One of the most extraordinary highlights for me was that our friends Hannah and Andy, from the band HannaH’s Fields, wrote a song special for our wedding. In light of the difficult week that Peaches and I had leading up to our ceremony, everyone present was struck by the synchronicity of the song’s title: “The Rainbow after the Storm”. I just can’t thank Hannah and Andy enough for this amazing gift. I want to cry with joy when I think of them singing the song to us after we spoke our vows.

And they gifted us with a beautiful piece of art so that the lyrics to our special song will always be displayed in our love nest.

[caption id="" align="aligncenter" width="600" caption="Song by Hannah's Fields"][/caption]

And since Peaches and I didn’t have an officiator to declare the sanctity of our vows, God Himself blessed our union with a beautiful rainbow over the Cascade Mountains just after Hannah and Andy sang “The Rainbow after the Storm” to us. The picture didn’t come out as well as we’d hoped, but the excitement of our guests and of the resort staff at the sight of our rainbow right on cue will resonate within our hearts forever.

Forever. Forever. Thank you, Peaches, for joining your life to mine forever more. I love you! I will always love you!

Divine Intervention certainly has brought us together, and we have an inspired duty to ourselves, to each other, and to all people everywhere to continue to evolve our co-created life of JOY, UNCONDITIONAL LOVE, APPRECIATION, and FORGIVENESS.

Peaches, loving you is the easiest thing I’ve ever done in my life!

XO,

K

But sometimes I like to think, WHAT IF?

I'd like to ponder "WHAT IF I hadn't skipped a grade," and then predict what kind of man I would be otherwise.. But all that EVER goes through my mind are the people I've met and the people I've learned to love. So, after revision, my central question is this: WHAT IF I didn't have the friends I have today?

I've made so many SPEC-FUCKIN-TACULAR friends over the course of adolescence.

I have friends who are there for me, even when I don't ask for it...

I have friends who listen, even when I'm not talking...

I have friends who worry, even when I say "I'm fine."

I have friends who do me favors, even when I'm oblivious to them...

And finally, I have friends who suffered with me... whether it be McElliott's poetry journals or some interpersonal strife.

IS IT WRONG to say that I might love these people more than I love my family? Think about it. When you're angry, who do you vent to? Who listens attentively to your stories about this-guy or that-girl? Who do you watch the latest blockbuster movie with? Does your family understand you the way your friends do? So when you're done answering all these questions, think about it again. Think about how much you love your friends.. and then think about how much you love your family. It's pretty much a tie for me.

I know people say that they lose contact with most of their high school friends because of college, but I will say again with a firm conviction: I will not lose you. I believe the purpose of life is to seek happiness, and, in consequent thought, I can't imagine anything that could make me happier than to hold onto the people I love, and who love me back. I want to wish them a happy birthday every year until I die. I want to send them corny Christmas cards every time the season rolls around. I still want to crack jokes with them about the stupidest shit when I'm 40.. 50.. 70.. and even 100.

Some say that a man is defined by his actions.. some say that a man is defined by his friends.. But what if you combined them? A man defined by his actions with his peers? In memorandum, I want to go back and recollect every memory that I have with my friends, and I invite you to reminisce with me.. Please feel free to add on anything I may have forgotten.. because I leave for college tomorrow and I don't have time to put a lot of effort into this..

walking to trung's house every day after school

playing chess in mrs. price's room

ballin' it up with sonshine

when baggy pants were "cool"

learning how to do a lay-up

announcing middle school news with amanda

BS in stratman's advisory

musical theater

student impact

canned food drive

honors passes (2 minutes early yay!)

8th grade accelerated science

spotlight, improv tournament

15-hour days of starcraft

worrying about spiky hair

getting my first B

8th grade dance

shirtless summer running with cole

first time coming out to tennis

romeo and juliet re-enactment

honors biology

ap govpol

brain bowl 2nd place

me and son being DJ's

No-Balls

watching movies (like Borat) at kayli's

watching the stars at kayli's

clown stories

"secrets don't make friends"

winter court

prom 07

swimming butterfly

swimming at the deaf school

fabian the foreign exchange student

french boys

shreeve as a french teacher

mckay boys basketball

getting my camera

my emo phase

happy new years!!

4th of july at jake's

smoking piroulines

french cuisine project

all 4 years of fbla state

arturo smashing a can on his forehead

mcelliott food-poisoned by KFC

christmas present exchange

robin's acl

psych video

ap us study sessions

french day(s)

senior french day tent

ap euro study sessions

state fair

link day(s)

Foosball table

late-night AIM sessions

viral youtube videos

senior class posters

class sweats

stress from college apps

beach for amanda's birthday

sandboarding

getting lost at northfork with no gas

watching movies with trung's bose sound system

fireside chats

planning prom 08

avatar the last airbender

crashing into a mailtruck

late-night Taboo

telling her you like her

eric nguyen

applebees

willamette university

beach trip 08

losing at districts

warts

atlanta fbla nationals

fucking elevators

late-night bike rides with jake

maria *the scream*

watching beijing 2008 together

screaming for michael phelps

etc etc etc

"The most I can do for my friend is simply to be his friend. I have no wealth to bestow on him. If he knows that I am happy in loving him, he will want no other reward. Is not friendship divine in this?"
- Henry David Thoreau

To Mr. Im not a rabbit, "Thank you. Thank you for reading my postings. Thank you for your comments. And Thank you for loving me."

By the way, I know you are not a rabbit because rabbit doesn't make a single bit of noise, and rabbit definitely cannot talk and write the way you do. But I love both the real rabbit and the 'non-rabbit' rabbit. In fact, you have reminded me of my precious rabbit, Pipi, whom I had to give away due to my sensitivity to his forever-shredding condition. I had to choose: to have an asthmatic me with an adorable Pipi OR to have a healthy me with merely memories of Pipi. I had to choose the latter but I made sure Pipi is given to someone who will love him as much as I do, if not more. I have not seen Pipi for a while. The last I saw him was probably 2 years back; I could tell he is well taken care of.

Well, that was Pipi. For your information, Pipi and BB are 2 totally different names and different being; one belonging to the category of adorable pets, while the other (obviously the latter) being a very down-to-earth, humble, friendly, handsome, naughty, playful, loving, lovable, occasionally vain, human being. A human being, whom I have learned to respect and love dearly. Incidentally, his name, however it is spelt, hasn't got a 'B' in it. BB, the initials for BaBy; is what I normally call him, and in case it is still not obvious, I use only nicknames in my blog. He, and only he alone, will know who he is.

Back to Mr. 'Im not a rabbit', my sincere appreciation to you for supporting me.

I appreciate my husband the most. He really is a great guy. He is committed to his own personal growth and he tells me stuff that he genuinely believes is for my own good even when he knows I do not want to hear it. That is courageous. Especially with me! He finds all sorts of little ways to be my hero. I have not taken the trash out in eight years and I do not clean up after cooking dinner. A friend visited my home recently and my husband was helping me lay out stuff and clean up and she was shocked that I did not have to ask my husband to do anything. I really do appreciate that about him.

I do not like male bashing. I like men and I have always had good relationships with the men in my life including my father and my brother. I find that we women spend a lot of time male-bashing and expecting less than extraordinary from the men in our lives. Sometimes it is justified and sometimes it is not. However, I enjoy putting my focus on the positives in my relationship with men. Do I find my husband maddening sometimes? Absolutely. Does he have shortcomings in certain areas? Yes, just like I do. However, I find myself happier and our relationship so much better when I consciously focus on the multitude of things that he does right all day long. So many times, I forget about those things. 

With my recent computer issues, he did all that he knew to do to get the situation resolved and when he did not know what to do, he went and asked for help.

It feels good to know that I am supported by him. I enjoy his support. 

I also enjoy my sister. She recently adopted two cats and calls me everyday to tell me about the antics of the cats. I enjoy her camaraderie. I enjoy and appreciate my relationships with friends and loved ones. 

I appreciate my coaching clients. I believe I have the best clients in the world. They are wonderful people that are sincere about their own growth and development. I am awed as to their courage to look at themselves and to proactively make changes. They are awesome people and it is my honor to work with them. 

I appreciate the fact that relationships that were not serving me have dissolved and dissipated. I am relieved to know that when a relationship does not serve me, it looses energy through no action on my part. I love that. I love that I am finally in a place in my life where I can say, "You know what, that relationship with that new friend, neighbor, co-worker, client, whomever, is not healthy. It is not reciprocal. It is not honoring. It does not serve me positively. It does not serve the other person positively. I will not feed it any energy. It is not what I want." And the relationship just goes away. The person stops calling. I never get to see the neighbor. It just vanishes. 

I think that is very powerful.

Who do you appreciate in your life? If you focus your appreciation on those good healthy relationships, those that do not serve you will begin to fall away. 

Affirmation: I easily show appreciation to those I love and care for. 

When you tell them the truth, they may not like what they hear and when they don't hear what they want, then it's obvious to them that you're lying, that you're incompetent. It gets even worse when it's something close to their hearts; they think you're being insubordinate or trying to sabotage their efforts!

When you white-lie to them, it's obvious either you're trying not to hurt their feelings or you're trying to cover up some aspects of it or maybe even to get them to at least selectively hear more of what you have to say. Bad choice! Half truths are just that: they're neither the truth nor a lie. When it's classified as neither here nor there, bosses tend to lump it (justly or otherwise) as a lie.

When you tell them an outright blatant lie, the tendency is that the lie is actually what the bosses want to hear, otherwise why lie, right? And guess what? Not only would they accept it, they might even praise you for it. The end result may not be what's required but heck, at least you won't get blamed for it. They've already praised you for it, they can't go back on their words, right?

So you're damned if you do and you're damned if you don't, and that seems to be a common situation in almost every corporation. What would most employees do? That's right, they'll LIE just to get onto the boss' good books. Now you know why such cultures exist, because it's being encouraged, that's why.

What about the Coolbert Principle then? My principle is simple: I WON'T LIE ABOUT IT! Bosses may not like what they hear but that's what I'm being paid to do: to give my best ideas and efforts for the right thing. So what if they don't like what they hear? DUH!!

When your boss doesn't want to bother hearing what you have to say about a situation, the best thing to do is just shut up and let it be. If you're done your part and bosses don't appreciate it, somehow somewhere, someone else will, believe me.

If your boss doesn't bother listening and tells you that you're incompetent, by all means question them about it, defend your integrity. Do so in an appropriate manner, as you're meaning to get constructive feedbacks. On the other hand, if you boss not only doesn't bother listening but also implies that you're incompetent, then forget it, just shut up and let it be? Why, you may ask? It's implied i.e. it wasn't said directly to you. Why bother reacting yourself to something that wasn't directed to you?

If you think the company doesn't trust you anymore, then maybe it's time to consider moving on. After all, why bother working for a company that's headed by a dead-head heading towards a dead end?

Holy crap.

THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR READING!
We love you all!

Whatever the reason, I am grateful for this deeper connection of Love that is growing between us. I embrace it, welcome it and cherish it. :)

Lately, I had been too lazy and just driven the shortest route to the shore, but I always feel annoyed when I do that because I knowingly drive to a beach I know will either be crowded by visiting tourists or beach loiterers. And it doesn't take much for me to consider it a crowd. I much prefer seeing people out in the water or fishing, minding their own business, rather than see them on land.

But yesterday, I did things properly and drove down to one of the less commercial beaches up the coast. There were maybe 3 small groups:  a parents-child group going to the beach after dad came back from one of his long semi-truck delivery routes, a family happily and noisily fishing with fishing poles grounded by pbc pipes, and a small group of young friends skimboarding  further south.

As the fishing group was leaving, one of fathers, carrying the bulk majority of the poles, buckets, and coolers, says as he passes by us, "How you girls doing today at the beach?" He said this without looking at us, but he said this loudly without reserve and in a tone that was genuine and generous. Out of usual character, I smiled and said thanks, then asked about his fishing today. He kept walking, still keeping an eye on his equipment while replying honestly, "Ah.. not so good. Didn't catch much, but it was still great to enjoy being out here on the beach." Then, as he walked off the steps, my cousin commented, "Wow, Florida people are really friendly!"

It's moments like this that make me think that Florida does me inevitable good. It helps me calm my prejudices and develop a relaxation. Urban settings breed prejudice of attitude. It's this breed of hostility and reserve that shape a narrow temper. Of course, I'm talking about attitude, not openness and acceptance. So don't interpret my words as a comment on the quality of culture and society. I'm talking about an attitude that's not intrinsic to me, but one that I have been observing and eventually adapating to. In a way, this climate nurtures my reserve.

Absence of gratitude is the mark of the narrow, uneducated mind. It bespeaks a lack of knowledge and the ignorance of self-sufficiency. It expresses itself in ugly egotism and frequently in wanton mischief. We have seen our beaches, our parks, our forests littered with ugly refuse by those who evidently have no appreciation for their beauty. I have driven through thousands of acres of blackened land scourged by a fire evidently set by a careless smoker whose only concern had been the selfish pleasure gained from a cigarette.

Gordon B. Hinckley 

It occurred to me recently that there is a great significance to the fact there are only three basic colors, from which all others are derived: red, blue, and yellow. Once I realized this, it was immediately clear to me that these correspond to the Id, Ego, and SuperEgo:

The following is Excerpted from Wikipedia's Color Symbolism article:

Red: Passion, strength, energy, fire, love, sex, excitement, speed, heat, arrogance, ambition, leadership, masculinity, power, danger, gaudiness, blood, war, anger, revolution, radicalism, socialism, communism, aggression, summer, autumn.

Blue: Seas, men, productive (interior) skies, peace, unity, harmony, tranquility, calmness, coolness, confidence, conservatism, water, ice, loyalty, dependability, cleanliness, technology, winter, depression, coldness, idealism, obscenity, tackiness, air, wisdom, royalty, nobility, strength, steadfastness, light, friendliness.

Yellow: not included because the symbolism is not relevant to this post.

If you think about it, the symbolism of Red corresponds to Id, and the symbolism of Blue corresponds to the SuperEgo. The level of compatibility is amazing, actually.

Naturally, the Ego corresponds to the color yellow. Both blue and red, as best demonstrated by mixing paints, are very strong colors, are strong colors, although their strengths achieve different effects. Yellow, on the other hand, is a very weak color, and as such is, like "Ego", suitable for control- that is, working out the finer details of the work, be it a painting, or our own life.

One of the core matters that I've been concerned with, is how to get ourselves (i.e. "Ego") in touch with the SuperEgo. See- Id, Ego, and SuperEgo, are our mind's materialization of the past, present, and future- Id=past, Ego= present, SuperEgo= future. By looking in retrospect, one can appreciate both truths- these three elements are, in my opinion, just three different ways of looking at the same thing. We have the past, present, and future, and from our mind's perception of these, are born desire, control, and direction, which in turn correspond to the respective three. But God exists outside time (depending on "who" God is(!) and so to him they are all one

As I have more or less already said, I'm currently setting aside the face-value dogmatic interpretations of the Bible prevalent in Christianity, to determine what the true meaning is, if only for me. The Bible is referred to as "The Living Word of God", and "living" is the key word here. The Bible is the literary personification of God himself, and should be treated as a person when reading it. I think it's very unfortunate that God's word, which not only is essentially a person, but also one of infinite proportions, has been simplified into such a dogmatic, close-minded interpretation.

To put into proportion the gravity of this unfortunate development, here's a good comparison: "All Mexicans feel compelled to have babies" In the United States, the rate of Mexican babies being born versus Caucasian babies being born is 3 to 1, despite the fact Mexicans are a minority. Such a statistic might justify that stereotype then, but it's still a bit harsh, right? The figure can also lead people on about the relation to the other aspects of Mexicans' lives.

The dogma that Christianity, and other major religions have become, is infinitely worse than the above example, because God is infinite, and thus infinitely more complex. Not only is this insulting to God, but it has produced many misconceptions.

We should try to understand the Bible as we would a person. When getting to know people, there are two key things to consider:

(1) Everyone who knows that person knows them a little bit differently.

(2) The more that we get to know each person, the more that our own understanding of them changes; over time our perception of them is continually clarified, and more beautiful.

When reading the Bible, we should treat it as we would a person, because it is a person, and God himself at that. God does not change, but our perception of him does.

The Id, Ego, and SuperEgo also correspond to the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit.

Genesis 1: 1 In the beginning God created the heavens and the earth. 2 The earth was without form, and void; and darkness was^[a] on the face of the deep. And the Spirit of God was hovering over the face of the waters.
3 Then God said, “Let there be light”; and there was light. 4 And God saw the light, that it was good; and God divided the light from the darkness.

In verse 1, God separates the heavens from the other, but IMO, this does not refer to the physical heavens and earth. Those were created in verses 9-10. Christian conspiracy theorists claim that the first creation occurred in verses 1-3, but that Satan and his angels destroyed it, and God recreated it in 7 days (a rush job!), in verses 9-10. I know these claims are just hot-air, but it's interesting that J.R.R. Tolkien materialized (more or less) this theory in the first few chapters of his book The Silmarillion.

Here's the real meaning (IMO): vs1- Time began when God created the first law (as in standard, without which we could not know one thing from another, or ourselves even, it (and we) would all be one big blob without standards.

vs2- It is clarified that everything is just one big blob "without form, and void" notice also that God's Spirit (the Holy Spirit) is hovering over the "blob"- notice the significance in relation to the Id, which is aimless desire.

vs3- "the Father" (or the Ego) began time (and the first law) with the first, and fundamental law, light and dark. Through establishing this standard, God was able to appreciate his work, and this is acknowledged by God, following the creation of light and dark, and in doing so time itself, said it was good.

Throughout the rest of the creation story, God clarifies the previously formless creation, starting with the basic standards of contrast, and with each new standard things become more and more complex; with the increasing complexity and standards, God is able to appreciate his creation more and more- that is why with each standard he says it is good, because the creation is better than it was the day before. The Son, which is referenced in Genesis, and throughout the Old Testament, but not realized (actuality, i.e. incarnation) until the new testament, is the part of God that focuses on the future, and on ideals, expectations, and most of the aspects covered under the symbolism of Blue (above) Through Jesus we can look forward to a future, are given hope- and that is also the purpose of the SuperEgo.

26 Then God said, “Let Us make man in Our image, according to Our likeness; let them have dominion over the fish of the sea, over the birds of the air, and over the cattle, over all^[b] the earth and over every creeping thing that creeps on the earth.” 27 So God created man in His own image; in the image of God He created him; male and female He created them.

"Let Us" is key here- it refers to the fact that God the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit- each of these aspects are reflected on us, because we are an image of all of these aspects of God. In other words, the Id, Ego, and SuperEgo are the reflections of God the Holy Spirit, God the Father, and God the Son within us; because God gifted us with his image, we have a past, present, and future; we have desire, direction, and control. We are "Fearfully and Wonderfully made" (Psalm 139:14)

Our home is most soothing
She exhales comfort and safety
Sunday mornings are my favorite

The clock ticks and the pages turn
to classic jazz and the presence of God
when the voices are silent except for my own

On Sunday mornings I give thanks 
to the beautiful, the quiet, the divine
Wrap myself in all I love

We are all so busy in our lives.  We run from place to place, from our job, to home, to get the kids, to the store, to whatever million commitments our lives demand of us.  We get bogged down by the stresses, the hassles, the flat exhaustion of these things.  There is always some drama to aggravate and annoy us somewhere lurking in our lives.  There never seems to be enough time to get everything done, enough time to do all we want, or to accomplish all of our goals.

With all of this, how many of us are able to step out of that box of our own lives and simply be Grateful?  Grateful that you have a job, and kids, and a family.  Some people don't.  Even being grateful that today is a new day and you have the chance to make a fresh start.  

Personally, I become grateful at the very smallest things in life.  A beautiful sunset, the sight of the moon on a clear summers night, the feel of the breeze on my skin, the smell of flowers in the air, the sights and sounds of children playing.  I  always say a silent prayer of thanks when I experience these things.  I am grateful for them, because they remind me that there is more to life than the muck and mire and misery of life.  There is also great beauty and happiness.

Vanessa wrote the other day a post that touched my soul.  She wrote about how she is writing her life's dream fairy-tale and living it each day.  How awesome is that.  That is someone who lives her life in a grateful state to my mind.  Who understands that she can choose to be happy, and to see the world for its beauty, and peace and create her world around that.  Basically, don't sweat the small stuff.  Because that isn't what is going to matter in the big picture of her life.  To me, that was beautiful, and oh so right on.

I know many people keep a Grateful journal.  I used to. But I found myself repeating so many of the same things, it seemed like I was missing alot of the true things that were new each day.  Unless you keep it on hand 24/7 you forget (at least I do).  So instead now, I take a moment, I breathe and I smile and I give that moment to be grateful.  I feel the healing of that moment.  That moment might even heal my whole day.  And that is the beauty of it....

I express gratitude and appreciation for my quiet, still, non-eventful day...no phones, nothing special that has to get done, looking out the window and seeing only this....

Launching this new blog, a great dish of noodles AND of course...YOU!  Have a Simply Fabulous Evening!