ve zihnini serinletir. Onu dünya kaygılarından ve dertlerinden özgürleştirir. Kur’an-ı Kerim’de, Rabb’imizin bizlere çok büyük nimetler ikram ettiğini gördüğümüzde, Allah’tan hatalarımız için bağışlanma dilememiz emredilmiştir.

Hadlerin bilindiği gece

Başarıyı ve zenginliği kendinden bilme, insanı kibre ve küfre düşürür. Kibrin baş düşmanı, tevazudur. Huşû Hakk’a boyun eğmek, tevazu Hakk’a teslim olmak, Hakk’ın hükmüne itirazdan vazgeçmektir. Bu iki kavramın da en güzel halleri namaz ve oruçla yaşanır. Bu dua, Kadir Gecesi’nde bizi Kur’an, namaz ve orucun bu güzel iklimine davet eder; bu iklimi ruhumuza hissettirir.

Sonsuz af iklimi

“Allahümme inneke afüvvün kerimün” derken Rabb’imizin sonsuz ikramlarını ve affediciliğini hissederiz. Tövbenin güzelliğini ve affedilmenin vazgeçilmezliğini bir nefes gibi içimize çekeriz. Tövbe ve istiğfar, Allah hariç her şeyden dönmek ve yüz çevirmektir. Günahkar insanların tövbesi, günahları içindir. Allah dostlarının tövbesi ise Rab’lerini unutarak geçirdikleri her an içindir.

Kaynak: Zaman - Ramazan - Esma Sayın Ekerim

I am not sure what is going on, but my AF is all over the show.  For the last 4 months I have had quite irregular periods.  The first month, I came on a week early, bled for a day or two, then stopped and started again 5 days later.  Since then I am going through this again for the 3rd time!  We have been travelling a lot and things have been a little topsy turvy, but I am wondering if maybe this isn't just my system out of whack (because I am like clockwork generally and this has never happened before),  then maybe I am pre-menopausal?!  Mmmm..  that is definitely not where I want to be!   So I think I will call my RE or my gynae and have a chat next week, once AF has left.    Any comments out there!?

Warmly,

Louise

I am sad, but not as sad as I was anticipating.  I think it was better to get my AF before I took a HPT and got a BFN.  I understood intellectually that it doesn't happen right away.  This was our first time trying.  I know that healthy couples have only a 40% chance of getting pregnant in the first three months.  Emotionally, I was deeply invested in this pregnancy already!  My DH says it's set up that way so that you get emotionally invested in the baby way before he is born.  Which made me feel better... now, but I might not agree a year from now.  So, I'm not pregnant.  I really thought I was.  I feel a little silly for obsessing over all my imaginary pregnancy symptoms, but they felt so real!

I am going chart my BBT and use the OPK again.  I am also interested in reading "Taking Charge of Your Fertility."  And, so starts day 1 of cycle #2.

Of course, these being British built and old, all the nut, bolts etc are Imperial, that is A/F. I have a small set of A/F sockets but I no longer have any spanners.

Why? Because my son, a car mechanic, started work at a garage that renovates old cars and builds hot rods, and he raided my ancient toolbox, removing anything that wasn't metric.

Although a socket set is a useful thing to have, some of the fixtures that need to be removed from the Villiers engine are only accessible with a spanner. I was a little annoyed with my son!

Oh well. I suppose the next phase will be to visit a car boot sale to see if I can find any ancient spanners.

• weds: I opened a savings account., along with a chequing account. I HAVE DEBIT NOW!! I feel so adult! Downside: it takes 7 business days for my money to transfer through.. BS!!
• Friday: work. I like work! I love the manager.. he has a sense of humor. But his face is almost 100% serious so I can't tell. He tricked me many times. I got my pay check from that one day I worked. $40 LOL. I found my pay rate- huit.quatre-vingt-neuf $$! I was training today, but next week I'm not so I get tips. YAYYYYYYY!
• Sat: french classes. I asked Mme. M about moving up a level because.. in all honesty the class is an insult to my french level. I'm not saying im pro or anything... but the kids in my class know nothing. How much will I learn in a class full of people WAY below me? I'd rather be in a more challenging class and NOT be the one that knows the most (-.-) than be one of the top in my class and learn absolutely-fucking-nothing! I guess M seemed offended by my request. She looked teary and everything-FFS! I don't want to waste 300 on a class and learn nothing! NO! Because I asked M that, a couple of others(ha), including E asked too. One dude.. grade 8 this year or something, asked the SAME THING AS ME. Uhm... no you don't ask to skip a level to FINISH the program. You're here to learn as much as you can. You go at your own damn pace. Asshole. E & I asked about moving up and the receptionist said that we should take a placement test (now free because we're registered. BAHAHA!). I guess I'll take it next Mon. Pro-D after all.
• after french, my sister and I ate at oakridge.. and got a free poster at aritzia! cool.
• cousins picked us up and then we stayed at their house until the next day. watched: maid of honor, some bratz movie, a little bit of my little pony, last half of 88 minutes. PATRICK DEMPSEY <3. haha first when Dominic saw me.. I made a face and he cried. After he kept climbing on top of my sis and me ~ gosh those kids tire me out so fast.
• I solved the most of a rubiks cube I have ever solved (omg bad grammar here..)! one face, the T shape of each side touching the yellow side.. it was awesome. I need to buy one... and SOLVE IT!!
• slept over there. My parents were in van and my dad got drunk from wine... so they came home late.