Take the S out of sub and the F out of way.

There's no F in way!

That joke made my day.

“1454 AD was a year of great horror. What happened at that time had been foretold by the prophets for many centuries. The last of the ancient empires on Earth was facing destruction from the Ottoman Turks. The humans in outer space rejected the final call of the Byzantine emperor for aid. The fate of the other planets was sealed when Constantinople fell in 1453 AD. According to the prophecy, the end would come in about twelve months because they had failed to help their brethren on Earth who had assisted them against the Klaron invasion.”

            “The disaster that followed was horrible. The slipstreams began to melt apart, making interplanetary travel on wooden space ships impossible. Then the planets themselves began to revert back to their natural state. The inhabitants on Mercury and Venus burned alive: those on the other planets and moons froze to death or died of suffocation. This all happened slowly, over the course of decades. By 1500 AD hardly anyone was left alive.”

            “But the Romans survived longer than most. Mars remained habitable for quite some time as the other worlds perished. Occasionally, the Roman fleet was able to once again travel though the skies because the ether streams, although in their death throes, would sometimes come back on-line for months at a time. This enabled them to explore the solar system looking for somewhere to escape to. At first they hoped to return to Earth, but that path was no longer open. It had been the first ether stream to be completely destroyed.”

Just think about it, this is how my generation learned about drugs! You gotta love The Facts Of Life! :)

This coke and a smile “JACK!” This coke and a smile “right,” This coke and a smile “matha f*cka” needs little to no intro…“nope naw not the kid,” it’s the king of comedy Richard Pryor.

Boo-ya!

Make your own at Toonlet.

~Kryptikos

Pslam 35:27 "May those who delight in my vindication shout for joy and gladness; may they always say, "The LORD be exalted, who delights in the well-being of his servant."

On the second day, she had the movers come and collect her things.

On the third day, she sat down for the last time at their beautiful dining room table by candle-light, put on some soft background music, and feasted on a pound of shrimp, a jar of caviar, and a bottle of spring water.

When she had finished, she went into each and every room and deposited a few half-eaten shrimp shells dipped in caviar into the hollow of the curtain rods.

She then cleaned up the kitchen and left. When the husband returned with his new girlfriend, all was bliss for the first few days.

Then slowly, the house began to smell.

They tried everything cleaning, mopping and airing the place out.

Vents were checked for dead rodents and carpets were steam cleaned.

Air fresheners were hung everywhere. Exterminators were brought in to set off gas canisters, during which they had to move out for a few days and in the end they even paid to replace the expensive wool carpeting.

Nothing worked!!! 

People stopped coming over to visit. Repairmen refused to work in the house. The maid quit.

Finally, they could not take the stench any longer and decided to move.

A month later, even though they had cut their price in half, they could not find a buyer for their stinky house.

Word got out and eventually even the local realtors refused to return their calls.

Finally, they had to borrow a huge sum of money from the bank to purchase a new place.

The ex-wife called the man and asked how things were going.

He told her the saga of the rotting house. She listened politely and said that she missed her old home terribly and would be willing to reduce her divorce settlement in exchange for getting the house back .

Knowing his ex-wife had no idea how bad the smell was, he agreed on a price that was about 1/10th of what the house had been worth, but only if she were to sign the papers that very day.

She agreed and within the hour his lawyers delivered the paperwork.

A week later the man and his girlfriend stood smiling as they watched the moving company pack everything to take to their new home………

And to spite the ex-wife, they even took the curtain rods!!!!!!

I LOVE A HAPPY ENDING, DON’T YOU?

Do his arms not bend at the elbows?

I think we can forget about getting past 'the race issue' or 'the gender issue' or 'the age issue' this never-ending primary season.

::: Sigh :::

I've been waiting for at least ONE issue to take root and flower into a real point of discussion but Primary-palooza 2008 hasn’t seen any deep, meaningful discussion on a national level about important things like Hillary's health care plan or Barry's foreign policy views or Johnny's back-and-forth on immigration reform ... no, no.
We don't care about that junk. The issues we care about are race, gender and age.

Is he black enough? Excuse me?
Can a woman really lead a nation? Are you kidding?
How old it ‘too old’ when it comes to being president? Is this in dog years?

Iraq, Iran, North Korea, the European Union, mortgage meltdowns, credit crises, natural disasters, economic collapse … Hillary drank a shot, Barack shot a game of pool, what did Chelsea say about Monica, McCain called his wife the C-word, Rev. Jeremiah Wright said something bad, Hillary said 'white' …

Ya ...
It’s ok – I already know which ones got your attention. Everyone knows. That’s why THOSE are the ‘campaign issues’ getting teevee airtime.

::: double sigh :::

Is our national identity really so inextricably bound to its white, male dominated foundation that we can't seem to collectively get past the fact that only one of three candidates left in the running for our country's highest office is one – and an old one at that?!?

Seems so.

So Barry's half black – yay!
So Hills has a vadge and tatas -- woo hoo!
And Big Mac is, like, a thousand years old – awesome!

To my mind, these characteristics neither qualify nor disqualify any candidate from running, yet they seem pivotal to electability this season. People are voting based on nothing more than this one piece of info ...

They are. They have. They will again in November.

It's a crying shame because if the past eight years taught us nothing it should have proven beyond all doubt that the old saying is true:
The most dangerous weapon known to man is an ill-informed voter.

What kind of president do you want? One who looks like you or one who cares about you (the two are not necessarily mutually exclusive, you know ...)

I’m proud to be an American. I love the United States. I get emotional when I hear about the Declaration of Independence, the Revolutionary War and the Constitution. And while, admittedly, there are problems with the United States, I think there are few Americans that would scold or ostracize or hate me for loving America, and even for being vocal about it.

But as soon as I say, “I love Texas,” all hell breaks loose.

I have interacted with some people in the United States who don’t like Texans. Supposedly, they think we are arrogant. They think we think we’re better than everyone else.

I’m proud to be a Texan. I love Texas. I get emotional when I hear about the Texas Declaration of Independence, the Texas Revolution and the Texas Constitution. The cries of “Remember the Alamo” drove the soldiers to overcome Mexican tyranny and to establish the Republic of Texas. Growing up in Texas, we hear stories of heroes like Sam Houston, Stephen F. Austin, Daniel Boone and others – all great men. And while, admittedly, there are problems with Texas (although far fewer than the U.S.) I think there are few Texans that would scold or ostracize or hate me for loving Texas, and even for being vocal about it.

So why do other Americans (non-Texans) hate the fact I’m proud of being from Texas? To become its own country, Texas went through many similar hardships and victories as the original colonies. What’s wrong in being proud to be Texan?

I guess it is a little presumptuous to be from the state that thinks it's the only state in the country that thinks it's the only country in the world, but can you blame us? Texas is a great place!

Now, I’m no extremist. I don’t think Texas should secede, and I don’t have a confederate flag on the gun rack in my truck. But I hope there are people out there who can understand. Pride in being a Texan is very much like pride in being an American. And I’m proud to be both.

So please keep right, except to pass.

Picture by: AFP/Getty Images/Craig Mitchelldyer

Caption by: me!

-ce e cu sacii ăştia?

-a fost mama ta in vizită si ne-a adus câte ceva.... soţul dă un picior la primul sac si dinăuntru se aude: -guitz,guitz,guitz! soţul zice: -a...un purceluş..e bine!

Dă un picior la al doilea sac si aude: -muuuu,muuuuu -a, un viţeluş...

Dă un picior la al treilea sac si nimic. Mai dă încă un picior si mai tare si nimic.Ia o lopată si începe să dea in sac cu ea. Deodată sacul se deschide si iese un tip revoltat rău:

DACĂ TAC...INSEAMNA CA TI-A ADUS CARTOFI!!!!

Oh my God, is that not the funniest thing ever? It's all so true. My favorite quote? "YouTube. Of course. 'Cause you know that's the dream, right? 20 years ago when I wanted to become a writer, a big part of the dream was being able to put little videos on the Internet. That's it. That's why we do this."

Here is the Maino clip I have been telling you about.  It is a MUST listen!!!  If by some chance you fuck up and end up in jail, this is the advice u will have to have in the back of your head. Maino is a cool dude and very personable but I'm sure you dont want to push him... LOL.  Always remember an extreme act of violence will set the tone.

[audio http://www.ciphasounds.com/flyers/maino_advice.mp3]

Here is the Photos

If you think, for one moment... that stating May 2nd the winners of the Caption Me! Contest would be announced was a lie .. well.. err... you would be SO wrong. It was a typo, yes a typo. That's it!( Is anyone else now singing that commercial... it must have been a typo, a typo, a typo... ). Seriously though... I had every intention of announcing the winners then, but the time to format all the entries just wasn't available to me.

Which is precisely why I decided to award more entries a prize!  

There are now 10 winners vs. 3!

Instead of choosing my favorite submissions (really, how is a girl supposed to choose) I used the list randomizer to select the winners - they are shown below in red! The 10 submissions chosen will be receiving a fine art photography print of mine, matted & ready to fit in an 11×14 frame! (Value of $30-$40.00). If your caption appears in red, please email me - khryctee [at] gmail.com - within the next week to receive your prize. I will notify winners if I get a chance -- but it's up to you to contact me so your prize isn't forfeited! I'll reply to your email with all applicable info. CONGRATULATIONS!

 The Submissions:

1. “should l glue, paint, weave or knit?” - Judy Scott
2. “Got floss”?  - Lia
3. “Hmm, what can I make with this?” - Cheryl
4. “Hmmm….smells like…fresh roasted peanuts!” - Lindsay
5. “Where’s the Atkin’s Diet when you need it…!”- Lindsay
6. “I’m sure this string bikini will fit…I’m just big boned!” - Linda
7. “yarn over, knit 2, pearl 2, increase…..or was it decrease?” - Doreen aka LuniLady
8. “Oh oui, I love zee smell of new straw! Should I sleep on it or make a new chapeau?” -Bunny
9. "First Come, First Served!!" - Vicki
10. “No, Mr Sparrow this is NOT your future home, it’s my future craft project!! Now, step away from the straw and no one gets hurt!!!” -Vicki
11. “That’s it! That’s the last straw!” - blendedcolors
12. “Knit one, purl two!” - Mrs. Kwitty
13. "OOOOO! Raffia! Just what I need to finish that ATC." - Mary W.
14. "How long is this straw? Will it make a nice necklace with the acorns I hid?" - Mary W.
15. "If this is long enough I might be able to craft a belt." - Mary W.
16. "Hmmm. Should I weave this for the handle of the shoulder bag or not?" - Mary W.
17. “Shall we discuss this over a nice Chateau?” -Brandie
18. "Fiber, that’s the key to weight loss." - Glenda J.
19. I love Feng Shui, but should should I put this in the “fame” quadrant, or maybe, “relationships?”-Christie
20. "Hmmm… smells like chicken, tastes like chicken… must be chicken!" -Stuart Vail
21. "Due to the suffering economy, the witness protection program is having to tighten up their belts as well..."  - bengalsfan1973
22. "This waxed floss just isn't making it for me." - TheNhBushman
23. "I WILL stick with the diet. I will ... I will!" - Robyn
24. "Prarie Floss"  - AdamT4
25. "It isn't quite a milk mustache, but it will do..."  - Kraften
26. "Knit one, pearl who?" -BonnieBlueDenim
27. "Dude, This is some PRIMO hemp, Holmes!" -spurmarks
28. A glimpse of the rare sub-species of prarie dog-- the prarieblood hound:
    "hmmmm...(sniff, sniff) I'd say that they passed by here about....*sniff*...about 3 hours ago." - Larry the Amateur
29. "Ernesto, connoseur of fine grasses and hay, is pictured here carefully reviewing this year's production before shipping worldwide." - Larry the Amateur
30. "You MUST pay the rent!" - english dixie
31. ((sniff, sniff)) "Nice bouquet, strong wood undertones with a hint of fruitiness."  -TheCrayonBin
32. "Enquiring prairie dogs want to know: how did I get fat on THIS?" - 4tuneseeker
33. "Come now, this won't hurt a bit." - 4tuneseeker
34. "My name is Pierre and I have a big moos-tash!" - Emma
35. "It's so hard to accessorize these days." -Sally Turlington
36. "Now I'm sure there was a needle here somewhere......." - LizBeth King
37. "You know, with a little alfredo sauce, this wouldn't be so bad..." - AntTree
38. "God, I wish this was chocolate." - Bianca
39. "Ah yes. Vintage 2006....... South side of the paddock, I think. A cheeky little stalk that will only improve with a little aging." - IanSand
40. "knit one pearl two...damn where are my glasses" - phicon99
41. "Yummy for my tummy, I love staying in for dinner" - rosegardener55
42. " Got Straw?" - Gina Smith
43. "What Jabba the Hut did after retiring from Star Wars." - Gina Smith
44. "Unadorned" - Flory Brick
45. "Does this outfit make me look fat?" - Kris Hubick
46. "Ah yes, Just one more step and my plan will be complete." - Kris Hubick
47. "Smells like chicken." - Kris Hubick
48. "My new mustache will drive her crazy!" - Kris Hubick
49. "DIY Halloween Costume" - Kris Hubick
50. A digital submission, see Picture below: - petit babycakes 

Can I just say: I reallllllllllllyenjoyed doing this contest. All of your incredible submissions made me smile and truly brightened my days. I will definitely host more of these! A big thank you to all of you who submitted entries! I will be offering my prints the winners are receiving for sale soon ... in the meantime, there's a handful at etsy (sans mats though).

Off to work on another blog post -- Yup. You heard me right. Another one!

-Chrysti