Today was my first day of law school orientation. Because of my last name, I was scheduled to pick up my orientation packet between 8:30 and 9:30. Last night, my roommates got home from a pre-orientation bowling party and told me, “Since we can get our packets between 8:30 and 9:30, we’re thinking we’ll get there right at 9:30.” “Oh,” I said, “okay.” My parents were picking me up right at 8:30. So I guessed I’d see my roommates there.

For the entire three days I’ve spent in New Orleans, I’ve had no qualms about spending most of my time with my parents. I’ve been thanking goodness that I’m not the same girl who showed up at South Orange Middle School on September 2nd, 1994, or the same girl who showed up at camp during summers in the nineties, or really the same girl as any other time.

There’s something about moving to New Orleans that has liberated me from most of my social anxieties about not being well liked, about not being cool enough or ever being right about anything about which cool people had an opinion. During the recent years I spent in New York, I wound up understanding most of those things, or, at least, my aesthetics and politics and sensibilities meshed well enough with those of people I liked, and all was harmony. Most of the time.

Because I believed so thoroughly in that New York which I inhabited, because I felt like it was the norm, rather than the exception, to step into a place and feel like it made sense, I have been largely ambivalent about pleasing New Orleans. I don’t think this is a sustainable existence, and I don’t think it is nice, but as I sit here with an earplug in my right ear, ignoring the dips and squeals coming from the dining room where my roommates, Rachel and Kit, and Kit’s mother, Bettina, are eating falafel and talking about rainstorms in kindergarten, I feel more peaceful than anxious. I am petrified of Bettina, and I really want Kit and Rachel to like me, but it’s okay. I’ll have time to spend with them, and Bettina will go back to Cajun country and to watching my father on the television, and I won’t have worry.

We met Bettina yesterday, when my parents and I were looking at a map in the living room. First Kit’s father banged in, carrying something heavy and yelling to Kit, I’ll get this stuff out of the car, but then I’ve got to get back. Bettina came sauntering in moments later, her shocking orange hair up tight and to the side, wearing flared jeans, platform sandals, and a long lace tunic with bell sleeves. She was carrying a gigantic fast-food Styrofoam soda cup, and I mentioned this to my mother later, when my mother called her slick.

What did you think of Bettina? I’d asked.

I think she’s very slick, said my mother. I had never heard my mother use the word “slick” before.

I didn’t think that giant soda was very slick, I offered, and grinned at my father in the rearview mirror.

Well, said my mother, I just think she’s very Southern. Like, beautiful smiles, but then, if you cross her— and then that was it. I thought that was a kind of antiquated way of judging your modern Southern lady, but then my mother told me Bettina was very racist. That made me sad. I hadn’t thought Kit was. I asked my parents what they and Bettina had been talking about while the girls were cleaning and straightening and sorting out the mail.

Did she recognize Daddy? Bettina had seemed to take strongly to my father, although most women do, star struck or no. My mother said no, Bettina hadn’t said anything, but that, she might have, and just been slick enough not to.

I love when my mother is catty, but this time, I wished everyone could just be friends. I didn’t want any Cajun lady in flip-flops to perturb my mother.

It turned out Bettina had recognized my father, but she didn’t say anything until they left tonight. She recognized him from Guiding Light, a soap opera he was on in the mid-eighties. He played a child molester. I am a standoffish Yankee, in here typing madly while there’s dining going on, and my father is Bradley Raines, child molester. I think that, even though I am not the same sweaty, skinny kneed, anxiety-ridden girl who I was, I should go sit with Bettina and my roommates. Oh! And now they’re talking about the Superdome. This is something I will want to hear.

-----

It was, or wasn’t. When I sat down at the dinner table, Abita in hand, Bettina was talking about the evacuations after Katrina, and the subsequent rising crime rates in Houston, Baton Rouge and Layfayette, where she lives. She had brought this up the day before with my father, too. This is a common trait of people who are trying to historicize a recent wound; the telling and retelling of stories so that they become sociological myth.

To illustrate her point, Beyrl said, And after they closed our stadium, kicked New Orleans refugees out of Cajun Stadium, in Lafayette, after they closed our stadium, the twenty four hour Wal Mart was closed! All the stores that used to be twenty-four hour just started closing, at, like, ten!

Rachel said something about displaced people coming from neighborhoods where homes had been in the family for generations, where people hadn’t been accustomed to providing for their families very much in the first place. The day before, my father had talked about reconstruction companies only hiring undocumented immigrants, about the fact that unemployment rates among native New Orleanians had skyrocketed after the storm, even though there were many jobs to be had.

Bettina shook her head regretfully and said, It was like they opened the zoo.

I drank more beer. I was not going to change Kit’s mother’s mind in one conversation, and if I’d wanted to, I didn’t know where to start. Bettina continued ranting about the refugees, talked about the atrocious things that happened inside the Superdome—did not mention the atrocities that happened outside it—and then came back to Cajun Stadium, home of the University of Louisiana at Lafayette’s Ragin’ Cajuns.

And the price they quoted after those people left, Bettina started, even though I hadn’t realized we were talking about budgetary concerns, was not even to repair the stadium. It was to sanitize it.

So the lesson of my first day of law school is that my mother was right, about that one thing.

UPDATE: My article has been reprinted at another (bigger?) blog: http://www.evangelicaloutpost.com/archives/2008/08/the-candidate-a.html

Possibly you should be thankful?! :-P

Rachel will begin soccer on Monday.  Well, I think she will on Monday.  I haven't received confirmation on the fall schedule.  If the coach is the same, then the schedule will remain the same.  I'll find out with a 9 pm call on Sunday. 

I'm also insanely considering letting Matty do Special Olympics bowling this fall.  The only issue I have with it is that I have to drive 30 minutes to get him and then drive 30 minutes to get him to practice.  That's a lot of gas and time.  So I'm still tossing that one around.  The perks are that it is on the opposite days that Rachel has soccer.  And the biggest perk is that work pays me.  Since we are a bank we have to log in so many volunteer hours every year by federal law.  So the bank pays us for it since it keeps the feds happy.  And you just thought those bank people were freely helping out.  Not necessarily.  I was appalled too.  Makes you look at people a little differently. 

And Lauren will be sitting on her tush daydreaming of her wedding to Michael Phelps.  That is usually the extent of sports for her. :lol:

So, the task this week is to learn the Thriller dance, and become zombies. I was going to make some joke about part of the task also being to change your skin colour from black to white but I think, with Darnell in the house, that'd be flying close to the wind, right? Or some joke about part of the task being to ply kids with Jesus juice then have a sleepover... But with Rachel in there, I'm just going to keep schtum. Rex is the choreographer, which is weird, but I guess it's because he's head of house. One housemate has to take on the role of Michael in the video. Darnell is practically crying with desire for the part. But Rex gives it to Nicole. This is only going to end badly. (I might do a search in the minute to see how many times I've typed that in the last eleven weeks.)

So Rex has to explain to Mikey how everyone is moving, because obviously HE CAN'T SEE. Rex and Mikey both seem unhappy with this arrangement. Rex is irked, and Nicole is being mean because some people aren't doing it to her standards. "She's leadingthe dance," says Rex to Mo, who is becoming annoyed. "I've f-inggot it," says Mo. But when Rex challenges him, he won't do it. "You've got a stick stuck up your arse!" says Rex, apropos of nothing. Gah, if Rex wasn't head of house he'd be out on his ear this Friday. Lisa is terrifying at the dance, and seems to be doing some kind of vulture-with-a-dislocated jaw impression. Rex seems to think that Mikey is incapable of doing the dance. Nicole says she is the only one who will be able to do the dance perfectly, which is a LIE. "You're so sexy," says Rex, which is disturbing because Nicole is in her Michael Jackson garb. "Because of his disability, he has no sense of direction," says Rex of Mikey when in the diary room. Really? And are you sure of that, Rex? "If Michael thinks he is unable to do the task, Michael should come and tell the diary room himself," says Big Brother, vaguely tersely. "Basic budget," says Nicole, like it is some kind of adage. Oh dear. Mikey is wandering around everywhere as they pratice. However, if what Big Brother says is true, the housemates are being judged on their efforts. So basically, it doesn't matter what they do - they will pass or fail on the whim of Big Brother (and whether they think the housemates would be bettr viewing hungry or drunk). But it's OK, because Darnell loves the task! "I would have had Mo as Micheal Jackson. He's the best dancer in the house. It would look right. Now he looks like a token guy in the corner," says Darnell.  

Mieky is finding it hard to do the dance, plus he's finding Nicole and Rex's comments difficult. "You pair aren't explaining sh8t," he says. "Be more pacific." "I'm not used to teaching," says Rex. In the end, Lisa sensibly explains the moves. I'm not a Mikey fan, but come on. He's only got a chance of doing the task if it's explained to him. Sara looks very good in a hat. I think they will pass this task. In the midst of all this, Big Brother tells the housemates the nomination results. Kat is scared. Nicole and Sara profess to know who is up, but that can't be true. Lisa looks kind of annoyed, and kind of like she was expecting it. Sara and Nicole are glazed. No one speaks for a long time. "Little f8ckers," says Rex. "I think I'm going to leave anyway, tomorrow," says Nicole, but as far as I know, she hasn't left yet. "Girls don't like girls like Nicole," says Mikey to both Rex and Nicole. Rex and Nicole now call Mikey 'Michael'. "They're high-maintenance... Stuck up their own arses." Ha! Mikey also tells the diary room that he doesn't like Nicole or Rex's negative attitude toward him. "I'm doing the task, whether they like it or not," he says. Outside, Nicole accuses Rex of being nice to everyone, which is how he has stayed. Wrong, wrong, and wrong!

Now Rachel is explainingthe moves to Mikey. "Feel my hips!" she commands. "You like the groin one!" Rex and Nicole are still smoking outside, and Rex drinks wine from the bottle. That thing about girls hatinggirls and voting them out of reality TV shows is being bandied about. No, that is not true. It's just that the sort of girls who often go onto these sort of programmes are quite hateful. Sara is getting angry about Rex inside. "Lately, he's not been nice to me at all. Actually, the more I think about it, it's since Nicole came in." She always used to give him cigarettes too. It's obvious that Rex is proving something to Nicole in his treatment of Sara, and that has been clear for the last week or so. "Everything's remembered," says Lisa, not very subtley. Sara goes to the diary room. "I'm a lost cause. I'm probably irritating. I irritate myself."

But we know she's not going, right?

For the Home

• Rugs
• Artwork
• Household décor items
• Portable washing machine
• Lighting
• Bookshelves (Ikea Billy, black brown)
• Organization items
• Dishes

Electronics

• VCR and video tapes
• Speakers
• ThinkPad T40 (with bad video card)
• Lots of miscellaneous computer parts

For the Ladies

• Women’s clothes
• Ski clothes

For the Kids

• Girls clothes
• Stuffed Animals
• Toys
• Books
• GameBoy
• Disney Princess costumes & dress up clothes

And more!..

It's going to be such a hodge-podge of everything I have kept for "just in case" and "if I need it someday" and "this was SUCH a good deal".  Even as I sit here, my mind boggles.  I alone have clothes, a HUGE Pottery Barn area rug, 2 huge Billy bookcases, a VCR and tons of movies, organizing things that just don't work for the spaces I have, a portable washing machine (yes... the washing machine - if I can find my ode I shall post it), lighting, and an insane amount of computer bits and bobs including my poor ThinkPad with the janky video card. 

Haley has a ton of stuffed animals, even more clothes, a Game Boy and a number of Disney Princess outfits.  I made her a deal a'la Clean House:  I will match the proceeds of the sale of all her mayhem and foolishness up to the first $50, and every penny will be invested in her bedroom.  It'll be interesting to see just how much she wants her room to be a temple to Cinnamoroll :-P 

Rae is going to add to the mix the contents of her storage space, artwork, clothes and whatnot.

I'll let you in on a little secret.... come about noon it'll be a free sale!  Space is what I want - money is just gravy.  (But any money I make will go to my Vegas fund for Rae's birthday!)

Hello

Hello. Rex has stuck a sunflower on some toast and is calling it an apology

I forgot that, as Head of House,Rex cannot be nominated

I am v irate about this

It's crazy

As he def would have gone

I love that neck kissing - passionately - is making up

I actually feel sorry for Nicole

That has surprised me

Yeah, I know

Also, I think I know who has been nominated

Do you want to know?

Sure, do tell

Nicole, Lisa and Sara

So Nicole will be going

Oh yeah, I reckon. Or Sara - depends.

Not Lisa though

I think this is a shame in some ways, as Rex should have gone first

No, Sara won't go

Why?

Is she liked?

She has quite a lot of fans I think

She doesn't inspire fandom in me, I must say

Nicole keeps saying she'll walk and I wonder if she will when she knows she's up

Possibly

Hm

It's all a bit unfortunate

I'm surprised Sara was nominated, also

Well, we shall see why in a second

Or not, if they edit the noms too much

4 Music boasts Lauren Laverne as a presenter

Haha I hate Laverne

She is a frog face

This is going on the blog, you know. She'll know you hate her.

Ugh, take that off then

I’m sure she's a nice person

Lisa has got make up on. What a lie

bad ones, at that

Darnell looks terribly white in the Diary Room light

Poor Lisa

I know

Haha

Poor Darnell!

Also, his head is quite notchy

I bet it's itchy

It's so thick that it must be horrid after shaving

OMG he nominated Sara

How rude

For not fucking him, clearly

Yes, and snogged Mo

Or in Mo's words, "pulled him"

oloolol

UGH

When Darnell does an Aussie accent he pronouces Sara as Sierra

Yes. I'm surprised at kat noming Sara too

KAT FANCIES BORIS JOHNSON!

haha don't we all

He has had a haircut now and everything

Lisa’s earrings look like giant earlobes

I wonder what size her boobs were before she had surgery

Probably tiny

I bet they were quite nice

LOOK AT HER DANGLY EARLOBES

She has a good bum

(if by 'good' you mean 'big')

No, I mean round. That normally means quite good boobs too

Anyway, that is irrelevant

Lisa does have very large old man ears

Did you see when Mo said he thought she was a man?

EUGH is Rex kissing her boobs?

HA, yes.

That is evil

Get out

Rex is treading dangerously close to assault

haha

SLURP SLURP

Rex kisses Nicole like a drunk old man kissing a teen in Flares

Do you think Nicole has had a boob job?

I was wondering that yesterday

Hm, don't know. Not really looked enough

But can't make up my mind

Hm

She has horrid shoes

has she? let me see

There.

Ugh yes they are horrid

Mikey looks like a Butlins compere.

hahaha I was just writing something along those lines

Do you think Rex will nominate Nicole?

Nah

Really? I think he might

Really? That would surely end their relationship

Surely

Also, Mikey is wrong about Sara thinking the sun shines out of Rex's bum

She has been quite annoyed with him this week

And rightly so, too

Oh look, make fun of the non-English mother tonguer!

Making Kat say dirty limericks to make her swear is nasty

OH DEAR

MIKEY'S EXTENTABLE STICK IS MAGIC!

It's like a lightsaber!

But less noisy

And you can't fight with it. Well, you could, but it would be rubbish

Yes, and a bit unfair

And it's not glowing.

Although I was scared when he managed to find Rex hiding behind the bed

MO VOTES FOR SARA! It's because he thinks she's loose, I reckon

Maybe he would be a fair opponent because he has some kind of internal motion sensor

Oh he is such a schoolboy

"She didn't talk to me!"

Sara is being voted out for "making conversation IN FRONT OF ME"? What an odd reason

Haha Mo is very weird

Lisa looks well old today

Yes. She looks tired and a bit sad

Like old lettuce

Although with a 25-year-old's body

Which is just creepy

Tyre throwing. What fun.

Did they steal that from a local car?

Do you know, I totally forgot about Rachel until just then

Yes, I did that yesterday

Rachel very rarely features in the programme recently

We saw the most of her last week when she was up for eviction

Haha Mo makes noises in the toilet

How disgusting!

That's as valid a reason for nom as any

It's as valid is "she talks to me" or whatever

Mikey is playing blind golf

With a hoop and a potato, it looks like

I am glad he has got changed, at least

This is like Nightmare but with less jesters and nobody called Pickle

And no giant skull on the screen

This also strikes me as a bit mean

(All of which would improve BB, btw)

Rachel is scared of Lisa! HA HA!

I can't believe that Rachel is uneasy around Lisa, but I can believe she's scared of her

Wouldnt you be? I would be

Yeah, alright, probably. Sleep with one eye open.

Yes. And, in your case, some kind of male chastity belt just in case

Why is Lisa sweating so much? Is it her time of life?

Ha! I think she's younger than that

"She's what I'd call a ship jumper - she likes to jump ship."

Well... It's entuirely possible to have the 'change' when you're 40 whatever

Rex is so mean about Sara. She is not a cling on, I don't think

She just never really ahd the chance to make any friends

Plus of all the people left, she didn't have much choice

Ugh. Mikey better not make it to the final, you know

I know. I can't fathom his popularity.

In the house?

At all

In the real world.

Well, I don't think he has that many fans outside

Yeah, but he's one of the faves to win in the bookies, right?

Just looked: Mikey is current bookies favourite to Win

9/4 odds

Then Darnell/Rachel Tied

UGH

Then Kat

Well, I know that Nicole is favourite to leave on Friday, but that's obvious

She's also least favourite to win

Ha

Poor Nicole, I say again

There was utterly no point to her being there, apart from to make Rex look worse

haha but at least he knows he is a tit

I liked his dance

I am looking forward to Darnell being a walrus

OMG Rachel doesn't know what a walrus is

How does Rachel - a teacher - not know what a Walrus is?

Ridiculous

What is the matter with her?

God knows.

LITERALLY HA HA!

Haha

I forgot she was a Chist child

You are a terrible typist under pressure, you know.

I love that Lisa thinks that 5 digestives will = vomit

Chist child = child of a Neathian morgue assistant

I don't know

I meant Christ, I admit

Oh no, Mikey is instigating nose picking and eating

he is isgusting

yes yes, I meant disgusting

He really is. YOUR WINNER, LADIES AND GENTS

Thank you and really, well done

Oh, Mikey would have a bogey ready

UGH

"A HUGE BOGEY".

This is vile

The lowest BB has ever been

Oh I actually want to vomit

Lower than Kinga with a bottle up her quim

Yes, much lower

Mo is revolting

And far more disgusting

He's going to eat it!

At least Kinga was doing something vaguely normal?

AAARGH!

UGHUGUGH

YUCK OH MY GOD

I want to die

Mo has just ruined any potential sex life he could ever have

Mo seriously will eat anything

Oh god I want to throw up everywhere

He was hungry

(and then eat it)

Only joking

Filled a hole

Kat is saying HARDCORE over and over. Do you think that's her favourite kind of porn?

Yes

That and Asian babes

Actually, is Kat bi?

I don't know. I haven't tested her

Ha. Would you want to? I'm thinking you wouldn't

I HEAR THE VOICE OF ACE FROM DR WHO ON THE AMBIPUR AD!

Sophie Alldred.

Yes!

Who are Ricky and Melvin on BBBM?

I was just going to ask you that!

I have no idea!

Oh, the hardcore relates to Mo

But he wasn't hardcore

He was just vile

That's all

No pride in that

Yuck

Rex is a good head of house!

Ha

He is a something head

Dick?

Ha ha you saw my joke!

Yeah, it was good.

Subtle

Kat is making prophecies

Like me

Why does Darnell want to be sick?

Is it because of the bogey?

If Darnell vomits he is sick for 3 days, APPARENTLY.

Oh yes

HOW DOES THAT WORK?

He’s out of commission

I don't know

Must be psychosomatic

Oh no, are Nicole and rex going wanking again?

I think so. Whilst talking to others.

Well, what a fun episode.

Nearly.

Typical fare really

Oh well

More of the ssme tomorrow!

Indeed.

Rex is singing Nicole a weird song about "not believing what has been portrayed on the show." Get it? No, I don't either. I am starting to doubt the nature of reality somewhat. I mean, let's look at the evidence. I'm writing about the most boring and forced series of Big Brother so far. Big Bother Towers have been getting weird comments about not living in the real world (or something - I paraphrase). And the most damning pieve of evidence of all: I was, pitifully, trapped in a Welsh city centre today, and saw not the doppelganger of Rachel Big Brother, but actually Rachel from this series of Big Brother. She looked at me like she knew what I was thinking, gave me a sly look and ran off. Now, I may not be a super sleuth but this is all becoming well fishy.

Anyway. Lisa and Sara talk of things that make them feel ill. "Velvet," says Lisa. "Nails on a blackboard... Like having a wax," says Sara. As Nicole talks to Darnell about how she wants to go to drama school, Rex bitches about her in the diary room. When he comes out, he asks her is she wants some "petting". I keep forgetting Rachel is in the house after seeing her today her survival of eviction. It's weird when she talks. Darnell says something about orgasms the girls' screaming wakes Mo. Delightful.

The housemates' Sunday task is to make mosaics in the image of Rex from (chewed) bubble gum. YUM. "You're not drawing my genitals," says Rex, even though no one offered (not even Nicole). Oh, that gum looks good. It looks American. The housemates have to wear Roman togas as they make their mosaics. There are wasps everywhere. Lisa is TERRIFIED. Mikey shouts about it into a plant pot (I know you think I made that up, but I didn't). "This isn't funny," says Lisa. "One sting can kill you," she says. You know how she likes that old adage. (No, I'm not talking about Mario ROFL.)

Now Rex has to judge the mosaics. He doesn't like Lisa's or Kat's and Rachel's attempts. He doesn't like the "pig nose" in Darnell and Mo's mosaic. So, oh, what a surprise, Sara and Nicole's attempt wins, even though it is not the best, whatever Rex says. Apparently, they are getting their reward later, in costume. "Bring on the Roman orgy," says Mikey. There is, in fact, a feast in the diary room for them. It is a Roman feast, and I wonder if any of the housemates are aware that Romans ate dormouse. Probably not, because they seem to love the meat. Lisa and Mikey say Nicole is worried about Sara's relationship with Rex. Can i just say that Lisa looks like she is covered in Marmite, though it is in fact, fake tan. Did she mean to put it on like that? She looks like streaky bacon. UGH. Nicole is crying in the diary room. "There's all these stories that he [Rex]cheated on me," says Nicole. "I wish I could talk to him." Oh dear. I would like to run to a bookies and get the odds on Nicole and Rex breaking up soon after they have left the house. But I won't, because I can already guess it'll be pretty high. Regardless, Rex will go this week, I think, which should make things better for Nicole, and for us. Kat goes out to see if Nicole is alright as Rex swans about inside. OK, Nicole did tell him to f off, but still. Things go from bad to worse. Nicole is now sobbing bed and Rachel and Kat are trying to help. Something to lighten the mood? "I'm gonna sleep butt naked tonight!" says Darnell. They go to sleep in B Block. Lisa is being very kind to Nicole, and it makes me think that, going clubbing with her daughter and all, she'd be quite a nice mum. Well, maybe aunt. Kat tries to persuade Rex to talk to Nicole, but he won't. He is too drunk, apparently. He acts out a phonecall to her. Hm. He seems to find it funny, but he wouldn't do if he knew why she was so upset. She goes into B Block and Rex hides behind a pillow. "Why you hide your face!" shrieks Kat.

Why indeed.

A quick look at BB then, if only to get the blog stats back up after I neglected WWM for a week, sitting about at home watching The Wire in my pants.

As usual, Big Brother is utter rubbish. At this stage of the game, as is usual, those who are tuning in are only doing so to vent at the Alpha Nob. 2008's winner of that prize this time round is an unpalatable little cock called Rex.

This weird little Popeye-like grunt was apparently born to a nouveau-riche father who owns a restaurant or two. As a result, Rex has found himself in a position to lead one of Pappy's ventures - and has been very vocal about the fact that his only reason for being in the imbecile-bungalow complex is to promote the eatery he'll be running when he's freed.

The problem there is that promotion usually involves charming folk to get them to turn up, rather than having people turn away in droves because the head honcho's a grade 'A' arsehole.

A quick look at Rex's embarassments:

A campaign of bragging about anything that comes to mind:
'We own three restaurants'. 'I've cooked for a million people'. 'These stupid silver shoes cost this much'. 'That manky white hoodie that looks like I found it in the bins outside New Look cost that much'. The twat never stops bragging. Which is weird, because looking at him, you don't feel anything close to jealousy. You just burst out laughing at his face, clothes and haircut.

Picking on a blind bloke:
If you want a couple of million people (that's probably what viewing figures have dwindled to) to think you're a complete tool, pick on the blind bloke. And do it despite the fact the blind bloke's proved he's got the measure of you and beats you in every argument. Furthermore, why not stick your tongue out at him while losing an argument? He can't see after all! You nob.

Having hair that's more ridiculous than Donald Trump's:
Is his barber having a laugh? Look at the fucking shape of it! Rex himself said that this cut is a mohican 'but it's just brushed to the side'. It doesn't look like that to me. It's more like an orange whelk-shell precariously balanced on top of his pointy skull. It makes him look like his brow is continually sliding down towards his mouth. The fucking cock. Even his girlfriend calls him a 'conehead'. Speaking of which...

His girlfriend:
Rex's girlfriend entered the BB house a couple of weeks ago. Before she turned up, Rex referred to her as his 'princess' and whined about how he was missing her. The night she arrived, you could see in his beady eyes that all his nightmares had come true. Not only was he going to get found out (that their relationship was a mess of childish bickering), but also the world would see that she wasn't quite the beauty he was making out, and more a sort of budget Paris Hilton with pebbles for teeth. And a voice that could strip paint.

Possibly her greatest moment was refusing to help (blind) Mikey sort out some burning sausages because she was having her hair done. It ought to be noted that her hair is a mess of singed extensions and the only way to get it 'done' would be to grade zero the entire bloody bush. Other finest moments occur every time Rex wants her attention. Instead of calling her name, he shouts 'OI'. What a gent.

Never-ending witless jabbering:
Every claim that's made, any anecdote that's told, Rex has done it, done it better, done it more obnoxiously, done it for free. Which is all very lovely for him, but doesn't stop the fact that he's a completely noxious bell-end.

If you're one of the strange breed that turns up for the evictions, don't boo the smug little twat. Just boot him. Seriously - kick him up the arse. It'd make bloody great TV.

We are down to 1 vehicle so somehow Kevin and I have to get the schedule just right.  Matty rides the short bus.  Rachel usually will walk and catch a bus but today I think we will take her.  We also take Lauren and Austin.  Of course all of this happens between 7:30 and 8:00. 

Nervous, nervous, nervous.

I'm worried Matty will have major meltdowns or just shut down and stare out the window.  I'm worried Rachel will get lost and be in a heap of tears.  I'm worried Austin and Lauren will get stuck with overbearing teachers and they will shut down and not try.  (Sigh)

I'll be better tonight when the school day is over.  Just a few short hours.

Rachel is teething, yesterday she had a 103 degree fever and she's been miserable the last two days.  Nothing I try will soothe her and she just cries the most heartbreaking cry.  I just wish there was something I could do to make her feel better.

Rex tells Nicole that he had a sexy dream about her, which is so HOT I have to pop off briefly. Mikey looks more and more like a hybrid fish-man, bald and slimy and with eyes that point off in random directions THOUGH I RECOGNISE THAT THIS LAST THING IS NOT HIS FAULT. Apparently, Rex is a credit-card or something, I don't know. I suspect he'll be up for eviction this week, and he WILL be leaving. In the diary room Rachel blathers on about something or other, and how glad she is to be in the house still. "Everyone seems really happy today," she says. UGH! Rex whistles at Nicole's bum. I really can't cope with this. "What do you think Nicole looks like?" Rex asks Mikey. "I don't know. I've felt her nose." The last thing Mikey ever saw was a Doctor with a mask over his face and a needle or something. Jesus. Imagine that image playing over and over. 

Sara talks about how, if the group went out when they get out of the house, she would "hook up" with them all. I'll bet she shops in Dorothy Perkins (Sorry, they've rebranded, haven't they?) DP. According to her, when you go out you pay to get into all your clubs and then pay for your tables and all that. Rex suggests that she's an idiot for paying for this stuff. In fairness, she is. Big Brother's Head Of House challenge this week is, yet again, destined to be a crushing failure as it involves making the housemates stand still for hours at a time, posing as statues. WHY DO YOU MAKE THEM STAND STILL? It isn't good TV! It's practically dead-air, Big Brother, and dead-air, as we know, is a crime. Nicole reads out the statues and artists behind them, and we discover that she cannot say foreign names with any skill. One of the statues is The Thinker, which, as Lisa points out, is ludicrously easy because it is sitting down. Eros is hardest as it involves standing on one leg. Nicole and Rex are doing The Kiss (UGH) and will be, therefore, kissing for hours today. Grunle.

(Why is it that The Ultimate R&B Anthems CD is always advertised during Big Brother?)

OH GOD A CLOSE UP OF MO MOHAMMED'S CROTCH. He moves, and that's it: Rex is the new Head Of House, meaning - canny this - he cannot be nominated this week, and so we have to cope with him for another week. Rex is called to the Diary Room in his costume, which is basically some pants. "Don't let it out!" yells Kat, referring to his willy. On his own, in the bedroom, Mo Mohammed does a moonwalk, whistles and then does a little twirl. The housemates speak about some stuff that they love about themselves. Rex mentions his skills, likeability and sexiness. Nicole looks a bit sick, actually. Mikey then mentions his most embarrassing moment which, as best I can tell, involves him waving his cock at an awards ceremony. Next, Katreys sings Agadoo, and then wishes that she knew the words. Somebody knows them, though: Try and Guess WHO!

THAT'S RIGHT! Lisa sings the words and jumps about a bit. Mo Mohammed talks about wearing a shirt, and Sara somehow takes this to mean sex. He thinks she's frustrated. "I can go without it," she says. Mo asks if she fancies Stuart, Darnell and himself. She says that she hates it when people "gang up" on her. I reckon she's lying. She loves a gang, I think. She looks the sort. Shops at Dorothy Perkins DP, don't forget.

The housemates pretend to be Big Brother, but act like they have never spoken to Big Brother before. I don't know. It's as dull as flooring. Why does Darnell rock constantly? It's creepy. Anyway, in bed Rex and Nicole don't have a wank but talk about how liked or disliked she is. "You've doubted me from the very first day," Nicole says, and she finally breaks and tells him that she knows about the "shit" that he's done to to her - or, more realistically, the shit he's done to a stripper in Vegas and another girl in London. "How can you be so horrible?" asks Rex, the man who has cheated on her multiple times and acts like a spoilt baby constantly. Pathetically he makes this about himself and gets out of bed. Plonker. In the living room Rex blames his being a cock on her not wanting to have fun. I don't know, Rex, I don't know. I think you need to try to work out what she could have found out - you know, sleeping with that stripper must be pretty hard to recall - and then maybe act accordingly. Sara goes off to bed early, hugging Mo on the way. I was hoping to make a third DP joke here, but there isn't on: instead, he just gives her the thumbs up, and that one has just written itself.

Nicole thinks Kat is childish, which is ironic. OMG, I think Rex shaves his armpits. How weird. I was watching the Olympics this morning, and was interested to note that German and Brazilian male gymnasts shaved their armpits, whereas Chinese, Japanese and Russian male gymnasts did not. So, perhaps Rex is German or Brazilian. I don't know where I'm going with this. Nicole admits that she is spoilt whilst in the diary room. Oh, really? I hadn't noticed.

The housemates don their cleaning overalls for the weeky clean of the house. I bet the BB house smells a bit. I bet the toilet is abhorrent. Mo smokes whilst cleaning, which is de rigeur for the cleaner I keep seeing in my local city centre, but apparently this is not allowed. Later, Darnell has his bath. Rex fiddles with Nicole's boobs. OH THIS IS SO EROTIC GIVE ME A MINUTE WHILE I HAVE A LIE DOWN. Ugh, as if. They are the least sexy couple after Lisa and Mario I have ever seen on TV.

Whoever survives Friday's eviction will get a 'favourite things' party. Rachel is asked what her favourite music is. "Britney Spears," she exclaims, which would be fine except she follows this statement with "You know that one, I Love Rock and Roll?" UGH. Why does she have no general knowledge of anything? Do you remember when she said there were 52 days in a year? Well, I do. Big Bother hates things like that. HATES THEM.

Oh dear. Lisa is probably safest sunbathing in the garden, even though she jumps as NOTHING flies past her, because in the main house Nicole declares there should be capital punishment in the UK. Darnell knows someone who has 20 life sentences, "to set an example". I wonder what this 'friend' of Darnell's actually did? n the bedroom, Rachel discloses that she used to dream of being in BB. Did she dream of embarrassing herself on BB because she is boring and stupid, and thus losing her job in the real world? No? Oh well. Mikey has named Nicole "Nippy Nicole". This is nothing to do with her breasts, and everything to do with Mikey, a la Kevin Bishop, thinking that a stupid word = funny, even if the content is not. Kat and Stu do weights in the pool. "I'm gon be size 6!" shrieks Kat, but I think this must either be a lie or a joke. Sara plucks Stu's eyebrows whilst lying on top of him. He says he's scared, but I think some other part of him in as unscared as it's possible to be.

Kat gives Rex some relationship advice. Nicole never cooks for him. Oh, boo hoo. "You should have a chat about it," says Kat. "She only gets worse!" says Rex. "You have to compromise," says Kat. UGH. Poor Kat. She is being very sensible whilst all Rex says is a nonsense. If Nicole is as bad as he says, why stay with her? "I've broken up with her twice before," he says. That is no excuse to go back, right? This is like Stu going on about wanting to leave the house, when clearly he wants (wanted!) to win. Now Nicole is in the bedroom with Rex. "Stop making me look bad. I'm not a wife who does everything for a man." Nicole is only 19. I feel oddly sorry for her. "A relationship's never going to be perfect, Rex." "You're not willing to change!" Rex says to his bedding. Oh oh oh what is the point? Nicole's entry into the house was a pointless venture, unless the producers knew that it would make Rex look bad and they didn't want him to win.

The reward for the housemates' cleaning session (eh? I don't get rewarded for dusting an vacuuming!) is a bath hamper, full of delights. The products must be returned after the eviction. So of course, they tw8t about with all the products. HOW HIRARIOUS. Darnell gets new hair, a beard, and some eyebrows from his shaving foam. Kat's boob falls out of her bikini and Darnell and Mikey share a bath and loofah each others' heads. If you hadn't seen this, you'd think I was making it up, right? Well, I'm not. Waiting for the eviction results, Rex and Nicole argue because Nicole won't tell Rex anything about what the press have been saying about him and her. I think he was accusing her of seeing other people or people selling their stories about them, but unhelpfully, the powers that be have cut the conversation that led to the fall-out.

Anyway, finally, Stuart leaves. "More of Wales must have TVs than I thought," says Rex. What the hell is Lisa wearing? Some kind of orange gogo dress with lace tights - she looks like a circus hooker. Nicole tells Rex, in a bad move, that she wanted Stu to stay over Rachel. "Why would you say that?" he flares. Now Rachel is getting her 'favourite things' party. She must pick her favourite housemates to join her. She picks Kat, and they allez off to the BB discotheque. It is a room plastered with vile coloured tiles and full of food. Marmite sandwiches. Chicken. Weird. Rachel and Kat dance together and by themselves. It's an odd and somewhat frightening, soulless sight. The smokers discuss who Sara fancies, out of Mo and Darnell. "I think it's me, 'cos you kissed me," says Mo. Later, BB asks Sara if she'll miss Stu. UGH. He's gone. Let's just leave it. Nicole and Rex are w8nking under the covers again. All's well that ends wet well, huh?

By the way, sorry for the lateness of this post. I was crying over Stuart busy.

Along with getting ready for school is one of things I like to do most-shopping! I've bought a few clothes. Skinny jeans is being one of them. I like them better than flare b/c I feel as if flare leg swallows me since I'm not very tall...at all. I've bought a few shirts too-one that I just got an hour or two ago is by Kimora Lee Simmon's new line for juniors called Fabulousity. I really like Kimora's stuff so I really wanted a top by her brand when I heard about it. (Kimora has her own makeup brand and I love the blush! It has a sparkle to it unlike other blushes I've tried. In the sun your cheeks look sparkly and rosy. Plus it lasts and doesn't fade.) Now I just need a few more shirts since I usually go shopping throughout the year, I don't like to buy a LOT at the beginning of the year. Then a pair of shoes maybe (I'll use last year's since they look well kept still.) I'm not usually one who tosses out last year's just stuff just cuz its from "last year". I'll use something for as long as I can. I don't throw $$$ away so why clothes-especially if they're still in "brand new" condition?

You know those people who are like, "Well I'm not __(add in any label or style of dressing)___ anymore so I'm gonna get new clothes to be _____."? How do they do that? I guess if you have a lot of $$ or are changing to be a little more cleaned up if you were scruffy or didn't shower much. Good stuff but not changing cuz everyone else is. I don't label myself in any way. I buy what I like not what my magazines or other people like. Well if another person likes it and I'm crazy for it too then yes. But I don't call myself a label or stereotype. I'm just Rachel. Anyway, I'll blog more later. I know its been almost 2 weeks since I've blogged. Oopsie? I gotta clean up my room now and call my sister before I go to bed. Then its a whole new week to finish school shopping cuz ready or not schools coming.

Writing about it makes me a little jittery and superstitious, though. I need to knock on wood or something!

Sunday was the first of the outdoor outings after the Arboretum. Michael and I met my high school friend Rachel (now Doctor Rachel at the UCLA Medical Center) and her boyfriend Ian at the Rose Bowl Flea Market, an enormous once-a-month flea market held in the parking lot of the Rose Bowl. We stayed on the outskirts, where most of the vintage/antique tents are (the newer stuff is all in the center); we were there for almost three hours and didn't even look at a third of what was there because it was just so overwhelming and hot. One of my first impressions of the flea market was that 16-year-old Lindsey would have died of happiness--vintage rhinestone jewelry! Old pinup pictures! Lots of stuff that fit my high school aesthetic! 27-year-old Lindsey, however, was trying to be really selective and choosy about what I got, to avoid cluttering up the apartment. The items I wanted: vintage silver jewelry, a desk for the living room, and a narrow chair for my makeup table. Michael was looking for Zippo lighters and an ashtray. We both found something: the perfect chair for me, and a California lighter for him. I can't wait to go back some time when it gets cooler, because I could happily spend all day looking at everything and finding all sorts of treasures (vintage kitchenware was something I didn't even know I wanted...but I do now!). But on Sunday, when the temperature was in the mid 90s and Michael and I were both wearing jeans, we had to duck out around 1:00. We went to South Pasadena and ate lunch at Charlie's Trio, where we both had delicious meals and watched some Olympic water polo, then it was over to Bristol Farms so I could pick up some prosciutto and arugala, two things that are almost impossible to find in Covina.

On Tuesday, I had another solo outing, this time to the Natural History Museum. It was my first time driving into LA on my own--my previous solo outings have been limited to the Pasadena area, where I'm a little more comfortable. And I will say: all the rumors you've heard about California/Los Angeles drivers being crazy are true. Braking for no reason? Sure, why not! Abrupt lane changes? All the time! Either going really fast or really slow? Yeah! Plus, the roads are in terrible shape, and there are traffic jams at all hours of the day, so it makes for a bumpy and fraught ride. I'm sure I'll get more accustomed to it as I go, but it's still a little daunting right now.

The Natural History Museum was on my list because of their temporary "Pavilion of Wings" butterfly garden and because I am a sucker for anything dinosaur-related (I never quite grew out of my second-grade obsession with dinosaurs, where the teacher would defer to me because I knew how to pronounce the name of every dinosaur). I went to the butterfly garden first, which was pretty. I was the only lone girl/person there, though--it was me, alone, surrounded by tons of kids and their families. I like going places on my own, though--I can look at whatever I want, stop when I want, and set my own pace. I definitely wanted Taya with me, because I know she would have loved it (especially the Ancient Latin America exhibit), but going it alone was just fine. I went to every single exhibit, but the best ones were the mammal halls, where they have taxidermied animals set up in individual dioramas made to look like their natural habitats. It's surreal, impressive, and a little creepy! The Hall of Birds was pretty awesome, too--walls full of glass cases stuffed with taxidermied birds. I knew my mom would have loved it, so I took my time and found my new favorite bird: the Secretarybird! I love its name, but doing a little Google research only reinforced my newfound appreciation for that bird. The dinosaur offerings were pretty slim, as their major exhibit is closed for renovation until 2010. I got to see a few skeletons, and the "Thomas the T-Rex" lab allowed you to look at scientists as they restored some T-rex fossils...that sounds much more interesting than it actually was. I spent about four hours there total, and by the end of it my feet were so sore and I was pretty exhausted!

Wednesday was a "rest day" for me, because I knew Thursday would be intense: finally, I made it to the Huntington! This time, though, I had a companion: Michael's friend Morgan, who I met a few weeks ago when she hosted a dinner party at her apartment. We immediately got along really well, and we made plans to go somewhere together. Since I was unsuccessful in my first trip, I wanted to go there again, and she hadn't been in years...so the Huntington it was! Because I'd already made a failed attempt, I knew exactly how to get there, and as I drove in I was greeted by the cutest old gate guard ever. He welcomed me by saying, "You just made my day with how beautiful you are! You're so pretty!" Awww! Then he waxed effusive about how perfect the day was to see the gardens and said, "And the estate is lovely! When I grow up, I'm going to have a house just like that!" (He was definitely in his seventies, if not his eighties.) He was adorable! Morgan and I met up right as it opened, and we headed towards the desert garden to separate ourselves from the giant group of tourists. The above picture was taken in the desert garden, of the most beautiful cactus blossom I've ever seen! Several cacti were in bloom, which I loved, but that one (called, fittingly, "April Dawn") was by far my favorite.

The Huntington gardens span 120 acres, so we didn't see everything...but we made a good effort! After the desert gardens, we went to the Japanese gardens, which were under a bit of construction. Then we took a detour through the rose gardens, which were impressive and fragrant. Then it was time for an air-conditioning break inside the Huntington Art Gallery, where the European art was housed (we bypassed the American art), because we were pretty exhausted from being in the heat (Morgan more than me, because at least I had the parasol! She was in the direct sun, which I can't even fathom.). It wasn't too crowded in there, and they provided free audio guides (nice touch). After that, we had two main goals: the Boone Gallery, where the "This Side of Paradise: Body and Landscape in L.A. Photographs" exhibition was (one of the main reasons I wanted to go to the Huntington to begin with), and the Chinese Gardens. I loved the photography exhibit, which spanned the late 1800s to the present, with everything from the Rodney King aftermath to Marilyn Monroe to Herb Ritts' photographs to Catherine Opie's famous self-portrait. After that second air-conditioning break, our last main stop was the Chinese Gardens, which just opened in May of this year. It was pretty and impressive (=pretty impressive?), but the best part might have been the little cafe where we both got some water. By that time, Morgan and I were both exhausted and hot, with sore feet to boot, so we were ready to make our way back to the exit to head to Pie 'n Burger for a late lunch. First, we made a stop by the Conservatory to check out the tropical forest, the cloud forest, and the bog. Being inside where the humidity was manufactured made me feel like I was back in Florida again, where the thick air feels like a smothering blanket. The highlight of the Conservatory was definitely the carnivorous plants, of which I can never get enough (and it's rare to see a sundew, one of my favorites!).

After spending about four hours at the Huntington, much of that time spent in the blazing heat, Morgan and I we were more than ready for some sustenance in the form of pie. Pie 'n Burger was voted "Best Pie in L.A." according to Los Angeles magazine, and that was our goal. The burgers looked delicious, but I didn't want to waste any precious space in my stomach that would inhibit my pie-eating, so I just had a salad. They earned bonus points by putting a generous helping of sliced dill pickles on their salads, and the ranch dressing was tasty. But the pie? OMG, the pie was so good. While we were eating, someone came in and picked up a peach pie to go, so I got to see what it looked like: a big heaping mound in the middle of fresh peaches, so I couldn't get it out of my head. After I ordered it, however, the waitress came back and said, "The peach pie we have left doesn't look good, and I'm not going to serve anything I don't like the look of!" So I went with the ollallieberry pie instead, and I think that might have been the best choice: it was sweet with a hint of tartness, the gelatin was light, and crust was flaky and melt-in-mouthy. Seriously, it took me about three minutes to gobble up this piece of pie, and I wanted MORE MORE MORE.

Then I went home and about died of heatstroke, immediately shedding my sweaty clothes, taking a barely-lukewarm shower, and flopping on the couch to wallow in my exhaustion. Whew! But most of the outdoor destinations are out of the way now...next on my list are many of the big art galleries, like the Getty, MOCA, and LACMA. All air-conditioned! My skin is breathing a sigh of relief.

En proceso de limpieza..(Misión Imposible 4)

para los que no creían:

If you're a Rachel Ray fan, and who isn't, you can stop reading now and logon with your favorite bookseller to order JUST HEAT IT UP! If you're not already hip to this cutting edge pop culture icon, now is the time to get on the bus and join the USA's leading TV chef in her goal to empower everyone in America.

Your parents cooked along such culinary stars as Julia Child, but let's be honest, who has the willpower to actually produce full course meals in today's mile-a-minute, fast-paced world?

And that's where modern day heroes like Rachel Ray come to our rescue. Already a staple on The Food Network, Ray will feature filmed segments on her wildly popular TV show that help to get the point of JUST HEAT IT UP! across to a hungry America.

"What we have here from Rachel in her latest book is something that we believe has it's finger on the pulse of the country today," said Brad Snellenburger-Jones, a development executive with publisher Double House Press.

"It's time for the stigma of not cooking and relying on pre-packaged food to be banished in this country. What Rachel Ray is saying is that it's okay to stand up and say 'I don't cook' without the shame that usually comes with such a bold proclamation.

"And contrary to what all those government health agencies are saying, it's not a bad thing to eat the kind of food that Rachel talks about in JUST HEAT IT UP. I mean, this country's post-war expansion was built upon high fat, high salt, preservative laden meals and we just think it's time to stop acting like it's a bad thing."

"Get Rex Out!" chant the unwashed masses. Hang on. What? Stuart gets cheers and Rachel gets boos? What? Have I missed something? We here at BB towers have apparently called this one completely wrong. I am changing my vote! Rachel is clearly leaving, I suspect, as I have always suspected! She's awful, isn't she? With those ways she's really nice? God, what a c*nt. 

Oh my word, Nicole is so freckly! I think she covers those with makeup, because you know what they say: Freckles = [insert offensive comment here]! And she doesn't want that! What she does want, however, is some tights instead of food. Black tights. Hang on! Comedy is at a peak! Hold the Kevin Bishop Show, Channel 4: we've found something funnier, and it is Rex in a Borat swimming costume saying Borat catchphrases! (I'm using a lot of exclamation marks tonight.) Is nice! My wife, she is very fat! Yakshema! Etc. Apparently Mo Mohammed has changed to get nominated. IF YOU WANT TO LEAVE JUST BLOODY LEAVE. Oh, wait, you want your week of Little Brother, right? Of course. FFS. Rex wants his ego buffed, so he asks if Stu is the best looking male housemate. Answer: Yes. Sara then admits that she fancies Stu - or, sorry, wants to "kiss him", because we live in some crazy world where we are all 14 years old - and then Mo Mohammed shouts it through the loudhailer and she acts all shy. 

(Channel 4 promo-watch: HA HA! Vaginas that look like a cauliflower! I'm not laughing at that, per se, but really, a vagina is a vagina, right?)

Katreya is saying a prayer to Mister Swan. "Show me where the exit are, give me the light to where everything is." Apparently she has been in the house for too long, and, being one of the heathen Easterns, has turned to the false idol of the golden swan tap. Coincidentally, that's the same deity we worship at BB towers. LIsa makes us some shit about how wasps will kill her because she has spoken to some nurses. "It's how much they sting into you," she says, "some wasps are the equivalent of the rattlesnake." HA HA! says Rex, "Rattlesnakes are 1000 times worse than a wasp!" "What's the worst snake then?" asks Lisa. "The cobra," she is informed. "Well, she says, "it's the same as a cobra then." MISTER SWAN, GIVE ME STRENGTH! 

Rex now has paranoia that Nicole wearing heels makes him look like a dick. No, Rex: being a dick is what does that. Stu thinks that the only reason he is up for eviction is because he asked to be, and seems convinced that he's staying. They are reading far, far too much into this all. Kat and Mo Mohammed are sent to jail for some conversation where Mo talked about tripping people up. Oh, whatevs. WHATEVS. Sara is flirting for money with Stuart, and it's a bit dull. Rex bans Mo from drinking because he is prison. I don't know, I really don't. 

There is now another argument - THIRD PISSING DAY! - about some cider that was accidentally drunk. I shan't be mentioning it any more, unless said argument leads to murder or suicide or sex. Or, preferably, all 3.

(Advert watch: Why, exactly, did David Beckham feel that he didn't have enough money, and so signed up to do an awful advert for a pen? I'll bet that was one of Posh's ideas. Or maybe he just really likes that brand?)

I'm still not writing about the cider incident. I wonder why Rex likes cider so much? Do you think Nicole like cider? Maybe Rex likes putting things in cider? I'll bet he likes putting cooking utensils in cider. He probably likes putting his spatula in cider. Or some sausages, Rex probably likes, when he's with Nicole, putting some sausages in cider.

Speaking of which, Mo Mohammed claims that the reason he cannot escape from the prison is because he has big ribs. Yeah, Mo: That's right.

Anyway, Bohemian Rhapsody is played into the house, and Rachel doesn't know the words. Stuart does, as you'd expect really, from all those times he's heard it played as the final song on a night out to his local Flares, and he sings along like a wannabe-Rock-twunt. There's barely a hint of Wayne's World irony, even! Shocking. Not shocking: Lisa's dancing. She pogos up and down with no expression on her face like a jack in the box.

Davina is about to announce who is leaving! (Rachel.) It's very tense! (Rachel.) God, it's tense! (Rachel.) IT'S STUART! I thought it would be all along. I was only joking about it being Rachel.