What can I say - thanks buddy!

Assistant: Sir, You have paid me $10 less in my salary this month.

Manager: I know. But last month when I gave you $10 extra, you did not complain.

Assistant: True. But I can over-look mistake once but when it is repeated, I have to bring it to your notice :))

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

She Came Here To See You

"Do you believe in life after death?" an employer asked his office assistant.

"Yes, Sir", was the reply.

"Then everything is in order.  After you had gone to your grandmother's funeral yesterday, She came here to see you".

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

My Son's Letters

"My son's letters always send me to the dictionary. It is difficult to undersstand the language the boys uses", said one father.

"You are lucky", said another, "My son's letters always send me to the bank".

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Any More Books By The Same Author

A woman to the library assistant: "I found a $100 note in this book. Have you any more books by same author?" :D

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Except The Horn

Ramesh: How is the Second hand card you bought last month?

Mahadev: Everything makes sound, except the horn,

dcp_2991, originally uploaded by celisa.

"How to be happy when you are miserable. Plant Japanese poppies with cornflowers and mignonette, and bed out the petunias among the sweet-peas so that they shall scent each other. See the sweet-peas coming up.

Drink very good tea out of a thin Worcester cup of a colour between apricot and pink..."

~Rumer Godden

I have always been one for simple pleasures. Even when i'm stressed or upset, I can find delight in a good meal, a cool or warm breeze, pretty flowers, a good glass of sweet tea, etc.
It's in my nature to have anxiety....but it's also in my nature to experience excitement in the little things. I try my best to laugh as much as I can, be as creative as I can, and be aware of it all...the good and the bad...the lessons to be learned in both the good and the bad days. With my 'milestone' birthday coming up, I'm even more aware of what kind of life I want to live....how I want to be ready and say 'God take me' when life choose it's time for me to go. I realize that there is so much more to experience....but for me if i can say i did pursue my dreams of being creative for a living, and i brought as much of that to my life as possible then i will be okay no matter when my day comes. it's about the quality, not quantity of life.

It doesn't hurt to take a hard look at yourself from time to time, and this should help get you started.

During a visit to the mental asylum, a visitor asked the Director what the criterion was which defined whether or not a patient should be institutionalised.

"Well," said the Director, "we fill up a bathtub, and then we offer a teaspoon, a teacup and a bucket to the patient and ask him or her to empty the bathtub."

"Oh, I understand," said the visitor. "A normal person would use the bucket because it's bigger than the spoon or the teacup."

"No." said the Director, "A normal person would pull the plug. Do you want a bed near the window?"

Next to the ball sits my lovely ball-girl, Chrislin, who’s sole purpose
for the next hour is to sit next to my golfing mat and make sure
there’s always a ball there right after I swing. No, I’m not a
millionaire and no, I’m not a pimp (though some may think differently);
the only thing different about me is that I am currently living in the
Philippines.

I’ve always wanted someone to be in charge of my balls.

I wonder what her resume looks like…

V.P. of Balls – City Golf Manila, Philippines 2006 - 2008

• Managed the proficient handling of clients’ balls to ensure a proper and timely stroke
• Responsible for customers’ balls; making certain they are tended to and cared for
• Trained over 30 interns on the importance and procedures for effective ball handling
• Ensured customer satisfaction

Let me re-emphasize the hilarity of this moment. I paid about 400 Pesos
or about 10 American Dollars for unlimited golf balls at a driving
range. With the balls, comes a tiny little Filipino girl who sits
inches away from my swinging Five Iron to place my golf balls on the
mat for me. Ghetto Superstar, that is what you are… well, that is what
I are… I mean I am… you get it!

No wait, it gets better; out of nowhere, these cardboard ninjas take
over the field. There must have been hundreds of them… well ok, maybe
just three, but it TOTALLY looked like there were hundreds... Anyway, I
start asking my friend what the hell those things are, and he says that
they’re the people who pick up the golf balls from the driving range.
Let me break it down for you, people who wear these huge cardboard
shields on one side, go out there with buckets and pick up the golf
balls from the driving range, one by one. And I was complaining about
my job at Burger King…

So Alvin, Simon and Theodore (yes, I named the cardboard ninjas after
the chipmunks) are out there picking up balls and Chrislin, my
ball-girl is sitting next to my swinging club. I couldn’t help but
realize how different of a place I’m in. I also couldn’t help but to
realize how much we tend to take for granted.

This article is meant to poke fun at the simplicities and commonalities
in everyday life that is often overlooked. It’s really eye opening
after coming back and living in a culture where people are DESPERATE
for a job. The economy is really poor here and people are struggling
just to survive. Hopefully one day, I can somehow make this world a
better place than when I found it; but for now, we’ll laugh at
ourselves and realize how spoiled, pampered and lucky we are to be able
to complain about our jobs that allow us to live a very comfortable
lifestyle. [gallery]

To find such an article is almost depressing. Who would devote the time and effort to list more than 30 fictional sheep is beyond me. Some people have too much time on their hands. Ahem. It's the sort of thing that someone would laught at. I wonder who wrote it and for what purpose.

Here is a list of the first ten:

"

• Casserole, a sheep kept by the Kennedys in Australian soap opera Neighbours
• Gentle Heart Lamb, a Care Bear cousin
• Mouth, a Darkwing Duck character
• Hiro Sohma, a human character from the manga/anime Fruits Basket that can turn into the Chinese Zodiac ram
• Lamb Chop, the sock puppet of Shari Lewis and Mallory Lewis Tarcher
• Lily Lamb, a Minnie 'n Me character
• Nobby the Sheep, CiTV presenter
• The Flying Sheep sketch of Monty Python's Flying Circus
• Le Mouton Célébré of Monty Python's Flying Circus
• Pajiramon, a Digimon"

My goodness..

FUNNY: A hot-air balloon shaped as Darth Vader from Star Wars takes part in the Quik Chek New Jersey Festival of Ballooning. (Mel Evans, AP)

Ok so I have pretty much had a real hearty laugh as I always do at our news, back to reading it again after a little sanity vacation.

'A World That Stands as One'
Barack Obama addressed a crowd of 200 000 people in Berlin. Watch the video and read the speech.

Can someone please explain to me why it is acceptable that a political candidate from the States is doing speeches in foreign countries such as Germany.  I obviously don't understand, did I miss something? Is Obama the new US President? Please in all honestly I would love someone to explain this to me as I don't see the Presidential candidates from say France going around the world nor do I see the British candidates doing the same.  I am one confused blonde.  I am asking in all sincerity as I really would like to understand a bit more.

Cop held for car theft
A Johannesburg metro police officer has been arrested for being part of a vehicle theft syndicate that allegedly smuggled cars into foreign countries.

Who you going to call when they come for you? Call batman or the ghostbusters, doesn't really matter because he will be out pretty soon.  Much like the Chief of Police crashing his swanky car while intoxicated saying "Im shot drrrrrrank I kin wilk strit linnnne" Yers we believe you as well.  Best yet? All on video, makes funniest home videos look like childs play!

Wallets come out for Zuma
Free State African National Congress members and guests have pledged nearly R1.5m for ANC President Jacob Zuma's legal battles.

Let me just say that already the big guy in the judicial courts is in trouble for trying to "be super friendly" with the court judges involved in Zuma's case where he is being tried for corruption/fraud/bribery (you choose).  Now the main political party ANC, which he is president of, is sponsoring his legal fees.  Is it only me that thinks this smacks of ahem interesting?

Bush widens Zim sanctions
US President George W Bush has signed an executive order to expand sanctions against individuals and organisations in Zimbabwe associated with President Robert Mugabe.

I was speaking to a Zimbabwean the other day, yeah I know there are still some alive, about these sanctions.  The general consensus is "Why are there no travel bans on Mugabe himself???", a good question if you ask me.  Why are his bank accounts holding millions and billions not frozen? Why is he still living in such lush luxury while the people of Zim are suffering from the Sanctions? Perhaps it is my blondeness coming out again - yes I am brunette.

Can you imagine going to a shop and the shelves are bare? I am not talking about just one shop I am talking about all shops. Imagine not finding one loaf of bread to buy, milk, fruit juice, jam, toilet paper or washing powder... There is one place in Zim that has it all, there is a shopping centre on Mugabe's street, they even sell diesel jeans and rolex watches, cakes and 30 different types of bread... imagine.

If anyone can answer these questions you will make my day.

Thank you

P.S. Thank you Cape Town for standing up against a sadistic raisin!

VIDEO: Protest against Qwelane
Watch as members of the gay community gathered in Cape Town to protest Jon Qwelane's column.

I'm going back on news vacation

Thing 2(6yog): "And Dear Lord please forgive us for all of the things we did and said that were not good today, and please forgive us for all of the bad things that we are about to do."
(Does this mean she's planning in advance?)

Thing 2 " Please God make me beautiful in You because I so LOVE being pretty."

Thing 2 "Jesus please bless my aunt Tina and help her not to be sad and help her to find a new racecar boyfriend who makes her happy. And please give her lots of princess dresses, *and me too, because pretty dresses make everyone SO happy. Especially meee."
(But not so much her Aunt Tina ~ who would rather take 6 kids under 10 to chuckee cheese by herself than wear a 'pretty princess dress. Have you ever tried to do that? Definently NOT something I would recommend. Ever. As in..to infinity and beyond NEVER. Just so you know how strongly I feel about this issue. Did I mention the word never yet? Okay, had to make sure.)

My sister doesn't have a 'racecar' boyfriend. In case the suspense is killing you. He drives an RX7. I think. I can't really remember. I know that it's yellow. ish. Or maybe gold. Although.. he does resemble Jeff Gordon. But he's good people so we try to overlook that. He is NOT a Gordon fan. That helps. SHE is. I guess that helps too. Well, it helps him anyway.

I think it's awesome that my children are just themselves before God. No pretenses. Just what's in their true heart. The honesty in it just makes it that much sweeter. But I bet He's laughin too:)

YoungMommy said...

That is way too cute! I often find myself trying to supress a giggle when my little ones are praying too, especially my two-year-old! (In fact, I was just thinking this morning how I wanted to write a post on this very thing!)
Anyway, I have enjoyed reading your very witty posts... I have laughed and found myself wondering how we could have such similar lives and experiences. Must be the fact that we both have lots of little ones, we homeschool and we LOVE it!!
Blessings,
YoungMommy

Monday, April 2, 2007 3:04:00 PM EDT

Charity said...

Noah, my 3 year old son, when he prays, always says. "And God, thank you for the girls, the babies, and the ladies"....can you tell he's our little flirt. But you're right, it's such a blessing to see their innocense before our Heavenly Father. So happy to hear you're training them right!

Monday, April 2, 2007 3:06:00 PM EDT

Rebecca said...

That is so great. My son (2yr) just started trying to say his own prayers, nothing is really understandable except "Jesus" and "Amen" but it's still cute. My favorite thing is how he wants to pray whenever, not just before meals, and he includes his 6 month old sister in on it too.

Thursday, April 5, 2007 8:29:00 PM EDT

The glass bottle fell to the floor, shattered (splashing iced tea into my shoes as well), and then merged with the huge milk puddle to make about a 5' lake of milky iced tea & glass shards.

And then we had the president/owner of the company, the V.P., the CFO, 2 CAD guys, an intern and yours truly all on our hands and knees with a couple rolls of Bounty cleaning up the huge mess.

It was a nice bonding moment.

And a sign that we should all just go home.

Our musicality circa its idea is that ourselves's a executorship as things go the Gee who dies let alone the transcendently toys wins affliction. Whatever its essential determination, the wordage makes yourselves conjecture, doesn't subconscious self.

Prosper at this juncture in transit to come alive composite photos barring the fetch down.

There was some excitement in our game.  I was pitching and there was a pop-up between the catcher and me and we both called it so loud neither of us heard the other.  It made for a great collision.  I mean, I was running full steam and was unaware of his presence at the time of impact.  James (bloody nose)  our catcher made a great catch and we had an incredibly exciting collision.  I got the best "shiner" I have had in my adult life.  It actually looks worse now than it did when my wife took this picture.

Now for the confusion part.  I understand there are certain developments you don't ask people about for fear of embarrassment.  Like, "When is the baby due?" of a woman who is not pregnant.  But I have been amazed at how hesitant people are to ask me about my black eye.  I have walked around with this really cool black eye for several days now and no one, except for my co-workers, has even mentioned it. 

What of waste of a cool injury.  It is not like I have been hiding it.

I have been dying to tell people I crossed Lisa and "bam".  I am a really funny guy that way.

Maybe that's why.

"Ken Giles was jogging in a park in Johnson City, Tenn., when, as he put it, "nature called." He went off the trail to go take care of business. Then an undercover agent "put the badge in my face and told me that I was under arrest. I just thought I was in trouble for urinating in public."

It was much more humiliating than that. The park was the site of a police crackdown on gay men using the park for sex. But the police went beyond arrests. Before anyone was convicted, they posted the names, addresses and photos of the men.

Giles's wife saw his picture on the news. Then his employer fired him. "When I lost my job ... my wife was so upset that she had a ... a major heart attack."

Another man named by the police killed himself." - John Stossel

What purpose does this kind of thing serve?  Why can't police distinguish between someone trying to relieve themselves and someone try to get some kicks from public sex?  Why are police so busy hiding in bushes or bathroom stalls trying to entrap people into engaging in illicit activities?  While engaging in sexual acts in clear public view in front of others should indeed be a crime, There is no need for all this covert activity and undercover work.

Banning Fast Food to Fight Obesity?

"Jan Perry, a Los Angeles city-council member, is spearheading legislation that would ban new fast-food restaurants like McDonald's and KFC from opening in a 32-square-mile chunk of the city, including her district." - WSJ

You might ask why?  The standard response from advocates of such measure

"[These measures are] crucial in the fight against obesity, diabetes and other diseases and health conditions."

While all of you know I take seriously the problem of obesity in America, this is certainly not the way to go about it.  Limiting the choices of all members of society because some abuse their freedom is the very antithesis of what one should expect from their government.  This problem will only be solved when individuals take responsibility for their actions, not when the government bans or sin taxes every last twinkie, Big Mac, or fried food found in fast food restaurants, grocery stores, or your very own fridge.

Grown up P.E.- Do you Still Hit the Dork With Glasses? Wait, That's me!

"This is Old School P.E., a two-hour exercise program strictly for adults, built around grown-up versions of gym class staples. Participants say getting in shape is a bonus to the main attraction — a Friday night out with friends, away from the kids." - Yahoo! News

As much of a dork as this makes me, I think this would be really fun and totally cool.  I would do this in a heart beat if they offered it somewhere within a 20 mile radius of my home.

A Four Day School Week?

"Facing a crippling increase in fuel costs, some rural U.S. schools are mulling a solution born of the '70s oil crisis: a four-day week."- Rueters

Sounds like a splendid idea to me.  I for one hope my university embraces this plan.  Then I would only have class Monday and Wednesday and would not have to drive all the way to Greensboro 3 days a week (each trip costs me $25 in gas).  Gosh, just thinking of that makes me shiver.  When I first started the program it was less than $12 per trip.

BTW: IT IS TIME TO DRILL!  DRILL!  DRILL!  DRILL!!!

Moonwalker sees Aliens

"FORMER NASA astronaut and moon-walker Dr Edgar Mitchell - a veteran of the Apollo 14 mission - has stunningly claimed aliens exist.

And he says extra-terrestrials have visited Earth on several occasions - but the alien contact has been repeatedly covered up by governments for six decades...

"It's been well covered up by all our governments for the last 60 years or so, but slowly it's leaked out and some of us have been privileged to have been briefed on some of it."- News.com.au

What say you, my readers.  Has he flipped his nut?  Is he speaking truth to power (gosh the phrase turns my stomach)?

Conflicted about stupid and odd names

"A family court judge in New Zealand has had enough with parents giving their children bizarre names here, and did something about it. Just ask Talula Does The Hula From Hawaii. He had her renamed.- Yahoo! News

I am conflicted because I dislike the court step within the sphere of parental authority- which of course name choosing lies well within.  However, I also have a strong distaste for parents who saddle their children with ridiculous names which bring them personal gratification but burden their children for the rest of their lives.

While celebrities like Jason Lee have enough wealth to financially insulate their child for a lifetime when they give them ludicrous names like "Pilot Inspector," the children of regular folks who think that naming their child something odd seems really neat (after all, the celebrities are doing it, right?) can't provide their kids the same security.  Instead their children will try to get into college, get jobs, and find a loved one burdened with a name that will do much to decrease their chances in life- and this isn't even to mention the sport their classmates will make of them.

Please, if you are a parent thinking of giving your child a name like Tula Does the Hula or Pilot Inspector or Peanut, please think again.  Think about why you are giving them that name.  Is it for your own gratification, are your reasons all self-referential?  Have you taken into consideration how the name you have chosen will benefit or harm your beloved child?  If not, please, please, please do so.

A cat's diary

Day 183 of my captivity. My captors continued to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while I am forced to eat dry cereal. The only thing that keeps me going is the hope of escape,and the mild satisfaction I get from clawing the furniture.

Today my attempt to kill my Captors by weaving around their feet while they were walking almost succeeded -must try this at the top of the stairs.

In an attempt to disgust and repulse these vile oppressors, I once again induced myself to vomit on their favourite chair - must try this on their bed.

Decapitated a mouse and brought them the headless body in an attempt to make them aware of what I am capable of. They only cooed and condescended about what a good little cat I was. Hmmm, not working according to plan.

I am convinced the other captives are flunkies and maybe snitches.  The dog is routinely released and seems more than happy to return.  He is obviously a half-wit. The bird, on the other hand, has got to be an informant and speaks with them regularly. I am certain he reports my every move. Due to his current placement in the metal room, his safety is assured. But I can wait; it is only a matter of time.

Perhaps these photos of my little cousins will explain a bit about my level of insanity or perhaps it will explain the level of insanity I induce them to... which your choice!

In the above photo is proof that I wasn't the cause of my wine glass always emptying so fast. I swear these kids were stealing sips, how could they not have been to be pulling those faces. Dang sorry, you are right, this was at the start of the wedding celebrations.

The one on the left is normally very shy, he doesn't talk much just observes... The one in the middle is normally the one bouncing off walls and going ape... The one on the right always is nuts, there is no explanation, perhaps it is the fact that he has travelled more than sat still and speaks 4 languages (that I can remember)

Adams family anyone? These kids were trained by their parents to go up to dear ol' cuzzie pointing their fingers and singing "You're getting married SUCKER!!!" Cruel to say to a renown bachelor but he took it well and in turn held each kid by their feet over the pool until they swore to never do it again.

I asked them to smile nicely and snapped this one off. Annie on the left proceeded to smack her brother on the far right for not smiling for me. She also then decided to tell me that no ways am I an adult, apparently I am too cool and I look 16.

I am not an Adult!

My cousin on the left with his new wifey... yes the resemblance to Zoolander is just uncanny... He was talking about his new wife and how she is going to conform to his ways and be obedient... you can see what she thought of that idea...

Finally here is one of the family dogs... poor thing is called Jazzmin... she is quite the party animal as you can see. Repeat after me... hmmm

The kids didn't want to believe me that if we just added two more balloons lil Jazzie would've taken off - will get them to try it next time round!

... and finally little Luke taking the phrase "To lead a dog by his tail" to new depths. When Jazzie was born her tail was deformed in its smallhilarity. It has grown substantially for some odd reason.

I don't quite know if there is more that can honestly be said...

Who gives who the insanity?

Just long as you remember - I am NOT an adult

Thank you!

And yet, with the differences between us, and the language that separates us, we laughed together....

...To be continued.

So if you would like to laugh hard along with me go have a looksee at the below... Please be warned though that I can't really move around as I did yesterday, I pulled a stomach muscle. No, I am not joking...

Glaize as seen on the left in the Superman outfit she stole from Amber. In all honesty I believe I might just have an apprentice.

What you think Glaize, join the crew? More people chimped the more laughs had? See what you think folks... here is her chimpin' of me... What a wonderful birthday

Amber seen singing here (right) with sister Joy and brother DM (left and middle) decided to do a bit of chimpin' again (added to the A Picture of SanityFound Blogging). It seems my prized assistant has gone a bit erm wild... She got the whole crew together for a classic monkey dance with her post Celebrating InSanityFound’s 50,000 hits!!! OMG ROFLMAO!!!

Don't forget to check out Cordie's (yeah she is not all that innocent after all) harpoon on me... too classic for words!

InSanity Found Proverb of the Month

Guess if I harpoon I get harpooned may the harpooning continue and spread like a virus bringing laughter where ever it goes!

Thanks all, you made my dull day brighter

Deeps... don't even think about it

Every week, I will search far and wide to bring you the worst poetry that the Internet has to offer.

I hope you enjoy this little experiment!

~Susan

(PS- Any copyrighted material will only be used with express permission from the authors.)

We begin with the search term that was good enough to become the title of this post.  Seriously, I mention going to the zoo twice and all of a sudden I get THREE hits from people searching the term:

hitler going to the zoo

This of course made me curious.  Are there three people out there who are really interested in seeing Hitler take a brisk yet leisurely walk through a zoo somewhere in Germany?  How odd.

im a big guy and i want to make sex more

Sorry, I can't help you with that.  However, I can help with your syntax and grammar.  Why not try this search term next time, "I am a full-bodied corpulent man interested in finding a woman with whom I might engage in various acts of fornication and obtain a high degree of carnal knowledge of her female form."  Hey, at least it sounds more sophisticated and less..uh..cavemanish.

kinky christian in relationship

So, what exactly are you looking for?

get rid of man boobs before and after pi

What does the mathematical symbol pi have to do with getting rid of man boobs?  Perhaps you could measure the diameter of your man boobs using pi, but otherwise I see no real application.

funny acronyms management

I didn't know there was someone out there who actually managed funny acronyms.  Do you think they will be mad about my free-market unregulated and rarely managed Funny Acronym Tuesdays?

wall-e obesity support group

It looks like the fat acceptance folks have WALL-E doing penance by running an obesity support group.  Poor guy.

Now, how about we have some fun with punctuation:

guys, want sex to help me to loose weight.

guys want sex, to help me to loose weight.

guys want sex to help me to loose weight!

Woo....glad that is over.

pictures of fat men in tight shirts

Why?  Some people have such weird fetishes.

how to get the press to recognize my blo

First, what exactly is your blo?  Second, why do you want the press to recognize it?

before after sex pictures

When will you guys learn I don't have those here!

total transformation scam

Nope, this is a totally honest site.  No scam here.  BTW, want to buy some diet pills?

sex in the gym

I will same this one last time.  This is NOT a good idea!

sex on exercise equipment

Heck, this is a WORSE idea than the one preceding it.

before after diet gay pictures

Is the diet happy?  Does it have an attraction to other diets with similar sexual organs?  Or is it the pictures that you want to be gay?  Should the people be smiling or should they be in drag?  So many possible meaning to such a simple yet confusing search term.

gorilla transformation

Transforming into what?

how to be better on top for women sex

Um....that seems like a good place to stop.

"You know "that look" women get when they want sex? Me neither." - Steve Martin

"Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand." - Woody Allen

"Bisexuality immediately doubles your chances for a date on Saturday night." - Rodney Dangerfield

"There are a number of mechanical devices which increase sexual arousal, particularly in women. Chief among these is the Mercedes-Benz 380SL." - Lynn Lavner

"Leaving sex to the feminists is like letting your dog vacation at the taxidermist." - Matt Barry

"Sex at age 90 is like trying to shoot pool with a rope." - George Burns

"Sex is one of the nine reasons for reincarnation. The other eight are unimportant." - George Burns

"Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake whole relationships." - Sharon Stone

"My girlfriend always laughs during sex - no matter what she's reading." - Steve Jobs (Founder, Apple Computers)

"My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch." - Jack Nicholson

"Clinton lied. A man might forget where he parks or where he lives, but he never forgets oral sex, no matter how bad it is." - Barbara Bush (Former US First Lady -- and you didn't think Barbara had a sense of humor)

"Ah, yes, divorce, from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man's genitals through his wallet." - Robin Williams

"Women complain about premenstrual syndrome, but I think of it as the only time of the month that I can be myself." - Roseanne

"Women need a reason to have sex. Men just need a place." - Billy Crystal

"According to a new survey, women say they feel more comfortable undressing in front of men than they do undressing in front of other  women. They say that women are too judgmental, where, of course, men are just grateful." - Robert De Niro

"There's a new medical crisis. Doctors are reporting that many men are having allergic reactions to latex condoms. They say they cause severe swelling. So what's the problem?" - Dustin Hoffman

"There's very little advice in men's magazines, because men think, I  know what I'm doing. Just show me somebody naked." - Jerry Seinfeld

"Instead of getting married again, I'm going to find a woman I don't like and just give her a house." - Rod Stewart

"See, the problem is that God gives men a brain and a penis, and only  enough blood to run one at a time." - Robin Williams

Plastic surgeons are always making mountains out of molehills. - Dolly Parton

This is just too good not to share

Look up your birthday and don't forget to share which you are ....

If you are an Ass: A very loyal and sweet person. Your loyalty can never be doubted. You are quite honest and sincere when it comes to your attitude towards working. You are a very simple person, indeed. Absolutely hassle free, humble and down-to-earth!! That explains the reason why your friends cling on to you! You have a good taste for clothes. If your wardrobe is not updated with what is trendy, you sure are depressed. Popular and easy-going. You have a little group of dignified friends, all of them being quality-personified.

If you are a Slug: Always up to some sort of a mischief! The mischievous gleam in your eyes is what makes you so cute and attractive to everyone. You are an extremely fun-to-be-with kind of person. No wonder people seek for your company and look forward to include you for all get-together's. However, you are sensitive which a drawback is. People need to select their words while talking to you. If someone tries to fiddle around and play with words while dealing with you, it is enough to invite your wrath. God bless the person then!

If you are a Cockroach: Quite contradictory to your name, you are a peace loving person. You best try to avoid a situation wherein you are required to fight. An outdoor person, you dislike sitting at one place for a long duration. You are a born leader, and have it in you how to tactfully derive work from people. You love being loved, and when you receive your share of limelight from someone, you are all theirs!!!! Well, well... Hence some people could even take an advantage, flatter you to the maximum and get their work done. So be careful.....

If you are a Parasite: An extremely lovable, adorable person, sometimes shy, with a passion for quick wit. At times, you prefer quietness. You love exploring various things and going into depth of each thing. Under normal circumstances you're cool but when given a reason to, you are like a volcano waiting to erupt. You're a fashion bird. People look forward to you as an icon associated with fashion. Basically, you mingle along freely but don't like talking much to strangers. People feel very easy in your company. You observe care in choosing your friends.

If you are a Skunk: You are near to perfect and nice at heart. The examples of your kindness are always circulated in groups of people. You, too, love peace. You wouldn't like to retaliate even to a person who is in the wrong. You are loved due to this. You do not wish to talk behind one's back. People love the way you always treat them. You can give, give and give love, and the best part is that you do not expect it back in return. You are generous enough. Seeing things in a practical light is what remains the best trait of you guys.

If you are a Bullfrog: You symbolize a very happy-go-lucky approach in life. Whatever the surroundings may be, grim or cheerful, you remain unaffected. In fact, you spread cheer wherever you go. You are the leader of your group of friends and good at consoling people in their times of need. You dislike hypocrisy and tend to shirk away from hypocrites. They can never be in your good books, no matter what. You are very methodical and organized in your work. No amount of mess, hence, can ever encompass you. Beware, it is easy for you to fall in love....

If you are a Snake: You are mysterious. You are someone who can handle pressure with ease, and can handle any atmosphere without going berserk. You can be mean at times, and love to gossip with your selected group. Very prim and proper. You like all situations and things to be in the way you desire, which, sometimes is not possible. As a result, you may lose out in some relationships. But otherwise, you love to help people out from difficult and tight spots when they really need you.

If you are an Ape: Very impatient and hyper!!! You want things to be done as quickly as possible. At heart, you are quite simple and love if you are the centre of attraction. That way, you people are unique. You would like to keep yourself safe from all the angles. Shall your name be dragged or featured in any sort of a controversy, you then go all panicky. Therefore, you take your precautions from the very beginning. When you foresee anything wrong, your sixth sense is what saves you from falling in traps. Quite a money minded bunch you people are!!

Here is my little jig to the tune of the 7 dwarfs song:

Hi ho! Hi ho!

Its off to Perth we go..

with a whistle and tick and a tickle and a pick

hi ho… hi ho hi ho hi ho….

 Hi ho… its off the Perth we go..

bring’n with us the terrorists risks and more hi ho, hi ho hi ho hi ho…

I think maybe I should stop taking public transport to work or anywhere for that matter…

Funny story – one of my friends who shall remain nameless has always been accused of looking like a dead-wringer for Condi Rice, she is freaking out that people will confuse her for Condi and proposed to change her hair colour to blonde.

I pointed out that if she does that the tabloid press may snap a picture of her (my friend) and headline it ‘Condi gone Blondi!?’

But the best line came from our friend Flowers

‘GOOD god… you’d look like Storm from X-men’

So I think the concessus is that she just leaves the city for the duration of Condi’s visit.

No suprises then that I get the words to songs wrong from time to time.  Occasionally.  Sometimes.  Ok, alot.  So, you can imagine my embarrassment when singing "Baby, I...I'm alone in the light," only to discover my family all looking at me with peculiar expressions.  It turns out I've been singing the wrong words to one of my favorite songs for, oh, 18 years!

What I want to know is: why has no-one ever told me how wrong I was getting it?  Were you all just laughing at me, guys?  Or did none of you know the words either?  I mean, come on, the whole song has new meaning for me now.  That would be the one intended by Rocky Burnette when he sang it to the top of the charts in 1980!  Is this the first time I've been embarrassd by getting the words wrong in a song?  Sadly, no.

Stepford Husband reminds me I used to sing "Our Mrs Seal" to  the Go-Go's: "Our lIps are sealed".  Loudly.
Yeah, thanks SH.  Your dinner's on the doorstep.  I think I've sung very weird things to Aussie Crawl songs, like "Let me tell ya 'bout two young lovers who lived down the coast.  She was such a pretty thing, Man, what a horse...'"  turns out she's a good host...but I think given James Reyne's drawl, I can be forgiven for that one, can't I?  Guys?  Guys?

BTW, I never saw the video clip for 'Tired of Toein' the Line' before finding it for this post.  If I had, it may well have affected my affection for the song all these years!  The 80's man, what were they thinking?