NETFLIX SYNOPSIS:  Perhaps Danny Kaye's most memorable vehicle, The Court Jester features his classic, tongue-twisting "poison pellet" patter. As the titular jester, Kaye is in his element as he tries to assist the rightful king of England in regaining his throne. Angela Lansbury, Basil Rathbone and Glynis Johns co-star in this 1956 comedy that strikes just the right note of slapstick silliness.

REVIEW:  This is quite a funny movie with several tongue twisters. I still get confused if it is the "vessel with the pestle" or the "flagon with the dragon" or the "chalice from the palace" that has the brew that is true, knowing the "hero" should avoid the pellet with the poison.

Danny Kaye is right in his form with the tongue twisters and some slapstick, having to play a world-renowned jester while suspected of being a great spy (an enemy of the current ruler), but he is a carnival performer so he has his hands full taking care of the infant king, a romance, stealing the key to the underground passage, and staying alive.

Period comedy in the age of knights.

4.5 stars
Mark

Towny says "I'm bored" and I said "don't worry towny, I have an idea"

I went through my little black book of pleasure looking for the perfect candidate to chuck on tonight’s special menu, a spit roast, but unfortunately the A grade meat was out of town, and the C and D Grade weren't too keen on the idea. It was then I stumbled across Dirty number 5s number

Now let's throw in a little back story on this one. I had known dirty number 5 for a few months now, and from setting my eyes on the dirty canvas that would later create this story, I never liked her. I was continually mean to her..... so I decided to call her

Mind you it was the ungodly hour of 2am, but that didn't stop this Croation Sensation from trying his luck!

“Hi how are you goin? I've missed you so much”, my lines were cutting through her defences like precision placed sniper fire on JFK

Soon I found myself going to her house for a chat, which later turned to a walk to the park, which later turned out to me banging dirty number 5 as hard as i could on the park bench

She was moaning, but I had to gag her with my sock, couldn't have her waking up the members of the general public and catch us in the act.

I couldn't stand to look at her face, so i turned her around, and inch by inch it was getting better and better. I was driving it in there with about as much care as Lady Di’s driver on the streets of France

We were going at it for what seemed like eternity, before I quickly pulled out and gave her dressing gown a taste of my homemade special glaze

Without walking her home, I said "well I better be going" and ran back to my home

but that is not where the fun ended with dirty number 5

TO BE CONTINUED

[22:19] Aaron Wright: Ben is... afk >_>
[22:19] Joe: now's our chance!
[22:19] Aaron Wright: To slack off?
[22:20] Joe: no, you fool, I at least have been busy with that for almost 12 hours and I still have yet to meet a quota
[22:20] Aaron Wright: Then what are we going to do?
[22:20] Joe: I meant, it is time to do the plan
[22:20] Aaron Wright: ...frick, I must have missed the memo.
[22:20] Joe: firstly, we must make a the plan
[22:21] Aaron Wright: What should this the plan entail?
[22:24] Joe: it should first have a main idea for the plan, followed by some potential actions in order to adequately perform a the plan as well as escape plans for the plan should things go awry
[22:26] Aaron Wright: There should be no escape plan because there should be no room for failure.
[22:27] Joe: ah, so an addendum should be made then: backup plans to ensure the plan does not need an escape plan
[22:27] Aaron Wright: Indeed.
[22:27] Joe: excellent, so are we clear on the plan?
[22:28] Aaron Wright: Sure.
[22:28] Joe: good, when should commencement time for the plan be in order to do the plan?
[22:29] Aaron Wright: Immediately upon arrival at the plan site.
[22:29] Joe: I like the way you think
[22:30] Joe: remind me to give you a promotion for tactical assistance in regards to the plan for your help on the plan preparation and setup
[22:31] Aaron Wright: Shoudl that be tacked on as an addendum to the plan?
[22:32] Joe: perhaps as a foot note under the heading footnotes regarding events occuring during the plan preparation
[22:32] Joe: okay, I admit it, there is no the plan nor is there anything to do while ben is afk as opposed to him being active
[22:33] Aaron Wright: Ah, then all is going according to my plan.
[22:34] Joe: curses! I knew I should've had a counter plan concerning the existence of Aaron's my plan!
[22:34] Aaron Wright: Hah! You have been foiled.
[22:36] Joe: Then I'll have to sign the terms of failure in the event of being defeated by Aaron's my plan
[22:37] Aaron Wright: Are you aware of what the terms of failure in the event of being defeated by Aaron's my plan is?
[22:40] Joe: well, typically a embarrassing action on the part of the defeated for the amusement of the victor is undergone, but the important part is tangible or intangible release of properties due to unnecessary defeat, right?
[22:40] Joe: alright, enough of that
[22:40] Aaron Wright: I'm watching the Press Conference video, was Jim a reference to Meyers?
[22:40] Joe: Jim?
[22:40] Joe: I don't think so
[22:40] Aaron Wright: Well I see that as a lost opportunity.
[22:41] Joe: while we're on the subject:
[22:41] Joe: Meyers???
[22:41] Aaron Wright: *Meijer
[22:42] Joe: ah, then allow me to rescind my previous statement
[22:43] Joe: Meijer!?!?!?
[22:43] Aaron Wright: Yeah, every time you talk about Meijer you always talk about that one guy that has all the money.
[22:45] Joe: ha, that would've been awesome, though only to you and me
[22:45] Aaron Wright: Well it was funny to the audience no matter what name you put in.
[22:45] Joe: unfortunately, his name is Spencer Harris. And don't worry, he has it all
[22:45] Joe: aye
[22:45] Aaron Wright: Then you should have said Spencer had all the money.
[22:46] Joe: maybe at Anime central he will
[22:46] Aaron Wright: Fantastic
[22:46] Joe: or he'll have all of something anyway
[22:46] Joe: like pudding, or ambrosias
[22:46] Aaron Wright: I'm glad we had this conversation about money and Meyer and Meijer and such.
[22:46] Joe: me too, I think there was a lot of progress here today

...join the queer boycott of sub-par tourist restaurant "Dick's Last Resort"!!!

Dear Gaycondo readers:

As many of you know, Paul and I recently went on a Las Vegas family vacation with my parents, my brother, sister-in-law, aunt and uncle. We had a really great time and luckily were smart enough to set a gambling budget (all of which we lost) that wasn't too high. It was great seeing my family, all of whom live 3000 miles away. Yes, everything was just fantastic....

.....until we experienced Dick.

For those lucky enough to have never been to a Dick's location, here is the basic premise. Dick's is a resaurant with about seven location in major cities throughout the U.S that caters largely to tourists. They serve pretty unremarkable fried bar food and hang dumb stuff on their walls (a la T.G.I.Friday's). What seperates them from the million other chain eateries with the same formula is that they have this whole schtick where the servers make fun of you. They call you names and pretend to get pissed off when you ask for a glass of water.... *yawn* Essentially, this is light S&M for middle class tourists who don't ever evperience real life verbal conflict. I suppose they percieve it as a shot of drama into what is maybe a fairly undramatic daily life.... whatever.

But don't get me wrong! I am not too cool for school! I love cheesy stuff like this. In fact, I have a tradition of eating at Friday's every Christmas Eve. I don't think I am too classy for chicken finger's! However, this style of food is not really my number one choice when I am on vacation. I eat bar grub enough at home as it is.

For whatever reason, my family really seemd to want to eat there. On the way to the resaurant, I turned to Paul and said, "Get ready for some heterosexist bullshit".  I couldn't have been more right in my assumption.

The reason I implore you to join me in a boycott of Dick's, wonderful Gaycondo readers, is for their offensive gender and sexuality based insults. They have this whole "game" they play there where they place paper hats on people's heads that have insults written on them. They do this without first letting people see what the hats says. Many of the insults are harmless, benign, and unoriginal pokes at people's age or taste in clothes, but several cross the line.

I witnessed numerous younger women who were put in hats that basically declared them to be alcoholic whores. Though I didn't see anyone outright complain about this, I couldn't help but notice how many of them were quickly removing the hats and placing them under their tables where no one could see.  Shaming women for being sexual is some seriously fucked up shit that propagates years of social degredation that all women in American experience and are dealing with or have dealt with. Watching these women silently protest this degredation totally bummed me out. I really wanted to see one of them fucking explode and start screaming..... but they didn't.

When my turn came to be insulted, a similiar gender/sexuality based insult was used. Without my first seeing it, I was put in a hat (that my entire family saw) which read, "I think Richard Simmons is sexy!"

This insult is reliant on the belief that there is something inherently unsexy about Simmons media persona. Which is to say, that there is something unnatractive about effeminate, loud, and brassy gay men. The whole punchline of the joke for them is that the insultee is embarrassed about being seen as someone who would experience queer based desire. Dick's derives humor from the idea that we as a community should be ashamed if we are not hetero-normative in our personalities. A shame, which sadly, a lot of people have internalized.

The fact that this occurred when I was with my family made me feel so mad, embarassed, and ashamed. I felt incapable of doing anything but duplicating the women around me by silently removing my hat and placing it under the table. Under normal circumstances, I would have raised a shit storm, but I didn't want to ruin my families time there (they seemed to be really into the whole concept restaurant thing) by making a scene.

BUT DON'T WORRY!!

After were done eating and had left, I excused myself to my family and told them I had to get something from my room. Secretly, I walked back to Dick's and approached the host. I told him, "I think it is really douchey to use gender and sexual orientation as a tool to insult people. It is totally disgusting!" He then got very serious and told me that using that brand of insults is specifically prohibited by Dick's. This fact is of course completely irrelevent. If wait staff have been using these hats for a period of time (which they obviously were since so many people were wearing duplicate insults), then these particular messages must have been seen and approved my higher ups in the company. They must simply think that unless the hat specifically uses the word "faggot" , then it is not homophobic and heterosexist.

If you are reading this and have a blog of your own, please pass the message on to your readers. If we all do this together, then I'm sure the message will be heard. Let's teach them to stop using this type of hate language tworards their queer and female patrons!

STICK IT TO DICK!!!

http://www.planetvids.com/html/SNL-Hip-Hop-Kids.html

It isn't greed or violence or the imperialistic need to control every government on the planet.

It's not even war or Dick Cheney.

It's bread.

Don't believe me, oh Gluttons of Gluten????

As they are want to do, the noted thinkers at Laurie Industries did some in-depth investigating and have uncovered startling evidence which proves beyond a shadow of a doubt that bread kills, maims, leads to terrorism and is ultimately responsible for Barack Obama's meteoric and messianic rise to political fame.

That's right, Flour Tits; statistics DON'T lie:.

1. More than 98 percent of convicted felons are bread eaters

2. More than half.... HALF of all children who grow up in bread-consuming households score below average on standardized tests. How do we know this? In Kindergarten, these kids ate paste and paste is made from flour and water and shit and specific glue ingredients that only Elmer knows for sure. Need we say more?

3. In the 18th century, diseases like the Plague plagued mankind. Entire nations were wiped out, all because of filthy, flea infested, BREAD EATING rodents.

4. Bread is associated with all the major diseases of the body. For example, nearly all sick people have eaten bread. The effects are obviously cumulative and extend beyond the physiological:

• 99.9% of all people who die have eaten bread
• 100% of all soldiers have eaten bread
• 96.9% of all Communist sympathizers have eaten bread.
• Cubans LOVE bread
• 99.7% of the people involved in mid-air collisions and automobile accidents ate bread within 6 to 12 months preceding said accident.
• As a pro football player and actor and knife wielder, O.J Simpson "earned a lot of bread" in his lifetime
• 93.1% of juvenile delinquents come from homes where bread is served frequently.
• The singing group, "Bread", a band which was immensely popular in the late 60's and early 70's, was known for it's vile and subversive lyrics. For example: Bread's front man, David Gates sang; " I found her diarrhea 'neath a tree....". Disgusting AND deplorable!!!  This song should be banned on every Oldies station and elevator in America, effective immediately
• Convicted serial killer, Ted Bundy loved bread...a love affair which lead him to the electric chair. John Wayne Gacy, who was put to death for the gruesome and grizzly deaths of more than thirty young men and boys, reportedly loved bread, too. In fact, it's said he violated muffins and rolls in absolutely unheard of ways. Bakers referred to him as a "breadophile".
• Hillary Clinton has been known to eat toast

6. Evidence points to the long-term effects of bread eating: Of all people born before 1839 who later ate a consistent diet of bread, they are ALL dead today. That means eating bread gives humans a 100% mortality rate.

7. Bread is made from a substance called "dough." It has been proven that as little as a teaspoon of dough can be used to suffocate a lab rat. Therefore, bread causes lung cancer in mice

8. Primitive tribal societies that have no bread exhibit a low incidence of cancer, Alzheimer's, Parkinson's disease, osteoporosis, varicose veins, rectal itch and ATM withdrawals

9. Bread IS addictive. Subjects that were deprived of bread and given only water, begged for bread after only two days. Lack of bread creates hunger and hunger keeps that gelatinous whiner, Sally Struthers employed. By eliminating bread, we can eliminate hunger and if we eliminate hunger, we can mercifully eliminate Gloria Bunker Stivic's late night TV career

10. Bread is often a "gateway" food item. It leads to the user moving on to "harder" items such as butter, jelly, peanut butter, and even cold cuts and various spreads. One gentlemen I know went on vacation in Turkey. He came back home three weeks later with a Pita monkey on his back. He said he just loafed around Istanbul. Yep...it was bread; he was hookah'd

11. Evil and enlightening books burn at 451 degrees Fahrenheit. Ray Bradbury taught us that. It is any wonder then that malevolent bread is baked at temperatures as high as 400 degrees Fahrenheit?? Why do you think they call it "Wonder Bread"?

In light of these frightening statistics, we propose the following bread restrictions:

1. No sale of bread to minors. They don't need to be eating that stuff while working 100 feet beneath the Earth's surface

.2. A nationwide "Just Say No To To Dough" campaign, complete celebrity TV spots featuring Blythe Danner, that fat chick who used to schill for Snapple and Larry Storch, plus the requisite bumper stickers, lapel pins and oversized fan foam fingers.

3. A 300 percent federal tax on all bread to pay for all the societal ills we might associate with bread. The over the counter purchase of sweet rolls, bear claws and crullers will include a SIN-amin Tax. .

4. No animal or human images, nor any primary colors (which may appeal to children) may be used to promote bread usage. We are fully prepared to take The Pillsbury Dough Boy and Sara Lee, to court if he have to. This includes a ban on Joe Camel's erstwhile cartoon cousin, the animated bread mascot, Nick BaggaBuns ; a ne'er-do well Brooklyn-accented purple ocelot dressed in black leather pants and a burlap coat.

5. We will demand the establishment of "Bread-free" zones around schools, seminaries and the Democratic National Committee Headquarters

.

So, there you have it.

My mother, Saint Nonie of Kendrick knew this. She understood the perils involved in overt bread consumption. This woman was clearly ahead of her time. She was keenly aware what too much bread could and would do to her progeny, so as my sisters and I were growing up, she limited our intake of bread on a regular basis. In fact, she was a stickler about prohibiting our consumption of eat white bread after Labor Day and by the same token, we couldn't eat dark rye after Easter.

Bread is evil.

.

As you can see it's pretty awesome.

"Affirmative"

Horror comedy for BBC Three duo
Mathew Horne and James Corden
Horne and Corden play best friends Fletch and Jimmy in the British film

Gavin and Stacey actors Matthew Horne and James Corden are to co-star in a comedy called Lesbian Vampire Killers.

The actors, who recently signed up to make a new comedy sketch show for BBC Three, play friends who find themselves stuck in a village of bloodsuckers.

Corden said it was "a dream come true" to make the picture with "best friend" Horne. The latter said he would have "a fun time" working on the project.

"I love lesbians, I love vampires and I quite like James Corden," he added.

Lesbian Vampire Killers is written by Stewart Williams, a writer on Channel 4's Friday Night Project, and Paul Hupfield from Balls of Steel.

While neither a fan of Matthew Horne or James Corden, I'm sure they could be perfectly presentable in a big-budget britsh comedy. My main worry is the film itself, coming from writers from Friday Night Project and Balls of Steel can we hope for anything better than the turgid slop that is shoveled onto Channel Four screens on Friday Nights? Perhaps not, after all I'm an eternal optimist and I believe that every one deserves a second chance..... oh wait, sorry, I just saw a piece of trivia on the imdb page:

Writers Williams and Hupfield were challenged to think of the dumbest and yet most commercial title possible for a film, Lesbian Vampire Killers was the answer. They then went away and wrote the script.

There is no hope, no hope for any of us. After the wonderful performance of "Three and Out" at the box office (a stunning £189,454 on its opening weekend), I thought we had reached the nadir of British Comedy. With the news of Lesbian Vampire Killers, I fear we have not yet hit rock bottom.

The only saving grace will be to hear Mark Kermode's rant on Radio 5's Simon Mayo show.

I leave you with the delightful synopsis of the film taken from AV Pictures website:

Two no-hopers. One cursed village.

A bus full of foreign female students and an army of salacious lesbian vampires. It's gonna be one hell of a night!

Eternal slacker Jimmy Maclaren and his friend, Fletch, are enjoying a walking holiday on The Moors. Thanks to an unfortunate series of events, they find themselves stuck in a remote cottage with a camper-van full of sexy foreign student girls, besieged by a hungry army of lascivious lesbian vampires.

Can they make it till dawn or will the Sapphic soul suckers bleed them dry?

The two friends have been sent to this desolate outpost as human sacrifices by the local townspeople - a group of terrified men, whose women have all been enslaved by a legendary vampire curse placed on their village by Carmilla the Lesbian Vampire Queen. Soon after the curse was cast, Carmilla was executed by 17th Century vampire hunter Baron Wolfgang Maclaren ... who, by coincidence, was Jimmy's great, great grandfather.

Back in the cottage, the army of the undead prove they have a bloodlust when the moon is full, matched only by their lust for the flesh of other women! As the pretty travellers are picked off one-by-one, joining the ranks of the undead, Jimmy and student Lotte are captured by the lesbian vampires who plan to use their blood to resurrect the spirit of Carmilla, their Vampire Queen! It's up to Jimmy's good-for-nothing best friend Fletch, and his newfound ally - a disgruntled local vicar - to save them all before sunrise.

Armed with the sword of long-dead vampire slayer Wolfgang Maclaren, Fletch and the vicar track down their preternatural prey to Carmilla's mansion lair, and a life or death battle ensues. Jimmy and the last remaining girl, Lotte, are saved, the vampires slain and their curse lifted forever! Now all that is left for our heroes to do is rebuild their lives and embrace their newfound destiny.

As The Lesbian Vampire Killers!

When I was in La Paz, Bolivia I shared a room with a Dutch guy for a few days.
One day he came back from wandering the city and said that he had walked by a whole area filled with brothels and sex shops.

The next day he showed me the area.

They were all unisex hair salons.

We were both disappointed.

IF YOU ARE VOTING FOR KHANG, PLEASE READ.

Khang has said that, if he wins the title of Grade 11 Rep, he will shave off his cheese-stash! I know a lot of us want him to get rid of that thing, and if he wins, it will put an end to the peach fuzz above his lip.

SPREAD THE WORD. KHANG MUST WIIIIIIIIIIINNNNN.

That is all

The above was a message sent to all members of Khang Nguyen for Grade 11 Rep group on Facebook.

Interesting promise, eh?

Oh well.  It's better than nothing, eh?

Sabi nila bawat piso mahalaga, nalaman kong totoo yun... Nung panahong nahihirapan pa akong magkaroon ng pera, sa di inaasahang pagkakataon may kagimbal-gimbal na himala ang nangyari sa aking buhay... isang bulok na piso ang tumambad sa aking harapan...(GRABE ANG LALIM NG TAGALOG KO... BINABALINGUYNGUY NA TULOY AKO...) Hindi ko makakalimutan ang pangyayaring iyon, 1997 pa nga ang nakalagay sa bandang ilalim ng PISO...

Biglang may lumapit sa akin at sinabing "kuya taya ka naman sa ending", napaisip ako kung itataya ko ba ang piso ko para sa pagkakataong manalo ng jackpot na tumataginting na 70pesos, pero naisip ko na gusto ko na itong gastusin nung araw ding yon... Kaya hindi ako tumaya sa bata at naglakad ako, nakakita ako ng tindahan bibili sana ako ng MANI, kaso naisip ko na nakaka-taghiyawat nga pala ito... kaya umisip ako ng ibang bibilhin... CANDY ang naisip ko, kaso sumakit nga pala ang ngipin ko nung nakaraang araw kaya hindi ko na binili... Nagisip uli ako, naisip kong bumili ng sigarilyo kaso naalala ko na hindi pala ako naninigarilyo, kaya nagisip uli ako...(GRABE, NAUBOS NA UTAK KO KAKAISIP...)

Ibibili ko sana ng chocolatekaso bukod sa nakakasakit na ito ng ngipin, ito ay nakaka-taghiyawat pa...(OO! Tama, Nakaka-taghiyawat pa ang pagkain ng chocolate... May natutunan na naman kau...) Kaya(as usual) nag-isip uli ako...(GRABE, NGAYON KO LANG NAISIP NA MADAMING BESES PALA AKONG NAGISIP NUNG ARAW NA YUN...)Bibili na lang sana ako ng JUNK FOOD kaso naalala ko ang sinabi ng MOTHERNESS ko na wag daw kumain ng JUNK FOOD...(Kakainin daw ng MONSTER ang Tyan ko... Auko nga mangyari un...) at muli... NAG-ISIP uli ako (WAG KA MAG-ALALA IBA NA INIISIP KO NGAYON) napagtanto ko na wala din naman akong maisip na bilhin kaya umalis na lang ako (SABI KO SAYO IBA NA INIISIP KO EH...) Kaya muli akong nagpatuloy maglakad at sa daanan at nakakita ako ng banner ng bakery kaya pinuntahan ko ito para bumili ng tinapay... Kaso sarado pala ang bakery... Kaya umalis ako at naramdaman ko ang di pangkaraniwang pakiramdam, parang gumuguhit ang init sa aking lalamunan at para bang desyerto ang pakiramdam (SA MADALING SALITA... NAUUHAW NA AKO) Naghanap ako ng mabibilhan ng ice tubig at nung makakita na ako ng konting liwanag sa aking paghahanap (SA MADALING SALITA... NAKAKITA AKO NG ICE TUBIG FOR SALE..) ay biglang sinakluban ng kadiliman ang natitira kong pag-asa (SA MADALING SALITA... NAKITA KONG 1peso at 50cents ANG ICE TUBIG NILA) kulang ang pera ko... Kaya naglakad uli ako..(Kaya ako nauuhaw eh.. Lakad kasi ako ng lakad...) Biglang may nakita akong pamilyar na mukha.. Pinsan ko pala.. Mangungutang sya ng piso... inisip ko kung papautangin ko sya... at naisip kong wag na lang... kaya umalis ako... at nakakita ako ng TUGUDOINKS(isang term ng mga taga sa amin para sa slot machine o kaya fruit game) Dun ko na lang naisip n gastusin ang piso ko.. Akalain mo ba namang TUMAMA AKO ng 10pesos.. Eh natuwa ako itinaya ko ulit... at pagtingin ko sa pera ko ay wala na pala ito dahil natalo na...

Kaya hanggang ngayon naglalakbay pa rin ang piso ko... Sa mga naglalaro sa TUGUDOINKS baka kayo na ang may hawak ng piso ko...

MORAL OF THE STORY:Wag ipang-TUGUDOINKS ang pera para hindi ka mawalan ng pera..

SONG FOR THIS STORY:Ka-tono ng ako ay may lobo...

Ako ay may piso... tinaya sa FRUIT GAME... Di ko na nakita... Naubos na pala... Sayang lang PISO ko... Tinaya sa FRUIT GAME... Kung pagkain sana... Nabusog pa ako... huhuhu..

I own a Wii and I love it. It was one of the best Christmas presents I have received within the last few years, I felt like a kid again, when I got my Castle GraySkull action set when I was 10 or so.

What's next you ask? I think maybe Wii Life or maybe for adults Wii Sex. Nah, that would stupid.

How about Wii Eat? Where you learn about how to create culinary masterpieces. I tried Cooking Mama but I can't stand it. I can never understand what the heck it's saying.

So if you have any other Wii ideas let me know.

I’m selling some of my shit : http://i283.photobucket.com/albums/kk300/WidowCentauri/Bondage-Furniture-For-Sale.jpg

I am looking for a place in San Diego for me, my girlfriend, and our cat. We are pretty flexible as to what we end up with. A giant warehouse might be right, a little beach cottage could work too. I’m gonna keep an open mind as we look at things that interest us. In the mean time I am looking for a temporary place to stay while I look for the right place.

Ideally you have a huge home and want to invite me to use you and it for my own well being. Maybe you are a pervert with a spare room. Either way I am hopeful that you will have room for a large cage and a bunch of my favorite toys that I just can’t part with. You obviously need to be kinky in order to invite us into your space, or kink curious. I’m game to play with you, in fact I would love to find a good slave in SD. Maybe it’s you!

In addition to a place to stay temporarily I need a place to have the occasional session (I am going into semi-retirement), a slave to drive me around, a big beautiful back man who wants to practice yoga and have freaky sex everyday, and a handy-man type slave. If you think you can amuse me in San Diego now is your chance. School starts in August and after it does don’t expect me to answer my phone, check my own email, or be even remotely easy to reach. I’ll be busy.

Don’t worry I’ll still blog about my sex life, If I’m not too busy to have a sex life that is.

Maybe I’ll be lucky enough to find that big beautiful black man who wants to practice yoga and have freaky sex everyday! If you are reading this you had better say hello!

If you go to www.combat-hooligans.comand go to the podcast you can see that its shorter then
usual. I mean the IFL lasted longer than this podcast. I let the Master know that it was
short and needed fix. So check back and give a listen will ya............

How about the video of the day..................

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=umvJMg1Cf5c&feature=related

or this one

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mcWPE8o3jDI
How about the joke of the day............................

"I have a great diet. You're allowed to eat anything you want, but you must eat it with naked fat people." - Ed Bluestone

"Have you ever noticed Anybody going slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a moron." - George Carlin

You have to stay in shape. My grandmother, she started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She's 97 today and we don't know where the hell she is." - Ellen DeGeneris

"Don't spend two dollars to dry clean a shirt. Donate it to the Salvation Army instead. They'll clean it and put it on a hanger. Next morning buy it back for seventy-five cents." - Billiam Coronel

"I'm desperately trying to figure out why kamikaze pilots wore helmets." - Dave Edison

"Did you ever notice when you blow in a dog's face he gets mad at you? But when you take him in a car he sticks his head out the window." - Steve Bluestone

"I think men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage. They've experienced pain and bought jewelry." - Rita Rudner
Well thats it for me, so till tomorrow stay HARDCORE.

I'm starting up a new religion.

So far it doesn't have na official name - I'm just calling it the 'Jesus Budda religion'. I'll eventually think of a cool name for it.

It open to everyone that's willing to join in and follow me.

I've had an offer of a tent from one of the regular writers at theSpoof.com - could be my 'temple'.

I'd prefer a giant shoe.

The belieiefs of my religion are pretty open and inclusive - so long as you're not into rules too much, you'll be ok.

I'm hoping to keep the congregation numbers low-ish - around 1000. Controllable and I'd be able to keep my eyes on everyone.

Furher updates as soon as I think of some.

JB

Sen om damer och kärlek... stämmer, stämmer och stämmer!

Sen om kriget mot terrorism...

Sen om Tupac Shakur Boulevard...

ONE!

• There are 4 or 5 "no-way" moments
• Prior episodes have subtly established big twists and spinoff possibilities
• It's insane!

I'm a huge fan of twists and turns (as evidenced by my discussions about Lost twist endings with friends)...so, this is very good news.

Also excited to see where the spinoff talk leads, because it's potentially another great show that I'll be glad to watch from the beginning.

Let the speculation begin...you can guarantee I'll be glued to my TV tonight during the 1-hour Office season 4 finale!

Via Watch With Kristin

Movie star/director/nut-case, Mel 'Gibbo' Gibson, has once again shocked the respectable world of Hollywood by declaring his 'admiration' for Nazi's - to a group of Jewish school children while visiting their school.

Gibson - described as 'bonkers' by one little boy - entered the classroom with his ageing xenophobic Father and began ranting and raving while handing out food vouchers for his local KKK-owned supermarket and homemade gingerbread Hitler cookies.

"He told us that Nazi supermen are our masters. What's a Nazi?", sobbed 9-year-old Timmy.

The children's schoolteacher Miss Sensible sensed danger and immediately instructed the class to resume the Gibbo position.

"Every Jewish school has a Gibbo safety policy which we practice twice a day", said the sensible Miss

Sensible , "some people thought we were too reactionary but thank god for our training".

At the end of his rant, Gibson leapt from a 3rd floor window to the street below and escaped -naked - by foot into surrounding brush.
His Father took the stairs. Literally.
Firemen had to use ladders to rescue the stranded kids.
Gibson has subsequently apologized for his outburst and blamed it on drink and society.

Written by Jesus Budda

Find more Jesus Budda at www.CELEBATHON.blogspot.com and theSpoof.com

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I just read this article in the latest edition of EW that really seems interesting. It seems Oliver Stone is making a movie (simply called W) about none-other-than George W. himself. Supposedly a comedic piece with obvious dramatic undertones this sounds like it just might be worth seeing. Also it stars one of my favorite actors Josh Brolin. It's really strange how much he looks like the W with the makeup and hair.