O Brasil, com um total de seis produções, é o país da América Latina melhor representado na 36ª edição do Emmy Internacional, cujos indicados foram anunciados nesta segunda-feira em Cannes (França).

As categorias nas quais o país concorre são: melhor novela, "Paraíso Tropical"; melhor interpretação Pedro Cardoso ("A Grande Família") e Irene Ravache ("Eterna Magia"); melhor programa artístico, "Por Toda a Minha Vida: Nara Leão"; melhor série dramática, "Mandrake"; e melhor documentário, "Collision over the Amazon", sobre o acidente entre um avião da GOL e um jato Legacy.

Leia mais clicando aqui.

Carmit Bachar

Emmy Rossum

Tila Tequila

AnnaLynne McCord

Janie Bryant

Nicole Chavez

Kristen Bell

Jamie Lynn Sigler

Holly Madison

Rejected by Don Hertzfeldt is an animated short made in 2000. It was nominated for an Emmy in 2001 for Best Animated Short Film and has developed an internet cult following.

I was saddly "rejected" last week from meeting Don and screening his new short "Im So Proud Of You" at Bellingham's Pickford Cinema. Shouldn't have waited till the last minute, damn.

*Une petite note comme ça. y'a la blonde de Marco qui a perdu son emploi de manière assez poche. Bien sûr, elle est ouverte à toute proposition mais aimerait bien pouvoir se trouver quelque chose en communication/marketing. Plus de détails chez Marco! Merci :)*

-Un petit vendredi bien tranquille aujourd'hui. Étant donné que ça sera une journée pédagogique mardi, ça nous fait un beau week-end de quatre jours. Le genre de cadeaux que les étudiants aiment bien. Alors ils en profitent pour s'étirer le temps un peu plus en prenant vendredi de congé! Pourquoi quatre jours quand on peut en avoir cinq! Ce qui fait qu'aujourd'hui, les classes manquent la moitié de la junte estudiantine. Ça me fini bien une semaine ma foi fort chargée.

-Ça a fait deux mois il y a deux jours que ce blog existe. Coïncidence, nous avons franchi le cap des 10000 vues peu de temps avant. C'est toujours plaisant de se savoir lu, ça l'est d'autant plus quand c'est vous qui preniez le temps de nous faire un petit salut. Merci beaucoup de vos interventions! Elles nous touchent/nous font rire/nous font réfléchir (Quoique dans mon cas c'est plus compliqué... ;) )

-Ce qui m'amène à penser que JasMc aussi a franchi ce cap! Félicitations m'dame!

-C'est mon vendredi d'autoroute aujourd'hui. Je quitte rapido-presto après mon quart de travail pour aller chercher Emmy à Ste-Anne-du-Poisson-qui-pue. J'ai déjà hâte d'arriver à la maison c'est peu dire. C'est dans ces cas que j'aimerais donc jouer avec les minutes et les heures.

-Je vous en avait glissé un mot, ma belle-soeur a la gentillesse de me prêter sa voiture le temps que je trouve une alternative. Va me falloir intensifier les recherches sous peu. Je veux pas abuser de sa bonté et le positionnement de la clutch m'occasionne un engourdissement après quelques temps dans le trafic. C'est quoi l'idée d'avoir du trafic à 15 heures 15 osti! Faudrait vraiment que le monde prennent le temps de terminer à l'heure même si c'est vendredi m'semble :P Imaginez, je suis un fonctionnaire et je termine à l'heure lol!

-On se permet d'étirer le temps Emmy et moi en fin de semaine. On s'échappe tous les deux pour un week-end de camping automnal. Ils annoncent beau, ça va nous faire du bien de se retrouver dans le bois elle et moi. Question de reprendre le temps perdu grâce à la pluie de cet été qui a tombé une bonne partie de nos vacances justement.

-Faites-vous quelque chose de particulier en fin de semaine? Prendre le temps de se gâter :)

-Sur ce, je vous en souhaite un merveilleux!

October 04, 2008 -
Emmy award-winning filmmaker & Marywood Alum Mike Stivala is planning to showcase his hometown in his new Internet television series, "Hillers":
http://thetimes-tribune.com/articles/2008/10/04/lifestyles/sc_times_trib.20081004.c.pg1.tt04stivala_s1.1990863_fea1.txt

October 04, 2008 -
A $400,000 Scranton Area Foundation grant has been awarded to Commonwealth Medical College to fund scholarships over the next four years, the largest grant in the history of the community foundation. Chairman of the Foundation's board & Former Marywood Trustee George Lynett was quoted in the article:
http://thetimes-tribune.com/articles/2008/10/04/news/sc_times_trib.20081004.a.pg6.tt04safmedical_s1.1991171_loc.txt

October 05, 2008 -
Marywood Alum Jill Murray of Dunmore has been named vice president for academic affairs for Lackawanna College. Also, Marywood Alum Karen Gasper of Jermyn has been promoted to vice president, internal audit for Wayne Bank:
http://thetimes-tribune.com/articles/2008/10/05/business/sc_times_trib.20081005.h.pg3.tt05people_s1.1979638_bus.txt

October 05, 2008 -
Meet Northeast Woman Marywood Alum Rose Ellen Skodacek:
http://www.thetimes-tribune.com/articles/2008/10/05/lifestyles/sc_times_trib.20081005.f.pg3.tt05newskodacek_s1.1981378_fea.txt

October 05, 2008 -
Marywood University's science department was awarded $200,000 to support a new biotechnology faculty research position and to provide new opportunities in advanced technology:
http://thetimes-tribune.com/articles/2008/10/05/business/sc_times_trib.20081005.h.pg3.tt05bizbuzz_s1.1979632_bus.txt

October 06, 2008 -
Parent of Former Marywood Student State Sen. Robert J. Mellow and Marywood Friend PNC Bank Regional President Peter J. Danchak will be honored at the 65th anniversary dinner of Goodwill Industries of Northeastern Pennsylvania:

http://www.scrantontimes.com/articles/2008/10/06/news/sc_times_trib.20081006.a.pg3.tt06a3briefs_s1.1985714_loc.txt


Edward A. and Evelyn D'Agostino celebrated their 50th wedding anniversary 9/6/8.

J'ai rien à me reprocher mais j'aime toujours pas la police. Pour moi, ça rime avec malheur.

{Mise en contexte ici, je suis la première face que le monde voit quand ils entrent à l'école... Le resto, les toilettes et les classes sont pas trop loin de la porte d'entrée alors y'a de fortes chances que je me doive de répondre aux âmes perdues}

Meeting aujourd'hui concernant la pelletée de terre pour la nouvelle école. Je rapaille les trucs du dernier groupe qui quitte (départ précipité) et m'enligne pour tout barrer quand j'ai deux types qui se pointent devant moi. Un chinois de 5 pieds 4 pouces et un OSTI d'armoire à glace. L'armoire en question, un québécois, faisait 6 pieds 5 pouces et devait peser 250 livres... Un monstre...

La merveilleuse introduction: "Bonjour, nous sommes Eggroll (Hmmm des eggroll) et Poutine (présentation de la badge) nous désirons vérifier quelques trucs"

C'est à ce moment que mes genoux cassent. Ma blonde??? Ophélie??? Emmy???

Les deux monsieur m'annoncent qu'ils viennent checker les tags sur les bouteilles d'alcool et notre permis. Z'avez jamais vu un coeur se libérer l'instant d'un moment de toutes inquiétudes!

"'Entourage' é aquele tipo de fenômeno televisivo: uma comédia inteligente e afiada que continua a envolver. O criador Doug Ellin e sua notável equipe entregam uma série consistente que vale a pena ser vista", disse o presidente de programação da emissora Michael Lombardo.

As gravações da nova temporada devem começar no primeiro semestre de 2009 e estrear no verão dos Estados Unidos.

JOHN ADAMS la mini-serie original de HBO, se empezará a emitirse el Martes 21 de Octubre a las 8:15PM (Venezulea. Hora Anunciada) por HBO. Sipnosis:

Tras la masacre de Boston, John Adams decide ser el abogado defensor de soldados británicos. Con el apoyo de su esposa, gana el caso y se une a la creación del Congreso Continental. Debido a su éxito, deja a su familia para irse a Philadelphia.

La mini-serie cuenta con 7 episodios, de 70 minutos de duración cada uno, aproximadamente. Este año el show se llevo 13 premios Emmy, entre ellos, el de Mejor Mini-Serie. La serie se encontraba nominada en otras 10 categorías.

JOHN ADAMS, el Martes 21 de Octubre a las 8:15PM por HBO.

Etiquetas de Technorati: John Adams,HBO,Nuevo

I try to read a lot about new trends and I always like to know what is in and what's not. Lately I have watched closely the EMMY and BAFTA awards in order to see some fabulous outfits. Nevertheless I consider it to be a little late to start discussing now the different dresses, but still I need to emphasize how much I like Eva Longoria and Keira Knightley. Both Keira and Eva look very dramatic.

What do you think about it? Is't it absolutely magnificent the Valentino dress from Keira's outfit?

Get addicted to my blog. come back for more.

My monkey mind's knee jerk reaction, when presented with any new data, used to assume the WORST, that the future is over and done with ALREADY, and that I've drawn the short straw AGAIN.  Left to it's own devices, my monkey mind would write and edit my life story into a tragic, yet mildly amusing, soap opera drama.  And I hate soap operas,  swore off them back in high school, as the ultimate waste of time and energy.  Let's not forget that an endless and cyclical relationship dysfunction is the bread and butter of soap operas (or daytime drama if if you please) industry.  What if I could give my monkey mind some busy work to toil over... such as a writer of soap operas, skits, short stories, comics?  Would I be good enough to win a daytime Emmy?  Maybe I'll meet Oprah, Ellen, or one of the other phenomenal women who have inspired me.  SEE WHAT I MEAN?

I really like Pushing Daisies. It is a great show. If you haven’t seen it, go watch it. Now. It is funny, fun, quick-witted and quick-talking. It is a modern day fairy tale with some unusual love stories, but it might not be for everyone. On the other hand, you get a dead person in every episode and it is very cynical so I fell good watching it. The premiere gives you a quick recap of the main points of the show and offers the standard bizarre murder. I would say the premiere was basically a regular episode, except the show is so extraordinary that no episode is regular.

The premiere continues Chuck’s bee theme with a whole murder based around bees. Of course when they talk to the dead lady, she says she didn’t see her murderer and offers very little information. So Chuck infiltrates the bee company and almost gets killed in the process. French Stewart guest stars as the owner of the bee company and while he doesn’t flex his comedy muscle much, he is always fun to watch.

There are also some dramatic issues involving Olive and Chuck’s aunts in the premiere. Olive actually leaves the Pie Hole! For people new to the show, did I mention Chuck is dead, or was dead, and that her aunts don’t know she’s alive again, but Olive does and she thinks Chuck faked her own death, but Ned and Emerson know Ned brought her back. And can anyone think of a better name for a pie shop than the Pie Hole? Ned owns it and everyone shows up there or works there.

This show is even safe to watch with your kids. While there is a lot of sexual tension, the main couple can’t even touch because Chuck would die (again) if Ned ever touches her (again). One touch brings things to life, another touch puts them back to dead.

It is not too often that great writing and great acting come together in a show that is just fun to watch. It isn’t that difficult to follow, they just talk fast a lot of the time. For some reason, great shows like this often get cancelled before their time. You may have noticed that I’m “subtly” pushing the show more than reviewing it, but if you watched the premiere you probably already know it’s great and will watch it again and if you haven’t watch it, maybe you’ll watch it now. Right now!

Here’s the link again:

http://www.abc.go.com/player/?pn=index&partner=rm&cid=rm+Evergreen+google+Pushing_Daisies

so when will she learn people?!

Emmy was bored and wanted to try something new saw that everyone else had a wordpress and figured, 'Hey why not make one too?!'. Of course when Emmy does it, it is totally stupid, but eh, whatever right? I just figured I would try, and have some fun with it and such. Eh, enough excuses.

So...

I made this for writing? maybe? Kind of... I just wanted to have one? God I don't even know.

I really hate not knowing things, it makes me feel extremely stupid.

Well, i'll probably update this every once in a while... <3

story synopsis
40 Years of Respect
In 1967 two things hit Detroit that would forever change it's history; The Aretha Franklin recorded her famous song, "RESPECT" and the riots. When Franklin came out with RESPECT it literally spelled out the one thing she wanted as a woman in the 60's. The song revolutionized the music industry and helped women break through barriers.  The song was recorded in Franklin's hometown, Detroit, during a year that was pivotal for that city. Tensions in the African American community rose In 1967 when a freeway was built right through a section of town called, "Black Bottom", a predominately  African American community. A riot broke out after a few police harrassed some African Americans. That year the Detroit Free Press won the Pulitzer for their reporting of the riots.
This series entitled "40 Years of Respect" goes and looks at 1967 and those two events and relates them to today.

hw did you feel when you won

I was surprised that we won, not because of insecurities in our project but because of the high level of competition we were up against (NY Times, Frontline, Washington Post). This was my second time at the Emmys so I knew a bit what to expect.  Last year I was surprised too when we won but the whole edge of the competition was different then because it was new to me and it was the first year a newspaper won in a broadband specific category (competed against National Geographic, Frontline, Washington Post, Newsweek). The win this year was pinnacled by winning with my best friend in the biz, Brian Kaufman.

Working with Kaufman during this project was the best part of it. In my opinion he is one of the best editors and video shooters in the USA. In early 2005, while I was still at Brooks, I had just come back from Vietnam after documenting the return of war photographer Nick Ut for the 30th Anniversary of the Fall of Saigon when the subject of Ut's image, Kim Phuc, called me to ask me to document her going to Uganda. I knew the story of her going to an orphanage and burn center in Uganda was going to be a challenge to document thoroughly in two mediums.  I talked to Kaufman after that call about possibly teaming up with me on this story.  After one more call to secure this trip I yelled across the south lawn at Brooks, " Hey Kaufman, we're going to Uganda".  And he was in.
So how did it feel winning, I'll get to that. After I got a job straight out of Brooks at the Detroit Free Press, Kaufman graduated and got a job at Naples Daily News. A few months after documenting wealthy people, turtle races and storms he traded beaches for bums and moved to Detroit. I think he moved up to Detroit to work at the paper because he missed his good old friend Steve.
So after working next to Kaufman for 4 years, sitting next to him at the Emmys was an amazing mark on our professional careers and our friendship. I had my hand on his shoulder as they were opening up the envelop (ready to consul him in our loss sorry to say, ready to say, "Don't worry, we will be back again"). When they announced, "Freep.com for RESPECT" I stated loudly, "Shut up bro, we won" at which many people turned around startled. Then we walked to the stage.

I think receiving a national spotlight on your work is a blessing and being recognized by the Academy is humbling and an honor, but I continue to say, it is not about the victory, it is about the vision.  There are amazing filmmakers and photographers that never get an award or nationally recognized and their work is still amazing.  For students I would have to say to not focus on personal prestige, status or affiliation, focus on producing work that means something to you, whether it is work that you want to do or not.

Brooks is the reason I am here today, doing what I am doing, because it gave me a great platform to push myself. I believe God chose me for this path as has a plan for me and for all of us who chose to go to Him to find that plan. I give all my thanks to Him.

Join us there, and hear how Emmy, my service dog, and I are getting along! Our adventures and our foibles will be chronicled there.

Cheerio!

Turtlemom3 AKA Elizabeth

OUTSTANDING DRAMA SERIES
Winner: "Mad Men"

JESSICA CHOOSES:
“Mad Men” - I was very torn with this one. "Lost" is one of my all-time favorite TV shows and pretty much any other year, it would be my choice. However, "Mad Men" is truly outstanding and "Lost" has already won this award. Therefore, I'm going with "Mad Men."

P.S. "Friday Night Lights" should have gotten a nomination in this category. Seriously, some of the best programming on TV. "Boston Legal" can't even carry the shoes (or should I say cleats...get it? Because they're a football team...cleats) of "Friday Night Lights."

ALISON CHOOSES:
"Mad Men" - I was very happy "Mad Men" won. But I wish that there could have been a tie between "Lost," "Mad Men" and "Dexter." Those are the three shows that both my TiVo and I worship. I also think "Breaking Bad" should have been nominated.

P.S. I am aware Jessica’s cleats joke is a pun, thus the lowest form of comedy, but it makes her giggle at her own cleverness every time she reads it. Sorry readers.

OUTSTANDING COMEDY SERIES
Winner: "30 Rock"

JESSICA CHOOSES:
“30 Rock” - If I haven't yet made my love of all things Tina Fey-related known, then let me proclaim it now. Tina, I would give up my Sandwich Day-sandwich for you. This show is simply sublime. Episode 210 and Sandwich Day are some of the funniest things I've ever seen on TV. If you're not watching this show, I'm not sure we can be friends.

ALISON CHOOSES:
I agree with Jessica and that is why we can be friends. And if you're someone who has no idea what "Werewolf Bar Mitzvah" is, then I feel sorry for you and think you should take a serious look at your life and your taste in television.

Speaking of taste or lack of, is "Entourage" actually worthy of even being in this category? I'll admit I enjoyed this show the first two seasons, but it's not funny anymore. It's starting to feel douchey at this point.

To the fans of "Two and a Half Men" who helped get it nominated,
Really?
Alison

OUTSTANDING ACTOR IN A DRAMA SERIES
Winner: Bryan Cranston ("Breaking Bad")

JESSICA CHOOSES:
Kyle Chandler ("Friday Night Lights"). Yes, I realize the academy did not even nominate him, but that is not stopping me from giving him the award.

ALISON CHOOSES:
Bryan Cranston ("Breaking Bad") I actually furiously clapped when Bryan Cranston won, despite sitting in an apartment with four other people (who were not clapping). I love this show and am constantly surprised and impressed with his performance in it. But if the world were a more magical place full of rainbows and unicorns (like it is in my head), I would also give an award to Michael C. Hall for "Dexter" and Jon Hamm for "Mad Men." I would also give Jon Hamm some kind of award for being kind enough to go with Regis Philbin to surprise his wife, Joy.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dHctRh8pY9Y

OUTSTANDING LEAD ACTOR IN A COMEDY SERIES
Winner: Alec Baldwin ("30 Rock")

JESSICA CHOOSES:
Steve Carell ("The Office") - He manages to show the heart of a character that in anyone else's hands, might just seem like a dolt.

ALISON CHOOSES:
Alec Baldwin ("30 Rock") and co-winners Jermaine Clement and Bret McKenzie ("The Flight of the Conchords") – Alec Baldwin deserves to have Emmys coming out of his ass for what he does on "30 Rock." There's no question about that. But I'd also be super happy if Jermaine and Bret got a little notice for their wonderfully hilarious and original show.

OUTSTANDING LEAD ACTRESS IN A DRAMA SERIES
Winner: Glenn Close ("Damages")

JESSICA CHOOSES:
Connie Britton ("Friday Night Lights") - Again, I know she wasn't nominated and I know the women who were nominated have either won the award before or are big movie actresses, but I feel very comfortable saying Connie Britton is better in FNL than any of them.

ALISON CHOOSES:
Kyra Sedgwick ("The Closer") – I have to admit I haven't watched "Friday Night Lights," so maybe I would agree with Jessica if I knew otherwise. But I'm a fan of "The Closer" and think Kyra deserves recognition for her work.

OUTSTANDING LEAD ACTRESS IN A COMEDY SERIES
Winner: Tina Fey ("30 Rock")

JESSICA CHOOSES:
Tina Fey ("30 Rock") - Did I not make myself clear on this yet? If Tina Fey is eligible for a category, I'm picking her.

ALISON CHOOSES:
Tina Fey ("30 Rock") – Insert constant laughter and joy here.

OUTSTANDING SUPPORTING ACTOR IN A DRAMA SERIES
Winner: Zeljko Ivanek ("Damages")

JESSICA CHOOSES:
Michael Emerson ("Lost") - What I marvel at here is that Michael Emerson is so skillful (with the aid of some pretty amazing writing) that he has not changed the way he plays the character of Ben, yet he has managed to make the audience go from seeing him as a villain to a hero.

ALISON CHOOSES:
Michael Emerson ("Lost") – There has never been a better, more complicated villain than Ben. The writers are due some credit for that, but Michael Emerson always delivers on the material.

OUTSTANDING SUPPORTING ACTOR IN A COMEDY SERIES
Winner: Jeremy Piven ("Entourage")

JESSICA CHOOSES:
Neil Patrick Harris ("How I Met Your Mother") - I would marry him and make lots of adorable, witty babies...if only he weren't gay.

ALISON CHOOSES:
Jack McBrayer ("30 Rock") – If NBC put Kenneth's smiling visage on a pillowcase, I would buy it. There is no other character on TV who gives me the same warm, happy feeling in my tummy as Kenneth does. I feel like he and I would be best friends and warm the world with our positive outlook on life.

OUTSTANDING SUPPORTING ACTRESS IN A DRAMA SERIES
Winner: Dianne Wiest ("In Treatment")

JESSICA CHOOSES:
Evangeline Lilly ("Lost") - Admittedly, I'm not sure if she would really be up for this or the lead actress award, but I didn't want to pit her against Connie Britton in my head.

ALISON CHOOSES:
Evangeline Lilly ("Lost") – I'm gonna agree with Jessica.

OUTSTANDING SUPPORTING ACTRESS IN A COMEDY SERIES

JESSICA CHOOSES:
Jenna Fischer ("The Office")

ALISON CHOOSES:
Kristen Schaal ("The Flight of the Conchords") – She's pure comedy genius in a cute, awkward bottle.

OUTSTANDING REALITY-COMPETITION PROGRAM
Winner: "The Amazing Race"

JESSICA CHOOSES:
"So You Think You Can Dance" - This and "Project Runway" are the only programs in this category where all of the contestants actually have talent and seem to have studied some sort of craft. You can't just walk in off the street, having never done it before, and be a good dancer. "So You Think You Can Dance" is a show tailor-made for me--the dancing, the costumes, my same-sex-non-sexual love for Cat Deely...

ALISON CHOOSES:
"Project Runway" – It's the only reality programming I can stand to watch.

OUTSTANDING VARIETY, MUSIC OR COMEDY SERIES
Winner: "The Daily Show with Jon Stewart"

JESSICA CHOOSES:
"The Daily Show with Jon Stewart" - Come on, like there is any contest here.

ALISON CHOOSES:
"The Daily Show with Jon Stewart” – Agreed.

OUTSTANDING MINISERIES
Winner: "John Adams"

JESSICA CHOOSES:
"Roots" - Um...they still make miniseries? I guess I choose "Roots." That's the last miniseries I saw.

ALISON CHOOSES NOT TO CHOOSE:
They all sounded boring to me.

OUTSTANDING WRITING FOR A DRAMA SERIES:
Winner: "Mad Men"

JESSICA CHOOSES:
"Lost" - I think there is a huge problem with the way this award is set up. Excellent TV writing has to involve both great stand-alone episodes, AND great story arcs that are spread out over a season or more. That fact that they vote on individual episodes only, I feel, can be the only reason that "Lost" hasn't won this award every year since it's been on TV.

ALISON CHOOSES:
"Lost" – Most. Amazing. Show. Ever!

OUTSTANDING WRITING FOR A COMEDY SERIES
Winner: "30 Rock"

JESSICA CHOOSES:
"30 Rock" - You can't be surprised by this at this point.

ALISON CHOOSES:
"30 Rock" - I have six words for you: "Boys becoming men, men becoming wolves."

When did Cloris Leachman become ‘cool’ again?

 I remember watching her during the last few seasons of Facts of Life thinking she was just another actress. Only much later did I learn she had an Oscar and several Emmys. Because of that I now have tremendous amounts of respect for her, but who knew she’d come full circle and turn really ‘cool’ again and end up on Dancing With the Stars at 82 years old.

Good for her!

Tout a commencé avec moi vendredi à mon retour du boulot. Samedi ne me sentant pas mieux j'appelle mon docteur à l'hôpital. L'infirmière prend l'appel et me dit de venir, car je vais me déshydrater et il me mettrait une intraveineuse étant donné que je suis enceinte pour ne pas rien affecter.

Rendu à l'hôpital j'explique à l'urgence le tout. Ils ont été hyper chiant et aucun respect. Après deux heures d'attente, mon père décide de se rendre à l'étage voir en maternité et expliquer ma cause. Et bien tant que je n'ai pas 20 semaines de grossesse ça ne vaut pas la peine. Bref, je suis retournée à la maison avec mon état.

 Hier nous avons reçu l'appel de la fille a Drew et elle a attrapé ma super gastro alors elle n'est pas allé a l'école.

Aujourd'hui maintenant c'est mon cœur Drew qui n'est pas top Shape. Il a surement lui aussi attrapé  mon virus.

J'espère juste que pour bébé O son Rotateq va fonctionner et qu'elle n'aura pas la gastro à son tour.

Sometimes that just how it is....to many thoughts and questions, and no answers. As we begin heading into Fall/ Winter, Im flooded with memories from the past.

October is here, and instead of having some sort of understanding or answer to things, Im overwhelmed with the sense that its been another year and still, I dont have any more answers than last year. Who am I kidding? Whats changed? No me.

I still have questions, doubt and guilt. I still question the decisions and choices that I made years ago. I still lay awake at night, asking myself what happened, what went wrong, and what roads I went down by mistake. I cant help but question.

The choices I made, the decisions I agreed on, the things I screwed up with, things that changed my life...who else do I have to be mad at but myself.

Why did I say yes? What would have happened had I said no? A different outcome? I cant think of all the things I should have done, I cant go back and redo things....but I can question things, even if I get no answers.

I cant still ask how its been so long, how did things come this far, this way? She would have been six this year. Six. It doesnt add up, doesnt make sense...What happens when things dont add up? It just doesnt make sense how things have gone this far, this long, like this.

I sound like a broken record, Im stuck on repeat, cant get it out the way I want....just miss her, just want a re do, things people dont understand, dont care to either. Its been this long, its time to move along and I do, I have....I just have to stop at times, pause, reflect, and remember....and then...carry on again. Even if I dont....understand.

]]> http://itsjustlifehere.wordpress.com/?p=591 Fri, 03 Oct 2008 03:07:27 +0000 Dave http://itsjustlifehere.fr.wordpress.com/2008/10/03/just-for-you-emmy/

Ever since you reached your tiny little hand out and held my finger tight, I was hooked...and yes, you had me wrapped all around your finger since day one, or was it the other way around? I spent the first few hours I met you, just staring. Watching. Amazed, at how you could be so...small...yet so real. Your hands were perfect, all the way down to where the tips of your fingers turned into "Nails" and to be honest, I still couldnt tell you if you really had nails or not...but it sure looked like they were there. It might have been the reason I declined the invitation to hold you....you were so small...I preferred to watch...from a distance. But the day I held you, there was no going back. The sweet, innocence of someone so small and perfect was in my arms, and I wasnt about to let that go.

But you grew....and fast. There was no stopping you, because one day as you pushed your self up off the ground and toddled away before crashing to the ground, I stopped and wondered...where did the small, tiny, little girl go? You grew so fast, and the day you wrapped your arms around my neck and nuzzled your nose in, and whispered "I yuv you" I wondered where you had learned those words, and who had taught you to talk, and walk, and run, and laugh...and love...because it wasnt me.

I watched you learn and think, and smile. I watched you teach yourself something, and I grinned right along with you, proud as ever at your accomplishments. I wondered, if when you learned to walk, and run, if you would run away. Never come back. Sure, you were young, but you were small too....you could run and hide, and what if I couldnt find you? The things I worried about....far from realistic...you ran, sure. You ran ahead, and Id panic because youd go to far, but youd always toss your head back and look...to make sure I was still behind you....I wonder if you did that for me...so I wouldnt get lost.

There was nothing like watching you sleep...and sometimes, I would sit and watch. Just because. Id watch as your chest rose and fell with each breath, I would trace your features on your face, your tiny pug nose, and long lashes, your wispy hair, and little ears....the way your lips would move as if you were talking, in your sleep. It was perfect...just you. Just there. Just. Like. That. No fear, no worries, nothing but you...

Do you remember those days? Those early days in the very beginning when it was just you and me? Do you remember the things that happened? The day that I realized it was up to me to change you, feed you, clean you, AND keep you from crying? Do you remember the days when you would cry and I would have no idea what you wanted? Do you remember your socks not always matching, do you remember wearing the same thing, two days in a row? Do you remember the too cold, or too hot bottles I tried to give you? The time I lost you in the store? The days and nights that seemed they would never end, and the days that followed when you were suddenly...walking and talking, and running?

Then, just like that. You grew up. I would say right before my eyes, but that wouldnt be true...because it seems like I missed something...

You could charm anyone, out of anything. If you wanted two stickers, you got two stickers. Everywhere we went, people seemed to bend backwards to give you what you requested...and even what you didnt. People were always thrusting something at you...and most times youd take it, and smile, but sometimes, it got to be to much...or you just werent in the mood...and youd cross your arms and firmly shake your head...making people laugh...thinking you were still "So cute"

I dont know what happened, Emmy. I dont know what went wrong...because one day, you were a perfectly healthy, normal little girl, and the next...you had that dreaded word, right inside your body. Your perfect, tiny, little body....and I still dont understand why. Why it attacked you...

But I miss you, baby girl. I miss your sweet smiles, and wrinkled nose. I miss everything about you...and sometimes, I just have to tell you, whisper your name to remember what it sounds like...and listen for your reply...sometimes I just have to...just have to look at your pictures and stare in your eyes and wonder...sometimes...I just have to.

I cant believe, though, that you would be six this year....and as hard as I try...I just cant imagine you being six. I cant see my baby Emmy, turning six. It doesnt seem right...because there wont be a birthday this year...there wont be any party, there wont be any celebrating....there wont be you.....You will always, always, be my little girl. No matter what, I love you...forever and ever.