As more details regarding a rescheduled trial become available, I will post them.

For more details on the allegations, see the linked article.

Anyone who believes they might have additional information pertaining to the case is encouraged to contact Union County Prosecutor’s Office Detective Paul Han at (908) 965-3881.

Well.  After a horribly misguided Google search, I have found the solution for you.  The baby er..cage?

This site is dedicated to the practice of caging children, people?!?!?!?  There's pictures, cages for sale, and the worst part, testimonials???

Thank you BabyCage.net for this amazing baby cage! I used to have to resort to using physical violence in order to get my 4 year old to listen to me, but now whenever he is acting up I just put him in his cage for a few days. It is so much more effective than the belt. Thanks PJ

OK I'm all for funny stuff on the internet.  In fact, I'm personally responsible for a good lot of it.  But Holy Christ!!  Ya took it way too far BC.net.  Way.  Too.  F'ing.  Far.  There are way too many scary people out there with no fucking brain whatsoever questionable reading skills that might feel this falls in the "everything is true on the internet" pile.  We can't have that.

To the makers of babycage.net, I wish a pox on all your houses.  Damn you babycage.  Damn.  You!!

O, but I may have found a reason to hold on to Sandy's crate?  ...No Babybound.  NO!

Me, my mother, and Dave were standing in the kitchen. All of us were in different corners. My mother, as usual, was standing far away by our bay window staring down at the floor avoiding my eye contact. Dave and I were screaming at the top of our lungs and he kept getting increasingly closer to me. Before I knew it we were inches from each other’s faces and I could feel him spitting on me as he yelled. I had reached my limit. I swung around and in an act of complete desperation I grabbed a knife off the counter. I thought for a second about stabbing him with it, but cut myself instead.

I looked him in the eye and said, “This is what you make me do to myself”. He laughed at me. He laughed then he turned his back and walked out of the room.

I stood there for a moment in total shock of what had just happened. The blood on my arm brought me out of it. I got a few paper towels and walked slowly to my room. I locked the door and fell to the floor. I cried long and hard and pounded my fists into my gut. I couldn’t believe I had allowed myself to break down in front of him.

Not long after there was a knock on my door that I knew would be coming. It was my mother. She had come to drag me out of my room to apologize to him. I felt like I was being dragged to my death. This was the story of my life. I was emotionally battered and beaten then after it all I had to tell him I was sorry. The only thing I was sorry for at that point was my existence.

Dave is very much a creature of habit. He does the same things everyday at the same time and at the same pace. I knew everyday he would be home between 5:00 and 5:15 and I would hide by the window and watch for his car. If I was talking on the phone I would have to hang up as soon as I heard his car pull into the driveway, I feared him and he knew it. Then he would walk in the house and I would stand at attention like a little soldier waiting to greet him, not because I wanted to, but because I had to. He was so paranoid, I couldn’t be in my room when he got home, and if I was I knew there would be a heavy knock on my door followed by,”What are you doing in there?” I was expected to be busy at all times and Dave gave me different choirs for everyday of the week and after they were done, the area would be inspected. If it wasn’t done to his liking it had to be done again. These were not normal choirs either. I did everything from cook dinner to clean the bathrooms and vacuum the house two times a week. On the weekends I had to dust the entire house including their bedroom and depending on the time of year I usually had outside work to do. All this was to be done while taking care of our dogs as well. He insisted that all three had to be walked every hour. My sister and I were supposed to take turns, but like with everything else I picked up the slack because she was lazy and I wanted to avoid an argument.

I didn’t start to go out with friends until I was almost 17 years old. I was expected to put family first at all times. I wasn’t allowed to go out for dinner or eat over a friend’s house. I had to be home so I could eat dinner with them and if by some miracle they did let me go out, I had to cook them dinner first.  I lived my life under the strictest of rules and almost every hour of my day was planned out for me. I was a slave to that house and to Dave.

The only “happy” times I can recall from those years were when Dave went away on business trips. Luckily for me they would send him someplace every few months. Sometimes for week or more. During those times, I could breathe easier and sleep again. I wasn’t living every second in fear of his arrival. It was as if he knew while he was away I was relieved and calm because when he came home from those trips, the fights would start the second he set his foot in the door. He would walk around and point out everything that wasn’t up to his standards and just like that my fear and anxiety came rushing back to me and I was no longer a normal teenager, I was a slave again.      

Authorities are looking into the possibility of additional victims at other churches where Poitier has also served in Alabama and in Nebraska. People with information in the Alabama area are encouraged to contact the Decatur police at 251-341-4842.

And I have to say huge kudos to this senior pastor for doing the right thing and contacting the authorities!

Three of them were the luck of the draw, so to speak.  One of them was hand picked.  All four were/are loved beyond measure. 

My oldest daughter became my oldest daughter because I got in my car, drove to her home and told her she had a choice.  She could stay there or pack her things and come to live with me. She was 16 years old. Her mother died of colon cancer when she was 9 years old.  Her daddy remarried a few times but in his own words, "he didn't do well with women".  Obviously.

My oldest son came home one day and he was visibly upset.  Being the non-prying Mom that I am, I promptly forced him to tell me asked him what was wrong and after much prying he told me.  It made me furious and without a second thought, I put on my shoes, grabbed my car keys and drove to the home where this 16 year old young lady lived with her father. 

She was crying.  She was bruised.  She was beaten physically and bruised emotionally.  She was coming home with me come hell or high water.  She was my son's friend.  She was/is a sweet girl and she didn't deserve to be kicked and beaten by her Dad because she left a single glass unwashed in the kitchen sink.  I found out that this wasn't the first time and wouldn't have been the last. I lived this same nightmare curtosy of an ex-husband so I knew it wouldn't just go away.  My son had known this secret for some time and was sworn to secrecy but he couldn't take it any longer. 

I confronted her Dad and he was contrite and sorry and that's when he gave me the excuse "I just don't do well with women".  Duh!  You think????   She chose to pack her stuff and go with me and he didn't try to stop her.  I think he was secretly relieved but now who would do all the cooking and cleaning for him?   He actually said that to me.  I just looked at him and walked away before I said something I'd regret. 

Long story short, she's mine now but over time she's made peace with her dad and we share her, her husband and their two children.  I'm cordial and polite to him and yes, he remarried and yes, he's just as big an ass as he always was because "he just doesn't do well with women".  I don't care now because I got a beautiful daughter out of the deal and eventually a new son in law and two granddaughters. 

Here she is keeping the guys in line during construction of the greenhouse.  She was also in the background making sure everything was perfect during the raising of my Granddaddy's windmill.  She's the perfect mom, wife, and daughter.   While I thank God everyday for all my children, I also thank Him that she chose me. 

I'm actually grateful this man "just didn't do well with women".

In recognition of Domestic Violence Awareness Month

Just as not all victims are the same, not all perpetrators of harm are the same either. There is a temptation to 'lump' them all together -- making 'who' they are that makes them abuse the same as other abusers and what they 'do' as abusers the same as other abusers. Perhaps this is where Domestic Violence theory and pathology theory walk different paths.

Pathology is often the missing piece in looking at the domestic violence or abuse scenario. Pathologicals are part of the continuum of abuse -- but usually hover at the higher end of the continuum. They represent those who will 'never get it' no matter how many batterer intervention groups they are forced into. Their biology and hard wiring is often overlooked by the court system who mandates these groups and over looked by the organizations who offer batterer programs. But it is exactly their pathology that differs them from other abusers.

Batterer groups are federally funded and handed out to the state for funding to run the programs. I have long complained that the State needs to mandate personality disorder testing for people entering anger management, batterer groups, and other similar programs. That's because we need to weed out those who will not only not be helped by the program but just like Dr. Hare says, will only learn how to use the information in the groups against the victims, the system, and other organizations running similar programs. There's also no use in wasting tax payers money on treatment for those who don't benefit from treatment.

Pathologicals are those most likely to abuse the group by gathering info and becoming a sly-er abuser. They are the ones most likely to use the information they learned in group later on the judge, their attorney, court evaluators, child evaluators, etc. If Dr. Hare didn't think pathologicals should be given treatment in prison, why do we think they should be given similar treatment information outside of prison like groups that end up being 'pre-prison' routes for many pathologicals.

Pathologicals are also those most likely to get sent to intervention groups over and over again. There is a danger in 'graduating' the pathologicals (or whatever they call it when they have completed the program). He returns to his victim with a certificate in hand by an organization that says 'he has completed the program' when what really happened was that he did not 'get' what they were teaching. But his certificate helps him get in her door again. Many women think they are protecting themselves by mandating the pathological has to go through intervention to be able to come home again. It's false hope and a mirage that we offer when we give a pathological a certificate of completion.

Batterer groups and court ordered anger management need to be held for those who can truly 'complete' the program because they have the 'capacity' to change what the program says they need to change. I have known too many cases in which the women were killed after his intervention process when she let the new 'graduate' back into her home.

Pathologicals are those most likely to convince others that they are not the problem -- that she is, or the world, their job, their childhoods, their attorneys, etc.

Pathologicals are those most likely to stalk. They don't take no or go away as answers -- they take it as a challenge. When DV programs are helping women with stalking, they need to understand that by nature of what causes most stalkers to behave the way they do they are either personality disorders/ pathology or they are chronically mentally ill as in schizophrenia and often unmedicated bi-polars. Your run-of-the-mill unhappy husband who has been dumped doesn't stalk.

Pathologicals are those most likely to obscound children and bolt. Giving partial custody or unsupervised visitation is to invite the natural outcomes of a pathological with poor impulse control.

Pathologicals are those most likely to expose children to abuse, neglect, and their pathological lifestyles. They are those most likely to program children against the protective and non-pathological parent.

And last but certainly not least, pathologicals are those most likely to kill or attempt to kill. Without conscience, empathy, guilt, remorse or insight -- someone so 'inconvenient' like an 'abuse tattler' is likely to be seen as a swarming gnat and killed with the same amount of forethought.

Clearly, not all abusers are pathological. I have seen many people go through batterer intervention and 'get it,' go home, change their behaviors, positively impact their marriages and families and never do it again. But in pathology, there's 'nothing wrong with them' so why change? In pathology, it's always someone elses problem -- it's never about THEIR behavior. In pathology, it's not merely about the Power & Control Wheel that explains their abuse of power. In narcissism and psychopathy, power is food. It's not 'a way of looking at relationship dynamics' -- it just 'is.' It's biological not dynamic.

All abuse is an abuse of power. But not all abuse of power is treatable or curable. It's not that there aren't similarities in the abuse or even the abuser -- but in pathology the abuse of power has no cure. Abuse, addiction, mental health issues all have the hope of treatment when there is insight and the ability to sustain change. But in pathology, the inability to grow, sustain change, or develop insight about how their behavior negatively effects others precludes them from the benefit of treatment.

That IS what pathology is -- the inability to be helped by medication, counseling, spiritually, or even love. Abusers who are not pathological have the hard-wiring in them that allows them to grow, change and develop insight about how their abuse of power and control harms others. Pathologicals can never do that.

That's why all abusers are not created equal.

The Institute is planning their first annual East Coast Conference for the first weekend in May, 2009 in Charlotte, NC.  Please visit their site for more information.

The World Isn’t Kind Just Because You Are!

by Alberta Parish

From the time we’re little girls, we’re taught and even brainwashed to always be polite.  We must always be on our best behavior, and put forth our best face.  No matter how someone treats you, little girls are always taught to be the bigger person.  Unlike boys, who often fight amongst themselves when they have disagreements, little girls are taught to never fight because it’s unladylike to fight.  Instead of little girls roughing it out a little like the boys and getting their disagreements out in the open, they’re taught to suppress arguments.  Instead, little girls are taught to express their feelings in a calm, ladylike manner.  Of course, little girls do fight and they curse each other out.  However, this behavior among girls is very much frowned upon by general society while fighting among boys is more acceptable.  Society believes it’s just normal for two boys to fight.  It’s called ‘boys being boys’.  We believe it is part of a boy’s growth.  You ever notice that when two little boys fight, the very next day those same little boys are talking to each like nothing ever happened?  However, when two little girls argue and sometimes fight, they’re no longer talking to each other.  They’re no longer best friends.  And it doesn’t just stop there.  The more popular of the two girls sometimes cause division among friends.  She’ll cause girls that liked you before to stop being your friend just because she dislikes you now.  I’ve seen this same behavior prevalent among grown women in the workplace.  I’ve seen where if a female co-worker dislikes someone, other co-workers whom she is cool with often will blackball that person.

Little girls need to fight (without involving weapons in the fight), and then learn how to come back together again.  Little girls and boys need to learn how to deal with their peers after a disagreement, because you can’t just cut everybody off every time you have a disagreement (unless that relationship is highly toxic).  Some people don’t know how to deal with situations and people, because they never learned while growing up that you can have a disagreement/argument with someone and still be friends.  There’s nothing wrong with being polite and kind and sensitive toward other people, but the world isn’t as nice and kind and sensitive as you are.  If little girls fought more growing up, maybe when they become women they won’t allow guys to treat them like crap, walk all over them, abuse them, misuse them, and take advantage of them.  It wouldn’t hurt for women to be more like guys when it comes to their emotions, but only in certain instances.  Women cannot help having the emotions we have, because this is how God made us.  However, there comes a time when a person can be overly emotional and overly sensitive about everything.  An overly emotional and overly sensitive individual can easily be manipulated and abused.  Most men can easily spot women like this.  Most abusers can spot a person they know they can abuse.

I’m the kind of person that is very genuine.  I don’t cut any corners in letting people know exactly how I feel about things.  However, I wasn’t always like this.  I remember a time when I was a very passive person.  I would allow people to say mean and hateful things to me, and I would just sit there like nothing was ever said.  I did this because I was taught to not engage in arguments with people.  “Just go ahead and pray for them” was what I was told to do.  Of course, I know now that I can have a disagreement with someone, and also pray about it.  Sometimes, disagreements can lead to the end of great friendships, which has happened to me more than once.  However, I’m used to rejection.  I’m no longer afraid of it.  I don’t go out of my way to fit into anybody’s social circle, because I’m secure within myself.  I don’t always need to be in a group to feel good about myself or to feel good as a human being.  I’m not saying we don’t need each other as human beings.  I’m saying that if you’re the type of person who puts all your trust and hope in a friend, chances are you may be in for a very rude awakening.  Friends come and friends go.  Lovers come and lovers go.  Husbands come and husbands go.  The only someone who is consistent in your life is God Himself.

It amazes me how when a person goes out of his/her way to fit in, that is when their peers reject them more.  But, when a person doesn’t make the effort to fit in anywhere, that is when people will come to you and try to knock down your walls, because they want to know who you are.  It kills them that they can’t quite figure you out, and you won’t let them in so they can figure you out.  It seems like you get more respect for being a brash person instead of just being a nice person all the time, because the world doesn’t really respect kind people.  If the world did, it would not have crucified Jesus.

Order now The Evil Within Him at Amazon.com or BN.com!

Alberta

www.freewebs.com/albertaparish

www.freewebs.com/btpmagazine

www.myspace.com/albertaparish

The World Isn’t Kind Just Because You Are!

by Alberta Parish

From the time we’re little girls, we’re taught and even brainwashed to always be polite.  We must always be on our best behavior, and put forth our best face.  No matter how someone treats you, little girls are always taught to be the bigger person.  Unlike boys, who often fight amongst themselves when they have disagreements, little girls are taught to never fight because it’s unladylike to fight.  Instead of little girls roughing it out a little like the boys and getting their disagreements out in the open, they’re taught to suppress arguments.  Instead, little girls are taught to express their feelings in a calm, ladylike manner.  Of course, little girls do fight and they curse each other out.  However, this behavior among girls is very much frowned upon by general society while fighting among boys is more acceptable.  Society believes it’s just normal for two boys to fight.  It’s called ‘boys being boys’.  We believe it is part of a boy’s growth.  You ever notice that when two little boys fight, the very next day those same little boys are talking to each like nothing ever happened?  However, when two little girls argue and sometimes fight, they’re no longer talking to each other.  They’re no longer best friends.  And it doesn’t just stop there.  The more popular of the two girls sometimes cause division among friends.  She’ll cause girls that liked you before to stop being your friend just because she dislikes you now.  I’ve seen this same behavior prevalent among grown women in the workplace.  I’ve seen where if a female co-worker dislikes someone, other co-workers whom she is cool with often will blackball that person.

Little girls need to fight (without involving weapons in the fight), and then learn how to come back together again.  Little girls and boys need to learn how to deal with their peers after a disagreement, because you can’t just cut everybody off every time you have a disagreement (unless that relationship is highly toxic).  Some people don’t know how to deal with situations and people, because they never learned while growing up that you can have a disagreement/argument with someone and still be friends.  There’s nothing wrong with being polite and kind and sensitive toward other people, but the world isn’t as nice and kind and sensitive as you are.  If little girls fought more growing up, maybe when they become women they won’t allow guys to treat them like crap, walk all over them, abuse them, misuse them, and take advantage of them.  It wouldn’t hurt for women to be more like guys when it comes to their emotions, but only in certain instances.  Women cannot help having the emotions we have, because this is how God made us.  However, there comes a time when a person can be overly emotional and overly sensitive about everything.  An overly emotional and overly sensitive individual can easily be manipulated and abused.  Most men can easily spot women like this.  Most abusers can spot a person they know they can abuse.

I’m the kind of person that is very genuine.  I don’t cut any corners in letting people know exactly how I feel about things.  However, I wasn’t always like this.  I remember a time when I was a very passive person.  I would allow people to say mean and hateful things to me, and I would just sit there like nothing was ever said.  I did this because I was taught to not engage in arguments with people.  “Just go ahead and pray for them” was what I was told to do.  Of course, I know now that I can have a disagreement with someone, and also pray about it.  Sometimes, disagreements can lead to the end of great friendships, which has happened to me more than once.  However, I’m used to rejection.  I’m no longer afraid of it.  I don’t go out of my way to fit into anybody’s social circle, because I’m secure within myself.  I don’t always need to be in a group to feel good about myself or to feel good as a human being.  I’m not saying we don’t need each other as human beings.  I’m saying that if you’re the type of person who puts all your trust and hope in a friend, chances are you may be in for a very rude awakening.  Friends come and friends go.  Lovers come and lovers go.  Husbands come and husbands go.  The only someone who is consistent in your life is God Himself.

It amazes me how when a person goes out of his/her way to fit in, that is when their peers reject them more.  But, when a person doesn’t make the effort to fit in anywhere, that is when people will come to you and try to knock down your walls, because they want to know who you are.  It kills them that they can’t quite figure you out, and you won’t let them in so they can figure you out.  It seems like you get more respect for being a brash person instead of just being a nice person all the time, because the world doesn’t really respect kind people.  If the world did, it would not have crucified Jesus.

Order now The Evil Within Him at Amazon.com or BN.com!

Alberta

www.freewebs.com/albertaparish

www.freewebs.com/btpmagazine

www.myspace.com/albertaparish

See News Channel 8 LUSBY, Md Video

Perhaps the most disturbing part of all of this is that Child Protective services was called by a neighbor in February 2008. More than seven months later the remains of two adopted children were found in the freezer and were presumed to be in there while she moved from Rockville to Lusby. These are the same people that take issue with yelling at your children and they could not detect a problem here? Give me a break. There are no records that any of the children attended school in Rockville County. Additionally, the only charges placed on her for now is regarding the surviving child. Two counts of child abuse, one in the first degree resulting in severe injury to the child also an assault charge. The seven year old child was locked in a second story room and she survived by jumping out the window and begging for help.

b

PS Would you have given a child to this woman, let alone 3?

I wanted to point out one thing we have in common: a somewhat fuzzy memory of just what happened related to military experiences back in the early seventies. It appears you as a young man were absent when you should have been present. I, as a minor child, was apparently present when I should have been absent. When I came forward through the courts seeking more knowledge of what happened, the US Attorney's Office of Arizona stopped that discovery. Is your legacy more important than truth?

I have grown and changed in the eight years of living under a Bush in America. I'm no longer sure that telling my story is a life affirming thing to do. Truth telling is out these days along with treating other people with respect. Despite how much people say they dislike you, they certainly follow your lead. A great legacy of deception will outlive your years in office.

I ask you though, when it is done please just go. Don't keep sticking your nose in things trying to repair or redefine your legacy. Don't blame the people trying to fix your mistakes. Don't try to say that you did what was best under impossible circumstances. Please just go away. We have some rebuilding to do, some reconnecting to an American spirit that has been dumped on. Crawl back to Crawford. Play golf and pocket pool. Don't come around here no more.

Thanks for your time,

One citizen silenced under your rules.

~~~

This is only a blog post. I don't send letters to politicians anymore. I've been threatened with arrest under Arizona statutes and detainment under the Patriot Act for hurting the sensibilities of appointed and elected officials with the truth. Yes, being an out-of-touch leader is literally codified into law.

From Blogtalk Radio, "Domestic Violence and Child Custody":

The US Department of Justice gives great importance towards protecting the rights of children who are exposed to domestic violence. Domestic violence in this context does not necessarily mean the child has actually seen physical abuse or witnessed domestic violence. It may encompass circumstances wherein the child is simply present in the home during an incident of domestic violence. Such type of abuse is commonly referred to as "secondary abuse." In a California case known as In re Heather A., 60 Cal. Rptr. 2d 315, 322 (Ct. App. 1996) the court found that two children were exposed to domestic violence by virtue of being in the same home as their mother ho was physically abused by her boyfriend, even though the children were in another part of the house and did not actually witness the abuse. The two children were removed from the home and made dependents of the court upon a finding that the children were victims of secondary abuse.

Hey, Family Courts of America, how about when the children witness the abuse and have been emotionally harmed by it, even when well documented, and you still give sole custody of the children to abusers?  How can an abuser be considered a "fit" parent?  Is this who all the "shared-parenting" people are fighting for?  It is what all the FR groups are fighting for it seems, and there are plenty of whores of the court out there, with their hands out, willing to help.  It is truly in the best interest of the children to have both parents in their lives meaningfully, when domestic violence has not been a part of the situation.  When an abuser is given sole custody, what is your answer for that?  Work towards shared parenting?  Would that quell the abused mother into being grateful for having time back with her children, if she could be that lucky?  Wouldn't that give the abuser affirmation that he is a "fit" parent?  The "shared-parenting" folks need to realize that abusers don't need to be in control of the children, they are truly not fit parents.  The US Department of Justice considers the children victims of secondary abuse.  It is time the "shared-parenting" folks to realize this also.

This raises the possibility that he could cross-examine the boys he is accused of molesting - a thorny ethical situation, but one which he may well be within his rights to do.

Hook Em Horns!

Donnie D.

The truth hurts.

The. most. extreme. child-killing. politician. ever.

evil beyond what words can describe.

Colton Dale will be buried in his favorite Halloween whale costume. His mother will bury her three-year-old son who was killed by his father. She had fought the courts trying to keep her son safe, the courts ordered her to let him visit his father.

Friday Meara McIntosh took her little boy to his father's home like the courts had ordered her to. Less than two days later the mother was mourning little Colton Dale. His father had murdered the child and killed himself with carbon monoxide fumes from a backyard barbecue brought indoors.

Ms. McIntosh had wanted to make a fresh start in Ottawa. The courts said no, she needed to stay in Alberta so that her estranged husband could visit the child. McIntosh told the courts that he was threatening her and had irrational behavior. The courts didn't care.

Canada.Com reports: 

Are you going to wait until one of us is dead before you open an investigation?" she says she asked RCMP.

For eighteen months the couple battled it out in family court disputing the child custody agreement. The couple had to go to the local RCMP detachment to pass their child back and forth for those visitations.

Two and a half months ago McIntosh thought she finally had the proof that her husband was dangerous. She has a tape-recorded conversation where he admitted harassing her. The police told her that they could arrest her for making false complaints.   The end result is a 27-year-old mother burying her son in his favorite little whale costume.

"He loved it; he's been wearing it for weeks," said McIntosh, clutching her son's favourite egg-sized stuffed purple monkey in her hands for comfort during an interview.

"I grabbed this on the way out the door Sunday so he'd have something to play with on the way home," she said. "It's been in my pocket ever since."

This week mother and child would have been settling in Ottawa had the judge allowed the move.   Instead she buries her son.

I wrote this for one organization that asked me for a poem on this subject. Feel free to let me know what you think.

GLAMOR CHILD

Your eyes
Like filth on my skin
Hurting
Reveals me
Betrays me

My innocence is broken
Shattered in cyber-space
By your eyes
Your desire
Your craving
Your lust

Hear me
I am hurting
See the fear
In my eyes
Please

Praying
you will close your eyes
Look away
Press delete

I do not belong
In your world
Of desire
Of craving
And your lust

I belong somewhere else
I once could look at life
With happiness and joy
Create my life
Grow up and try my wings

Not stand here
Alone with broken wings
A layer of dirt covering my mind
An image of me carved in your mind

I see the reflection
Of myself
In your eyes
Broken
Naked

so thats me in the corner-thats me over there--was a hard arse interview 2 do-my dyslexia gets in the way some-times-just bear with it and it will show its beauty

Living With the Scars of Abuse

by KIM THOMAS
Source: Press, The Christchurch, New Zealand
Posted on: Wednesday, 1 October 2008, 15:00 CDT

New Zealand's mental health system has a dark history, with hundreds of former patients alleging abuse in state hospitals. Kim Thomas tells the story of one woman who suffered abuse and explores what former patients are doing to try and take back their lives.

♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥

Ursula spent her 22nd birthday huddling near naked in the corner of a bare room at Christchurch's Sunnyside Hospital.

She was incarcerated at the now defunct mental-health hospital for slicing her arms from wrist to armpit with razors.

During her year-long stay at Sunnyside, Ursula (not her real name) was abused and humiliated.

For at least two months she was housed in an isolation room where she was stripped, sometimes by male nurses, and dressed in a thick woollen smock as punishment for her rowdy behaviour.

Her underpants and bra were taken from her and she was forced to use a pot as her toilet, in a room visible to staff and other patients.

More than 20 years later the scars of Ursula's Sunnyside experience are still as visible as the razor marks lacing her arms. She is not alone.

Scores of former Sunnyside patients have disclosed abuse during their stay at the Gothic-style institution.

Nationwide, about 300 former patients claim abuse in mental hospitals during the 1960s, 70s and 80s. Many were sent to psychiatric institutions because of behavioural difficulties but then treated as if they had serious psychiatric illnesses. Some were as young as eight.

Allegations include physical and sexual abuse, long periods of solitary confinement and the use of electro-convulsive (electric shock) therapy (ECT) as punishment.

In 2004, Attorney-General Margaret Wilson announced the establishment of a confidential forum where former patients, their families and hospital staff could tell their stories.

It recently announced a new forum, called the Listening and Assistance Service, for people who allege abuse or neglect during their time in state care in the health, child welfare or residential special education sector before 1992.

Justice and compensation is also being pursued in the law courts.

Wellington lawyer Sonia Cooper represents about 200 of 300 former psychiatric patients, including Ursula, seeking compensation for abuse.

They filed their first claims for compensation in 2004 but the matter remains unresolved. Cooper says she tried to negotiate with the Government out of court but failed.

In the latest chapter of this long running legal process, the Court of Appeal recently passed a judgment saying the Government had to prove that the actions former patients say was abuse was actually treatment, Cooper says.

"We want an acknowledgement that this abuse happened and an apology. If the Crown had been willing to deal with this out of the courts we wouldn't be pursuing legal action," Cooper says.

The Government has already made one large settlement to former psychiatric patients; in 2001, 183 former patients of Lake Alice's adolescent unit received an apology and a share of $10.7 million compensation for claims including receiving ECT and injections as punishment, sexual abuse, ECT on the genitals in several cases, and one of being locked in a cage with a deranged adult.

About 240 civil cases are still pending.

A Crown Law office spokeswoman says it is reading the very complicated Crown Law judgement to decide what steps to take next.

Ursula says she would be dead had she stayed longer in Sunnyside. She sought legal counsel and had herself checked out of the hospital.

Ursula has a diagnosis of borderline personality disorder. She says 20 years ago the disorder was poorly understood.

As a result, treatment for her self-harm and erratic behaviour involved being put into an isolation cell as punishment. Good behaviour was rewarded with treats such as winning her underwear back.

For a sexual abuse victim such as Ursula, being stripped was the ultimate in humiliation.

"I saw it as an extension of the brutality I had already had forced on me."

She says she cannot believe the way people such as herself were treated in an environment that was supposed to be therapeutic.

Sunnyside was demolished last year. But even after its demise it holds a significant and sinister place in Christchurch's collective conscience.

Christchurch theatre director Tony McCaffrey has recently secured Creative New Zealand funding to develop a play based on the goings on in the former mental-health hospital, which he hopes to open the stage curtains on next year.

As part of his research McCaffrey visited the ruins of the old hospital and pored over patient log books and photographs.

He also interviewed former nurses, superintendents and patients.

"I believe it's important to acknowledge the huge role Sunnyside played in Christchurch's history and craft a memorial to that," McCaffrey says.

"Since I started this project almost everyone I talk to has some connection to the place, whether they knew someone who worked there or stayed there. Everyone has a story."

McCaffrey says Sunnyside housed people from all walks of life and the way they were treated is an insight into the community's psyche over the past century.

Sunnyside's history also provides a window into the dark history of Christchurch because of some of the inhumane acts that happened there.

Mental Health Foundation chief executive Judi Clements said abuse that occurred in institutions is a crying shame.

She says many staff from those times still feel ill at the things that went on.

However, they were often only doing what they were told or what was best practice at the time, Clements says. In time, people will probably look back at certain practices which occur in the mental health sector now, such as electric shock therapy, and condemn them as cruel or unnecessary.

My neighbor said to Jane that she is nothing but a hypocrite and liar. “But mommy, I am not a liar, I am going to school.”

Jane’s mother refused. Jane asked where she was supposed to go and her mother said that she was going to be married. Jane was shocked by the news.

Jane said, “no mother! I am not ready to be married to that old man. I am sorry, please mommy, what I need now is to go to school. I am too young to be married.”

My neighbor was so surprised when Jane said that, she started to laugh at her child saying, “ooh my, Jane you are not as young as you think.”

Jane was only 16 years old. “Do you think it’s fair to do this to me mother?” My neighbor replied with a yes.

Jane was in so much pain. All she wanted was to go back to school. But her mother was forcing her and if she did not marry this guy, she would be forced to leave home. So she did.

I don’t think that this is good for these young girls because I feel like they are my sisters. So please, I am asking you parents to stop abusing your children like this with early marriages.