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Pick one, two or whatever.
We will find a place for your 'sick (or funny) as shit' imagination here on the pages of Mantown.
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Scour the net and find us some sick and funny shit (linx to post).
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Maybe.

Born in a cabbage patch.

Smells of leaves boiled,

or a struck match.

A dietary need of hummus, sour milk and beans.

Before you know it,

a humid atmosphere in his jeans.

"Bring on the fun of musical buns!" is his infamous cry.

A powerful force indeed.

Take cover, wave good-bye.

When eyes become heavy, he rests on his bed.

A king-sized whoopie cushion,

so soft for his head.

Economist Kevin Nguyen explains the country’s economic woes to his younger sister, using Pokémon as an analogy. Seriously.

Kevin: Have you been following the news?

Olivia: Yeah, I don’t really get it.

Kevin: Imagine that I let you borrow $50, but in exchange for my generosity, you promise to pay me back the $50 with an extra $10 in interest. To make sure you pay me back, I take your Charizard Pokémon card as collateral.

Olivia: Kevin, I don’t play Pokémon anymore.

Kevin: I’m getting to that. Let’s say that the Charizard is worth $50, so in case you decide to not return my money, at least I’ll have something that’s worth what I loaned out.

Olivia: Okay.

Kevin: But one day, people realize that Pokémon is stupid and everyone decides that the cards are overvalued. That’s right—everybody turned twelve on the same day! Now your Charizard is only worth, say, $25.

Olivia: Uh-huh.

Kevin: At the same time, you’re having trouble paying back the $60 you owe me. So what would you rather do: try and pay me back the $60 or just default and give me your $25 Charizard?

Olivia: I’d give you the Charizard.

Kevin: Exactly. Who wouldn’t? Now, the bank—I mean me—has lost $25 when I expected to make $10. What’s the lesson here?

Olivia: Pokémon is dumb.

Kevin: True, but keep going.

Olivia: That Pokémon cards might be worth less later than they are now?

Kevin: Close. You just can’t rely on them appreciating in value forever. There’s one other good lesson in this analogy.

Olivia: That you shouldn’t lend me money?

Kevin: A-ha, exactly right! You’re fourteen and have no source of income. What would convince me to lend you money if I’m not sure you can pay it back?

Olivia: Because you could’ve taken my $50 Charizard. So you could have either made $10 or gotten something worth what you gave me. If people didn’t realize Pokémon was dumb, then there was no way for you to lose anything.

Kevin: Now, instead of a loan of $50, imagine that it’s hundreds of thousands of dollars; then instead of a Pokémon card, it’s your house. The U.S.’s prosperity was built on the idea that real estate/Pokémon would never go down. Multiply this wishful thinking by thousands of people in America and you can see the scale of our problem.

Since you couldn’t pay me back, I can’t pay my bills and I can’t loan out any more money. Our country is dependent on the ability to borrow money.

Olivia: That doesn’t make any sense. If I borrow money from you, I’m going to spend it.

Kevin: Well, the idea is that you’ll spend it in a way that will make you more money in the future—like college or starting a business.

Olivia: Oh, okay. I have a question for you: did you use the Pokémon example because you think I’m a nerd?

Kevin: I just wanted to make it easy for you to understand.

Olivia: Fine. But stop telling people I play World of Warcraft. I’m totally over that.

Kevin: Don’t worry, Olivia. I used to be into way nerdier things. Have you heard of Magic: The Gathering?

Olivia: What the hell is that?

I thought this was actually pretty helpful. Also, I once made Drew explain what his job is like by replacing all technical computery terms with words like 'farts' and 'butts' to keep me interested. Farts make everything more fun. The end!

That brings me to the subject I'll be talking about today; fat people on buses.

There's a boy that gets on my bus, quite a big fellow - a nice guy and everything - just really big. He isn't the sort of person you can just have ago at without good enough reason to. And however much I try and bring myself to tell him where to go, telling him that 'no you can't sit there, there's no room - you are too big!', I can never do it; I can never build up the words to say to him - he's just that nice.

Today I was thinking to my self 'oh for fuck sake, does he have to sit there? He gets on 2 stops before school, surely he can stand like everyone else?'. It's not like he has to sit down or anything - that would require energy - something that this boy just doesn't have. He sits down on the seat in front of me and when he does  - my god - I fucking know it. Even when I've fell asleep on the bus, I can still feel his presence. No, don't get your hopes up, I'm not 'one with the force', I can just smell the greasy cheese burger fat that clings to his unwashed school clothes like a bad fart in an elevator, resulting in the attempt to blame your unwanted bottom-burp on small vulnerable child next to you going to pot.

I have a theory on fat people and global warming which I'd like to share: if there were no fat people, and everyone was at an acceptable weight, there would be less strain on the environment; people would eat less and the food that had previously been eaten by these selfish people could be given to people whom need it - Skinny people like myself, and Africa.

The word would be a much more better place if parents would just wake up and not allow their children to get to that weight, it's horrible and actually makes me feel physically sick. They are a danger to the environment and a 'eye saw' to you and I.

If there's one thing you do today, make sure it involes belittling a fat person to the extent that they just either kill themselves or lose weight. It's that simple. The goverment doesn't need education for healthly lifestyles, the gornvernment doesn't need people like Jamie Oliver making money off fat people; hell, the overweight bastards don't even need to spend money on a personal trainer to motivate them; the good hearted people like you and I need to do our bit for our community, and help save the life of a fatty. Do something meaningful today: Bully a fat kid.

Watch the reaction of 2 policemen, they don't like the farts, but they don't bust the farter dude either!

DON'T LET THE FEAR OF GOVERNMENT INTRUSION STOP YOU FROM PRACTICING THE AMAZING ART OF PUBLIC FARTING!!!!

Statutory Warning: Cigarette Smoking is injurious to health and will cause smokers to think, look and act like me.

The story so far: Hairy Potter realizes he has been blessed with amazing bladder control! He has an Over-Ambitious Gall Stone in his kidney, that wants to break free! It finally manages to escape! Angry at the surgeon for losing his precious Gall Stone, Hairy Potter goes to the police and asks them to arrest the surgeon. The inspector is secretly working for someone named Lord Wall De Fart, and they both realize that they've been searching for the Gall Stone Who Lived, and now they are nearing their quest.

Will Hairy find justice?

Will the Gall Stone see the world?

Who is Wall De Fart and why does he want a Gall Stone?

Read on to find out...

Hairy was dejected. He was extremely depressed because of the way the inspector had treated him. He was sitting at the bar, drowning his sorrows in alcohol, oblivious to the strange stares he got from the other drunkards. Three cases of beer later, he realized that he had to relieve himself. He was startled because it was the first time in almost two weeks that he had had to pee. It was a momentous occasion.

He stumbled his way to the restrooms and in his drunken stupor, entered the ladies' restroom. He entered a cubicle and parted his hair and started pee'ing. "Oh wow! That feels so good!" he screamed.

*

Meanwhile, in the nearby town of Dips-Hit, a cloud of fart mysteriously floated in the corridors of an ancient house and made it's way to a well-lit room. A strange thing was sitting on the only chair in the room - it was a creature with no body and yet, it had dark brown evil eyes. A bigger cloud of fart was enveloping the creature, and the cloud that had just entered, stood in front of it's master and said, "I have come, master."

"What newsssssss?" hissed the fart-cloud-covered creature.

"The Gall Stone is in Sydney..." said the smaller fart cloud.

"Sssssydney?? How did it get there??" screamed the creature.

"I.. I don't know. I just saw the airline manifests this morning," said the small fart cloud, covering in fear.

"Hmmm..." said the creature thoughtfully. "Under what name is it traveling?"

"O.A. Gall, your fartness," said the smaller fart, now a little relaxed as its master's anger seemed to have ebbed.

"I ssseee. And what about Hairy Potter?" the creature hissed.

"My sources tell me that Hairy Potter is dangerously close to discovering the Chamber of Cigarettes," said the smaller fart cloud slowly, fearing it's life now. Its master's anger was very dangerous.

"Whaaaat!?" screamed the creature as it sprang up the chair. "What nonsense is this?" it said, as a thin, white hand emerged from the cloud, holding a gun. "I'll shoot you right here if you don't tell me how this happened. How did Hairy Potter manage to get so close?"

The smaller fart cloud was shivering and crying by now, and in between sniffs, it said, "Please. please don't kill me, master. One of my sources told me, I swear. It's true. I don't know how this happened. Please don't kill me."

"Get out," said the creature quietly. "I have to think."

*

Half an hour had passed and Hairy was still going strong. He was creating patterns on the wall with his never-ending stream of urine, when finally, the flow reduced intensity and trickled down to a stop.

"Oh wow! Wow! Oh yeah!" he cried in satisfaction. As he reached for the flush handle, his feet hit something strange on the ground. Bending down, he saw a small metal ring with something carved on it. Curious, he picked it up and turned it around. It was a cheap metal ring, which anyone could pick up off the flea markets, but the inscription on the ring was quite stunning - it showed a toilet cubicle much like the one in which he was standing, and the flush handle in the carving had been pushed up, instead of down.

Hairy looked at the ring and then at the flush handle in his own cubicle. "Why not?" he said and pushed the flush handle up, instead of down. He could hear a strange rumbling noise somewhere beneath him and in a few seconds, something strange rose up from inside the commode, from the depths of the ground.

It was a small iron box, about two feet wide and two feet high, standing on a metal pole, with the words, "The Chamber of Cigarettes," written on them in a nice flowing font. On the side facing Hairy, there was a hole in the center, and by instinct, he put the ring in the hole. It clicked and the box swung open. He looked in and his eyes widened in surprise by what he saw inside.

There were two cigarettes, identical to each other, guarded by a small lizard-like creature. It was a common house lizard and Hairy picked it up by the tail and threw it down the drain. He then picked up the two cigarettes and pocketed one of them and lit the other. It was the best cigarette ever.

*

At this precise moment, the fart-cloud-covered creature let out a horrible scream - a scream of agony, pain and defeat.

"Hairy Potter! I will get you for this! Do not cross Lord Wall De Fart! Hisss!"

*

Totally oblivious to all these happenings, the Over-Ambitious Gall Stone was sitting in a bar in Sydney, munching on peanuts, totally enjoying it's vacation. Two tables away, watching O.A Gall, sat a small cloud of fart...

[to be continued...]
[Rambodoc and Shefaly win the Secret Hell Smell Award for being the only ones to point out that Gall Stones are not present in kidneys. There is a specific reason why this particular Gall Stone was in the kidney and that will be revealed in later chapters. The Secret Hell Smell Award comprises of a free lunch/dinner in a restaurant of your choice. Congrats!]

Why is it OK to laugh at fart jokes when I say them? Well, the best I can figure is it's because I write them down. People read this one at a time. I'm not standing in a room full of co-workers opening with the story about when I was 8 years old and farted at the dinner table. But, I can do that here. I don't really understand that, but that's the way it is.

I remembered that fart from 1966 because it was the first time that I learned that farts could be controlled. I knew you could try to hold on to them, and Lord knows, I tried to hold on to that dinner table fart. But I was only 8. A baby. What could a little ass like me do? Even though eating stimulates peristalsis and you eat at the dinner table, you can't fart at one. I knew then that I should probably keep that little gem to myself. There was just one problem...if I moved in any way shape or form, that fart was coming out. So, there I was, laid down on my chair and the empty chair next to mine in a contorted position, doing everything in my power to keep that stupid fart in.

Well, I must have twisted too hard or something because all of a sudden, in front of my family (who was already staring at me as I writhed and twisted like Linda Blair), not a sound could be heard...and all of a sudden....poof! Only they never really "poof", do they? I just can't even begin to spell a fart sound. You know what they sound like, especially when you're trying so hard to hold it in...it's like when you pull the ends of the balloon and deflate it to make that high pitched sound. You just get a really high pitched sounding fart. And, if memory serves, it lasted for a while. Of course, all of our traumatic childhood memories happen in slow motion so who knows. I don't know what I got for Christmas in '66, but I know that I farted at the dinner table on a Sunday afternoon. And I can tell you exactly what happened next.

Brothers did the "EEEEWWWWWWWWE....YOU CUT THE CHEESE!!!!!!!" and sisters gave a quick and terse "TSK!, you are so gross." My mother ignored it totally, she farted all the time. But, my father, whom, I might add, I have never heard fart, said to me, "There are ways to do that so it doesn't make any noise." Then he picked up his fork and ate a bite of pot roast.

I doubt that he would remember this story, he's 74 and doesn't remember breakfast. But I do. That's because I was rather intrigued by the notion that a fart sound could be controlled.

That was the day that I, a little 8 year old girl from the Chicago suburbs, began a lifelong quest....to never be heard farting again!!!!! The Dinner Table Experience was seared into my psyche. It cut me to the quick. I would never again lay on 2 chairs, twisting and squeezing together muscles that don't want to stay squeezed together.

Oh, it took practice. It took years and years of arduous practice. And sometimes, even today I can fail at my quest. Oddly enough, the only time I fart out loud is in front of my father. But it's not as though I WANT to. I just do. I wonder if my subconscious wants to fart at him? I don't know why else it would happen so often in front of one person. I can imagine what he must think of me...I wouldn't blame him if he thought that I walked around farting all the time. (I just cracked me up.)

But, I have to say, I am pretty good at releasing silent gas. I don't have to do as many special exercises as I once did, but as I've gotten older, it's occurred to me that I might want to start working out again because old people do seem to fart a lot. And they always act like nothing happened. Little old ladies might say, "Oh my, excuse me!" but then they just do it again. So, I should probably strengthen my fart muscles.

Of course, there is one time when I don't want to silence my farts. My favorite fart is one that happens quite rarely. And then, even if it does happen, you have to be alone or in front of the person you're sleeping with...or with my brother Wayne. My favorite fart is one that we all enjoy and I wouldn't believe anyone who wasn't impressed with the "Walking fart".

You know, that fart that comes out every time you take a step? I love to see how far I can fart walk. I rarely make it past 5 steps but every so often, I hit 8. My goal is to control one fart well enough to fart walk for 10 steps. After that, I'll set my goal higher and before you know it, I'll be fart walking down an entire aisle of the grocery store!

And, by the time I get THAT good at fart walking, I'll be so old that no one would say a word.

:):):)

Today we went shopping in the Avenues to spend my birthday gift cards. We hadn't really done anything as a "family" in a while so we ventured out this afternoon. I was pushing Aubrey in the stroller, Emma was walking and wandering around with Jon. We were in Charlotte Russe when Emma announced to the store she "had to PEE!" so Jon ran her over to Books-a-Million to go.

Upon her arrival back, she announced again that "she was back from the potty." I was still in the same store. Jon walks up to the stroller and quickly walks away...

Emma blurts out, "Mom, ewwwww! Aubrey pooped!" So I bend down to the god-awful smell and immediately look for Jon to go tell him I need to change Aubrey's diaper. I look over and see him smirking. I realized it was not Aubrey that I smelled. Relentlessly, Emma continued to follow me around saying, "Mom, Aubrey pooped. She smells." Jon is telling me to "be an adult and stop laughing" and telling Emma to "hush" so the attention would die down but my laughter was so loud and uncontrollable that we had to leave the store.

...reasons why I absolutely LOVE my kids! lol In Emma's words - "What's that freakin smell?!"

Tofu Scramble
1 onion
2 cloves garlic
320g tofu, crumbled
1 tbsp sweet chilli sauce
1 tbsp mixed herbs
2 tsp tumeric
1/4 cup nutritional yeast
1/3 cup low fat soy milk
salt
pepper
olive oil
3 tofutti cheese slices

Dice the onion and chop the garlic.
Slice the Tofutti into little strips (ie, try to make it as much like grated cheese as you can.)
Add a big splash of olive oil to a frypan and saute the onion and garlic with loads of salt and pepper until the onion is cooked as much as you like.
Add in the crumbled tofu and fry for a few minutes, until it is very well broken up and some bits are starting to brown.
Add everything else except the Tofutti slices and cook for about 5 minutes until it has reduced and looks like a consistency you'd like to eat.
Sprinkle the Tofutti cheese over the "eggs" and stir through until melted.

Later on in the day I made a sandwich out of the cold leftovers.
I mixed a bit of curry powder through the scramble to make a curried egg sandwich with avocado, halved cherry tomatoes and yet another slice of Tofutti. I thought it was even better this way, and reminded me of a much more sophisticated and ethical version of the curried egg sandwiches I always used to make for afternoon tea. SO GOOD, even with the shithouse, thin as fuck "I'm-feeling-a-little-bit-too-delicate-to-go-further-than-the-corner-store-to-get-bread" bread.

I started using the phrase "keep your jockeys dry" yesterday. It simply means this "don't be so fucking horny all the time." You ever realize that you can enjoy someone without sticking your dick in them? You don't fuck your friends (maybe you do...I don't know) that you hang out with/drink beer with/play music with...so why do you gotta fuck a girl to show her "whats up I like you"...try doing something nice. The trouble is...finding a girl who doesn't have what they call "a healthy appetite for sex."

Here is a list of things you can do to Keep Your Jockeys Dry:

1.) Get a hobby: Try playing a musical instrument instead of playing yours or others sexual instruments. I for example I play bass, guitar, and mandolin. Getting a hobby is a great way to bypass sex. The downside to some hobbies like playing instruments is that it can sometimes attract girls that want to bone an awesome musician...which may seem nice, but from my experience this never happens. Girls usually like the musicians that look like prissy bitches anyway...so be hardcore in your hobby and the wrong kind of girls will stay away. Playing non-mainstream instruments like the mandolin is sure to keep the shitty girls away! Works for me!

2.) Tell the girl that you have the runs: Now, I like this one...I have used this to get out of unwanted sex before. Nobody wants to fuck you if you tell them you had too much chili and might shit on their sheets. The downside of this tactic is that you will leave them wanting you...but if the person happens to not be your girlfriend then they will simply find someone else! BTW...one night stands are for chodes. This tactic, for guys, is like the girls tactic of saying "I'm on my period." Now you too guys can have an excuse to not frolic in the garden!

3.) Find any reason to hit the old dusty trail: This one works pretty well...say you are at a party but you don't feel much like drinking. A girl keeps flirting and hitting on you and you are like "She is drunk, she is not thinking straight, what the hell is wrong with this girl." She then says something along the lines of "Lets go back to my room." What do you do!? Take a quick glance around the room...find the nearest person to blacking out on the floor and go "Oh no! I gotta help my friend back home, I'm the DD tonight." You don't even have to know this person...just grab the dude about to pass out and walk out the door before someone gets engaged in a conversation with you. Perhaps drive the person to wherever they live and tell their friends to watch out for their fucked up friend, or just put them in another room to sleep it off. Thats when you hit the old dusty trail. Also you could just come up with excuses like you have a lot to do at work tomorrow...less elaborate and not as legendary. This usually is the tactic used at parties...and usually to keep ugly girls away from you...but I just use it to avoid getting my jockeys wet.

4.) Simply explain to the girl that you aren't interested in sex: If you are dating someone and use this tactic...you will probably be dumped in the next few weeks maybe a month. I have used this many times and ended up being single again! I recommend this if you like to be honest, like I try to do. Maybe, just maybe you will be dating a girl thats perfectly alright with this...and thats the girl you keep. Don't fuck that relationship up...such a situation has yet to arise in my experience...but its plausible.

So remember ladies and gents...you don't need to be fucking all the time. In case you are able to break your animal aggressive instincts to bone...I provided you with several scenarios that can play out in order to avoid having unwanted/unneccesary sex. You may have noticed that I didn't mention using religion as a tactic...thats just shallow...don't do that. If you do have sex...make sure it means something both for YOU and the OTHER INVOLVED. Sex should be something you do to please someone you have deep feelings for, and never for your own personal ambitions and urges. Don't EVER pressure people into it and never belittle anyone for anything related to it. Don't do that shit. SHIT!

Ok...I lied...I will put in one more topic...Things that I hate at this moment in time:

Sarah Palin, flakey people, christian fundamentalists, whiney music, Toby Keith, naive people, politics, high blood pressure, my health, lack of anything to do, and my inability to keep from paranoia leading to insomnia.

This past week Jose Cruz, a 34-year-old West Virginia man was charged with battery against a Charleston Police officer for allegedly farting and fanning it towards the officer.

Although the battery charges against Cruz were dropped, the notion that flatulence is assault was an eye opener. Apparently I've been abusing my wife, kids, family and friends for years. I'm sorry. I will seek help. Or at least Beano.

In light of my newfound resolve to not hurt my fellow man by cutting cheese, I've decided to not only educate myself, but also provide a resource for my fellow farters. It is your duty as a flatulent person to know your fart laws.

Missouri's public statutes consider the passing of gas a peace distrubance, prosecutible as a class B misdeameanor.

574.010. 1. A person commits the crime of peace disturbance if:
(1) He unreasonably and knowingly disturbs or alarms another person or persons by:
(a) Loud noise; or
(e) Creating a noxious and offensive odor;

But that's Missouri and as Scut Farkus always says, "Who the fuck cares about Missouri?"

In the Revised Code of Washington I could find no laws that specifically forbid farting in public, but RCW 9.66.050 does declare it a public nuisance to "deposit, leave or keep, on or near a highway or route of public travel, on land or water, any unwholesome substance." Not sure if that counts, but I suppose it could be argued that flatulence is a unwholesome substance. So don't fart on I-5.

Other than that I couldn't really find too many statutes firmly establishing guidelines for the legality of farting in public. I think it would be best to just follow the guidelines of Saint Carlin and use a little common sense. And for god sakes, don't use your farts as weapons.

Man charged with battery for farting near cop

I cannot make this up. I wish I could, but I’m simply not that creative.

The story goes like this: Somewhere in West Virginia, Jose A. Cruz, who is 34 years old, was pulled over for driving without headlights because he was rather, uh, toasted. He failed no fewer than three field sobriety tests and was eventually taken to the police station. And then this happened:

“As Patrolman T.E. Parsons prepared the machine, Cruz scooted his chair toward Parsons, lifted his leg and 'passed gas loudly,' the complaint said.

Cruz, according to complaint, then fanned the gas toward the officer.

'The gas was very odorous and created contact of an insulting or provoking nature with Patrolman Parsons,' the complaint alleged.
…
"I couldn't hold it no more," [Cruz] said"

My only response is maniacal laughter – what about you?

To celebrate Spring I made a salad for dinner, something I rarely do because I am a ravenous, ravenous beast, and the only way a leafy salad can satisfy me is if it comes with a boulder sized chunk of bread.
Which is why I thought perhaps I'd concoct a salad that would somehow fill me up, yet have a that fresh, healthy crunch that makes me feel like I am doing something right with my life.

Vaguely remembering this recipe, but of course not thinking to look it up and actually follow a recipe, I threw this together on the whim of a vibe I kind of remembered feeling when I saw it ages ago.
So cheers to LindyLoo's Mum for inspiring a great meal!
It is creamy and rich without being too fatty or overwhelming.
It is salty, crunchy and filled with motherfucking Spring goodness!
And above all, it is filling as...I'm failing for an analogy here...it is as filling as...something really, REALLY filling.
We ate this with some chopped up cucumber and cherry tomatoes on the side, with some fresh lemon wedges to squeeze.

Rice Salad with Spicy Tahini Dressing
1 1/2 cups brown rice
1 green capsicum
1/4 red onion
1 carrot
1 stick celery
1 tin chickpeas, drained and rinsed
200g firm tofu
2 tbsp soy sauce
Put the rice on to cook.
Slice the tofu into bite sized pieces. Place on an oven tray lined with baking paper, sprinkle with the soy sauce and cook in a very hot oven til it's got nice crunchy bits, about 20 mins for me.
Chop all the vegies.
Mix everything in a bowl with the dressing and refrigerate for at least 45 minutes.
For the dressing
Mix together in a small bowl the following:
1 tbsp tahini
2 tbsp soy sauce
1 tbsp kecap manis
2 tsp rice vinegar
1 tsp curry pwder
2 cloves garlic, chopped
1/2 tsp ground ginger
1/2 tsp ground cinnamon

I wish I had some whole almonds to add to this, and some spring onion- so if you happen to have either of these on hand, chuck some in!

Apparently, the permafrost which has held this methane in for centuries is melting, so Mother Earth is about to let rip with a huge burst of gas.

And girls try to tell us they don't fart.

This site offers an interactive community that will allow every farter from every corner of the globe to create their own profile and share to each other their personal opinions and ideas, and embed into their own page unique fart sounds that they want to share to the world. This site even allows you to post your fart videos online without even being ashamed of it. Farthub.com even has a contest for one.

The main purpose of this site is to let farters from all walks of life to interact with each other to enrich each individual's life to live in total harmony with himself and with everyone. By introducing inner peace, they aim to share this to the rest of the world. This enlightened view also aims to promote a freedom to reduce the stresses of today's society, increases one's self-esteem and worth; positive emotions, and an improved sense of humor to help people laugh out their problems rather than seeking negative solutions.

Farthub.com also accepts sponsors and advertisers to further improve their cause. For their contests, they accept sponsors to promote chili, any types of beans, Brussels sprouts, cauliflower, or any food that improves the way they fart. They also accept sponsorship from companies with product lines, like digital camcorders, Internet service providers, and home air fresheners.

The site also sports public service ads for the betterment of world peace from assorted organizations and individuals around the world. They aim to end hunger in Africa and increase their drive to end poverty. They also promote proper justice to reduce violence for a more peaceful society in any walks of life. Worldwide non-profit organizations can also conduct fundraising through celebrity fart auctions. The winning bidder will be featured on FartHub as the sole sponsor of the celebrity fart video.

By promoting human co-existence through the use of fart, farthub.com aims to promote a better living for any individuals who wish to take part of their drive and join their online community. For those who wish to learn more about their campaign, you can visit their online page at http://www.farthub.com/, with email address at help@farthub.com, or you can directly contact them through their address at:

FartHub.com
Benefito Inc.
P.O. Box 74
Schwenksville, PA 19473-1077 US

Funny Thing 1: Farts
Farts can be funny...until you smell it...then its not so funny. To turn the tide of the smell and to bring the comedy back...you rip on whoever dealt the fart...that can be funny. Its all in good humor. If it is you that farts...say something very proud like "damn! that was great! I let out pandoras box with that one!" That can easily break tension that may arise, and you are likely to get laughs.

Funny Thing 2: Break-ups
This one is going to be long because it will be like a tutorial on how to make something bad something good. Break ups can be funny...I'm sorry, but they can. There is the obvious problem that break ups can leave one feeling depressed...but in order to overcome such problems, you can turn it into something funny. I will use several examples from previous break ups of mine that turned the tide from depressing to amusing.
Strategy 1: Come up with a nickname for your ex
This one I use the most often. Generally you find something physical attribute about your ex that bothered you slightly (it does not have to be a physical attribute however, be creative!) and turn it into a name. The most successful nickname in my history of break-ups was the nickname "Snagglefuck." This one was so successful that other people adapted it. This one was derived from this look one of my exes gave when she was displeased...best described as a snaggly look, lifting the upper left lip showing off approximately 1 incisor, 1 canine, and 1 premolar. It made talking about the breakup humorous to myself and others. It is not good, however, to have said person learn of their nickname...this one is risky for those who participate in the "lets still be friends" style of break up.
Strategy 2: Tell your friends a humorous reason as to why you broke up
This one is also great and doesn't offend anyone. Someone once asked me "Scott, why did you break up with *blank*?" In order to avoid a conversation I didn't feel like getting into (potentially upsetting me) I replied "Because she smelled like coconuts and I HATE coconuts." This brought laughs all around. Not really offensive because some people like the gentle aroma of coconut and it is not considered a bad smell by most standards. Also try making something humorous about yourself as to why you broke up. I have used this technique before with great effect. For example someone said to me "I'm so sorry to hear about you and *blank*, what happened?" where I immediately replied "Because I watch Star Wars way too much." This one pokes fun at my nerd tendencies and exaggerates them in a manner in which it is outright absurd as to why you have a breakup. This one, however, also happened to be partly true...which is hilarious in its own right.
Strategy 3: Ignore the depressing situation and do/say outrageous things
This one can be used in conjunction with the other 2 or by itself. The obvious benefit from such a strategy is that it takes your mind off the breakup and focuses your attention elsewhere. This one has been used with great success. This can be a way to explore your inner talents. One such example I have is when I decided to go to the flea market and buy a sword. Upon buying said sword, I then purchased several produce items including different varieties of melons. The next step was to get a friend in on the fun...because you need witnesses for humorous things. Dan and I went to Andie's parents house and knocked on his window...luring him outside saying "check this out Andie, we got a sword and some melons and now we're going to slice the shit out of them." We then proceeded in throwing melons in the air and striking them with the sword in the middle of a neighborhood to much enjoyment to us and bystanders. People laughed at how absurd it was to by slicing fruit with a sword in a suburban like setting. Off the wall crazy that it was just plain funny. I recommend this form of the strategy to young adults only, as it may cause you foul repercussions if you are an adult.

Funny Thing 3: South Park
South Park gets its own category because it combines several funny things into one incredibly funny thing. South Park offends in a blatant manner...which as stated several times, is very funny. South Park adds randomness to the equation, acting as a sort of punchline in its own right. South Park also adds profanity, sex, politics, and children into the same mix. Only South Park can make certain things funny...and with sharp social/political commentary at the same time. South Park can be enjoyed by your average Joe and the more intellectual crowd...which is likely why it has lasted so long. The Simpsons USED to follow this sort of satire but has slowly regressed into the MadTV of cartoon satire.

The saag tasted rich and creamy, but was actually pretty healthy, especially packed with all that spinach. It had some heat to it, which I thought was just enough to feel like real Indian, but not so much that you couldn't taste the spices.
The dhal was spicy and thick, coloured deep brown with swiss brown mushrooms.
The potato salad was the perfect accompaniment to the heat of the Saag. The mint and lemon juice were refreshing and complimented the heavier tastes of the rest of the meal. It also made for a great "filler" dish, to make sure everyone would be busting full of food.
(I get scared when people come around for dinner that there won't be enough to eat, so I always end up serving lots of carby foods to make sure the more expensive food will stretch far enough.)

Anyhow, I didn't manage to get any photos of the food last night because I was too busy having a fun, drunk old time.
I did, however, get to take a very nice lunchbox to Uni today, full of all of last nights curried treats.

From top to bottom is the daal, saag and potato salad.
I'll share a very general gist of the saag and the potatoes, because I wasn't really measuring. I think you'd be able to find the daal recipe somewhere on the interwebz- I'm not just being lazy- it's from a book so I feel a bit weird about reproducing it.

Saag Gobi
1 onion, diced
5 cloves garlic, chopped
about 1 tbsp grated ginger
1 tbsp panch phoran
1 tsp each fennel powder, asafoteda, tumeric, salt
2 birds eye chillis, chopped (seeds removed if you're a wuss)

Fry all of the above in a little bit of oil in a big pot.
Add the following ingredients, and cook for about 30 minutes, until the sauce is reduced and the cauliflower is well cooked.

1 head cauliflower, cut into large florets
500g finely chopped frozen spinach
1 400 mL tin coconut milk
about 1 cup vege stock

Indian Potato Salad
Scrub and boil whole 10 medium sized kipfler potatoes. Drain and cool.
In a large frypan add:
1 tbsp olive oil
2 chopped cloves garlic
1 heaped tsp grated ginger
1 diced onion
1 tsp tumeric
1 tbsp mustard seeds
1 tsp salt
Fry until the onion is nicely cooked.
Add the sliced up kipflers and the juice of one lemon.
Cook, covered for about 5 minutes, or until potatoes are warm.
Toss through about 1 tbsp chopped fresh mint.