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<channel>
	<title>shoulda &amp;laquo; WordPress.com Tag Feed</title>
	<link>http://wordpress.com/tag/shoulda/</link>
	<description>Feed of posts on WordPress.com tagged "shoulda"</description>
	<pubDate>Tue, 14 Oct 2008 04:44:42 +0000</pubDate>

	<generator>http://wordpress.com/tags/</generator>
	<language>en</language>

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<title><![CDATA[Test All The Fuckin Time]]></title>
<link>http://queroseragil.wordpress.com/?p=145</link>
<pubDate>Thu, 28 Aug 2008 14:55:40 +0000</pubDate>
<dc:creator>Rafael Mueller</dc:creator>
<guid>http://queroseragil.fr.wordpress.com/2008/08/28/test-all-the-fuckin-time/</guid>
<description><![CDATA[Test All The Fucking Time é o título de uma Lightning Talk que Brian Liles fez na Ruby Hoedown 200]]></description>
<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p><a href="http://rubyhoedown2008.confreaks.com/05-bryan-liles-lightning-talk-tatft-test-all-the-f-in-time.html" target="_blank">Test All The Fucking Time</a> é o título de uma <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lightning_Talk" target="_blank">Lightning Talk</a> que <a href="http://smartic.us/" target="_blank">Brian Liles</a> fez na <a href="http://www.rubyhoedown.com/" target="_blank">Ruby Hoedown 2008</a>.</p>
<p>São apenas 12 minutos, onde a mensagem principal é: Test All The Fucking Time!</p>
<p>Vale a pena assitir!</p>
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<title><![CDATA[Poultry, Starch, Veg]]></title>
<link>http://thedinnerhour.wordpress.com/?p=48</link>
<pubDate>Sat, 28 Jun 2008 01:14:26 +0000</pubDate>
<dc:creator>thedinnerhour</dc:creator>
<guid>http://thedinnerhour.fr.wordpress.com/2008/06/28/poultry-starch-veg/</guid>
<description><![CDATA[Menu: Chipotle-stuffed turkey burgers * sweet potato oven fries with chipotle ketchup * sauteed spin]]></description>
<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>Menu: Chipotle-stuffed turkey burgers * sweet potato oven fries with chipotle ketchup * sauteed spinach</p>
<p>Burgers<br />
Ground turkey<br />
Sea salt<br />
Garlic<br />
Chipotle peppers in adobo</p>
<p>Mix pack of ground turkey with sea salt and garlic. Shape into patties; cut in half horizontally and place a small chipotle in the center. Grill until done. During last few minutes. add reduced-fat Mexican cheese on top to melt.</p>
<p>Fries:<br />
Cook sweet potato oven fries according to package (I used Alexia frozen ones; 425 for 20 minutes). </p>
<p>Chipotle ketchup:<br />
Chop two chipotle peppers in small bowl; add some of adobe sauce. Mix with tomato ketchup to taste; add 2 tsp balsamic vinegar.</p>
<p>Spinach:<br />
Heat 2 T olive oil in large non-stick skillet/wok, on high. Add baby spinach; saute until wilted. Grind sea salt and garlic over.</p>
<p>Would I make it again?<br />
Not quite the same way. The chipotle was too hot, though M liked it a lot. I might stuff cheese with the chipotle. I might just use the chipotle ketchup and leave out the pepper entirely. I'd also wanted to make a jicama-Granny Smith slaw or other salad, but ran out of time and energy. Big afternoon at work, pretty tired. So glad to sleep in in the morning.</p>
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<title><![CDATA[Screencast - TDD, BDD e Shoulda]]></title>
<link>http://queroseragil.wordpress.com/?p=122</link>
<pubDate>Mon, 02 Jun 2008 20:24:44 +0000</pubDate>
<dc:creator>Rafael Mueller</dc:creator>
<guid>http://queroseragil.fr.wordpress.com/2008/06/02/screencast-tdd-bdd-e-shoulda/</guid>
<description><![CDATA[Acabei de assistir a apresentação que Tammer Saleh (criador do shoulda) deu na RubyConf desse ano.]]></description>
<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>Acabei de assistir a <a href="http://mwrc2008.confreaks.com/12saleh.html" target="_self">apresentação</a> que <span class="caption"><a href="http://tammersaleh.com/" target="_blank">Tammer Saleh</a> (criador do <a href="http://thoughtbot.com/projects/shoulda" target="_blank">shoulda</a>) deu na <a href="http://mtnwestrubyconf.org/" target="_blank">RubyConf</a> desse ano.</span></p>
<p>Ele começa a apresentação comentando sobre o <a href="http://thoughtbot.com/projects/shoulda" target="_blank">shoulda</a> e somente por isso você já deveria assistir, <a href="http://thoughtbot.com/projects/shoulda" target="_blank">shoulda</a> é bem interessante, pretendo começar a utilizá-lo logo.</p>
<p>Contudo, o melhor vem depois que ele faz a apresentação do que é e como funciona o shoulda. Tammer fala sobre alguns assuntos que envolvem TDD/BDD, como a utilização ou não de fixtures, cenários com fixtures, whitebox tests x blackbox tests entre outros.</p>
<p>Vale a pena ouvir as dicas e conselhos que Tammer dá <a href="http://mwrc2008.confreaks.com/12saleh.html" target="_blank">nesse screencast</a>.</p>
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<title><![CDATA[FAVORITE THINGS I NEVER GET TO DO]]></title>
<link>http://dweebness.wordpress.com/?p=30</link>
<pubDate>Thu, 01 May 2008 11:45:05 +0000</pubDate>
<dc:creator>Mitch</dc:creator>
<guid>http://dweebness.fr.wordpress.com/2008/05/01/favorite-things-i-never-get-to-do/</guid>
<description><![CDATA[Have you also wondered what could have been if you thought differently, wanted different things or l]]></description>
<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p style="text-align:justify;">Have you also wondered what could have been if you thought differently, wanted different things or lived a different life? With so many things that I wanted to do, I think that if I developed an interest or devoted time in doing something else, I can be really good at it. Like if I developed an interest in swimming. Or if I didn't hate math so much or I didn't turn my back on science. It's always that nagging feeling of "so many things to do, so little time," that it makes you wonder what if you actually <em>just do it</em>.</p>
<p style="text-align:justify;">I believe we do certain things because it's either what we want or it's easier that way. But isn't it interesting that there are so many other cool things one could venture at if given the talent, the desire, the time and the appropriate passion for it?</p>
<p style="text-align:justify;">Here are six things that I would have love to do if the gods of fate pushed me in the right direction:</p>
<p style="text-align:justify;"><img src="http://i29.photobucket.com/albums/c275/fallencritic/medium_brandon-boyd-02.jpg" alt="" width="325" height="450" /></p>
<p style="text-align:justify;">6. Play the guitar.</p>
<p style="text-align:justify;">I think it's safe to say that everyone who has ears loves music. But not everyone loves music and feels frustrated at not being to play it at the same time. Maybe I can sing a tune, yes, but I've always wanted to play the guitar. For me, the guitar is the most powerful and most convenient of all musical instruments because you can have it with you anytime you want. And I'm all for power and convenience. Plus most, if not all, great songs of all time are guitar-aided, which is great. Another thing is, girls are easily swooned by guys who can play the guitar compared to the one, let's say, playing the cello, the maracas or the trombone. Although swooning girls isn't exactly a venture I'd want to  try. Last time I checked, I still like men. :P<!--more--></p>
<p style="text-align:justify;">Maybe  it's because my family isn't exactly musically-inclined that's why it's been such a sad solo plight of mine. It's actually a surprise that I was able to develop such a keen interest in music when no one in my family cares if you have toys for your first piano and guitar (so sad.) For them, music isn't really something you should be obsessed about. Which I'm wholeheartedly <span style="text-decoration:underline;">not</span> supporting. You don't know how many times my mom gets pissed off everytime she talks and then she sees that I have my earphones stuck in my ears (not that I do that deliberately :P Hey, I'm focused!) Or every time I turn the volume of the speakers high enough to be heard by the neighbors which are actually miles away from us. My excuse is, and I think it's valid, <em>I always set the volume of the music according to how I want to enjoy it.</em> Which of course my mom will never understand. Anyhoo, I actually long for the moment when my mom gets to be mad at me because I play the guitar all the time. Hehe Or we don't need for anyone to be mad. Just help me play that effing guitar!</p>
<p style="text-align:justify;"><span style="text-decoration:line-through;">(Someone actually promised to teach me  but that someone is out of my life so...it's his fault, not mine.)</span></p>
<p style="text-align:justify;"><img src="http://i29.photobucket.com/albums/c275/fallencritic/Drive.jpg" alt="" width="300" height="233" /></p>
<p style="text-align:justify;">5. Drive.</p>
<p style="text-align:justify;">It would have been really great if I know how to drive a car. I could take myself to places without having to depend on someone to do it for me. Or depend my time according to one's availability. I could invite my friends to go anywhere we want and then we could chip in for gas to lessen my expenses. Maybe we'll find a hot hitchhiker in the process to share some awesome time with. Ö But sadly, I don't think I'll be able to do this since 1. I'm a nervous wreck. 2. I'm not very good with confrontations (especially with traffic patrols) 3.  I tend to become absent-minded especially when I'm distracted 4. I think parking is the one practical art I can't do (yes, it's that complicated for me. Valets are expensive.) 5. I'd be totally <span style="text-decoration:line-through;">frantic</span> helpless if I get stranded or I get a flat tire or the machine dies on me. 6. I'm not even good at bump cars!</p>
<p style="text-align:justify;"><img src="http://i29.photobucket.com/albums/c275/fallencritic/Dr_House_WIP_4_by_Cataclysm_X.jpg" alt="" width="300" height="437" /></p>
<p style="text-align:justify;">4. Work in the medical field.</p>
<p style="text-align:justify;">During my grade school years, I've always excelled in my Science classes. Biology (aside from Physics) was my most favorite subject. I even represented our school for a National Young Scientist quiz bee once (although I wasn't able to advance in the regional round. :D) In short, I used to rock as a science geek. My former teachers actually expected I'd take a pre-med course in college and I'd go on to become a doctor. But then HS happened. I found myself liking other things. Even though most of my classmates thought our Biology teacher was hot, it wasn't enough to get me hooked to it again. But it would've been nice if I were in the medical field. I mean, I had the initial desire. I think I would've been good at it. I would've helped my father quit smoking (because her daughter who's a doctor says so.) I'm not <span style="text-decoration:line-through;">deathly afraid</span> scared of blood and needles and human guts popping out anyway. (Okay, who am I kidding?) But then again, I'm not exactly good with my hands. I'm a super klutz. I'll never do well with scalpels. And opening people up to save their lives. Plus, when a patient dies on my table, I'd probably think his ghost would haunt me for the rest of my life and I don't think it's something that I have the energy to deal with.</p>
<p style="text-align:justify;"><img src="http://i29.photobucket.com/albums/c275/fallencritic/Chaoscope__s_Interface_Language_by_.jpg" alt="" width="300" height="217" /></p>
<p style="text-align:justify;">3. Learn to speak another language</p>
<p style="text-align:justify;">You'd think this one's not too late since many people take time to enroll in Instituto Cervantes or any other schools that teach romantic languages here in the country. Plus I was able to learn elementary and intermediate Spanish for two semesters (which unfortunately was not at all helpful.) But I would've loved it if I pursued to learn French, Italian, Spanish or German when I was much younger. Because it's faster to learn that way. Plus the overzealousness of a child beats a young adult trying to make up for lost time.</p>
<p style="text-align:justify;"><img src="http://i29.photobucket.com/albums/c275/fallencritic/Geek_by_Rizeru_chan.jpg" alt="" /></p>
<p style="text-align:justify;">2. Be computer savvy.</p>
<p style="text-align:justify;">I hated MS-DOS. I thought it was utterly useless. And then forcing students to spend an hour everyday to deal with a black screen and stupid commands made it even worse for me. But then the computer world has improved immensely over the years. And it has become this complicated yet beautiful thing that you'd want to get to know better. If only these awesome things were available back then, I would've been more attentive. Today, it's not so cool when all you know are basic Office stuff with a touch of Paint. It's much better if one knows a few cool tricks like building your own website much like the best websites to date. Or creating a social network like MySpace or Facebook that has overpowered the test of common web knowledge. It's definitely so much cooler when you become computer pioneers--who gets to create softwares or start web applications and trends for worldwide consumption. Like the next Jerry Yang and David Filo or the next Larry Page and Sergey Brin. If we could turn back time, highschool-themed movies will be so much different. The geeks would be the bullies and would definitely get the prettiest girls.</p>
<p style="text-align:justify;"><img src="http://i29.photobucket.com/albums/c275/fallencritic/Pablopicasso.jpg" alt="" width="298" height="367" /></p>
<p style="text-align:justify;">1. Be artistic.</p>
<p style="text-align:justify;">I never enjoyed our Art classes back in the day because I knew I couldn't draw well to save my life. But if I actually took time to enjoy it back then, I knew I can do it. Right now, I've been contented at admiring the works of the great artists I know. I find their work really romantic. Artists have this sense of individuality that I also find really attractive. It's like they live for self-expression. And to be able to sketch or paint a picture so wonderful, you'd think it's real, is just real talent for me.</p>
<p style="text-align:justify;">Maybe it's not too late. Now if I can just draw a cat without it looking like a shoe, I'll be all set. :)</p>
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<title><![CDATA[what doesn't kill me]]></title>
<link>http://whatdoesntkillme.wordpress.com/?p=88</link>
<pubDate>Sat, 05 Apr 2008 16:55:21 +0000</pubDate>
<dc:creator>wordsplay</dc:creator>
<guid>http://whatdoesntkillme.fr.wordpress.com/2008/04/05/what-doesnt-kill-me-81/</guid>
<description><![CDATA[could raise my google page rank
]]></description>
<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>could raise my google page rank</p>
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<title><![CDATA[Don't do the Should'a, Could'a, Would'a]]></title>
<link>http://wysiwyghome.wordpress.com/?p=68</link>
<pubDate>Tue, 04 Mar 2008 05:45:45 +0000</pubDate>
<dc:creator>gazowsky</dc:creator>
<guid>http://wysiwyghome.wordpress.com/2008/03/04/dont-do-the-shoulda-coulda-woulda/</guid>
<description><![CDATA[by Rob Castro Jr.
My wife and I were in a church service one day.  The youth pastor preached a sermo]]></description>
<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>by Rob Castro Jr.</p>
<p>My wife and I were in a church service one day.  The youth pastor preached a sermon that encouraged people to "do the perfect will of God over the acceptable will of God".  We had no idea that this encouraging sermon would influence a life changing decision one month later.<!--more--></p>
<p>WYSIWYG had begun production on a movie titled "The Roman Trilogy".  As an intern, I was introduced to the concept of sound design for this film.  I began using my part-time intern hours to design the sound effects of "The Roman Trilogy".  This became difficult to do while maintaining a part time job at CompUSA as a computer technician.  I was also a newlywed trying to spend quality time with my wife Melissa.</p>
<p>After six months of marriage, I received notice that I was laid off from my job at CompUSA.  This was extremely odd since I had seniority and a good work record.  I accepted the fact that God allowed this to happen.  I took advantage of being laid off to work full-time at WYSIWYG.</p>
<p>About this time, WYSIWYG decided to take its interns on a trip to L.A. to visit a few companies in the film industry.  I gladly went.  During this trip, Richard Gazowsky, president of WYSIWYG, initiated a visit to Genex Audio.  Richard felt lead by the Holy Spirit to record film audio at the highest resolution possible.  Through our research we found that the highest audio resolution possible is a digital format called DSD. At the time, Genex Audio was the only company in the world that made a DSD recorder.</p>
<p>As usual, it was a sunny day on Santa Monica Blvd. in Southern California.  As my wife and I crossed the busy street, we had no idea that this meeting would result in the development of several audio products that are bound to change the film industry.</p>
<p>After the meeting, as we drove home to San Francisco, I felt like I had been to heaven on earth and back.  I could not imagine going back to work at CompUSA.</p>
<p>I had a doctor's visit a few days after returning home.  While my wife and I were waiting to see the doctor, my cell phone rang.  It was my boss at CompUSA offering me my job back.  Literately 10 seconds later I received another phone call.  It was a well-known recording engineer, Mike Pappas of Colorado.  Mike heard that I was inquiring about DSD recording.  He invited me to the University of Michigan to join him in the control room while he recorded the Count Basie Band in DSD 5.1 surround sound.</p>
<p>I realized that these two phone calls were timed perfectly by God.  I felt that the two choices were weights on a balance scale waiting for me to choose which one weighed more.  Truthfully, I could have requested time off from CompUSA to go to Michigan for the recording.  But I knew that this was the time to choose whether or not I would pursue my passion of audio design full-time; if not, I would be taking time off work for certain WYSIWYG events for the rest of my life.</p>
<p>During the course of the next few days, I told my wife that I believed this was God's time for me to work full-time at WYSIWYG.  My wife did not agree.  Then one day while she was alone in our apartment, she felt God's presence and heard Him say, "If you don't do my will now, then when will you do it?"  I arrived home from a day of work at WYSIWYG and my wife told me what God had said to her.  We immediately went to go pray at the beach.  We sat alone on a wooden deck that overlooked the San Francisco coastline watching the sunset.  We prayed, asking God if I should go back to CompUSA or work full-time at WYSIWYG.</p>
<p>After about 30 minutes of praying in other tongues, we both agreed that if we did not take a step of faith now, we would look back on that moment 10 years later and say, "I should'a, I could'a, I would'a...."  During this discussion it was obvious that the main sacrifice would be the ability to pay our rent.  Suddenly, we felt a weight lifted off of our hearts.  We began to cry and laugh at the same time.  Without any more words spoken, we both knew that something supernatural had happened.  There was no going back now.  We went straight to my parent's house to explain what was going on.  As we sat in the breakfast nook that evening, my mother said, "God already told your father and I that you two would be living with us".  My parents had generously agreed to let us live with them until the Lord provides another home for us.</p>
<p>My wife and I knew without a shadow of doubt that this was "the perfect will of God" for us.</p>
<p align="right"><img src="http://img523.imageshack.us/img523/1016/robsmallpicsy2.jpg" align="left" height="150" width="123" />Robert Castro is a team leader in sound design for WYSIWYG. He has done sound design for “The Roman Trilogy” and has worked on the development of the Sarah DSD location recorder, and H. Ghost (WYSIWYG’s wave field synthesis theatrical sound system).</p>
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<title><![CDATA[1/20 TFTD ~ On Shoulda, Woulda, Coulda]]></title>
<link>http://gettingpastyourpast.wordpress.com/2008/01/20/120-tftd-on-shoulda-woulda-coulda/</link>
<pubDate>Sun, 20 Jan 2008 16:06:05 +0000</pubDate>
<dc:creator>susangpyp</dc:creator>
<guid>http://gettingpastyourpast.fr.wordpress.com/2008/01/20/120-tftd-on-shoulda-woulda-coulda/</guid>
<description><![CDATA[&#8220;God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the thi]]></description>
<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p><font color="#0000A0">"<strong>God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference</strong>."</p>
<p>When I was moving along, nicely, through my recovery I was working at things about 7 years and then I had a series of losses that rocked me.  I felt as if someone had pulled the plug on my life.  My job was laying off, my adoptive mother, whom I had spent 7 years trying to work on a relationship with, was dying.  I had been looking for my birth family and was getting close when I realized I needed to stop because I could not handle the emotional turmoil in my adoptive family with finding my birth family.  Then my adoptive mother died and 5 months later my dog who was a healthy and happy animal who had protected me and my children after my separation, died suddenly.  Then I resumed my search for my brother and found out that he had died a few years earlier.</p>
<p>
I was living in a different state from my therapist so I found a new one who was an excellent grief therapist.  He was very familiar with grief having lost his first wife suddenly at a young age. We talked about a lot of things.  Seeing him, combined with doing grief groups as outlined in the Grief Recovery Handbook, helped me enormously.  But one conversation in particular struck me.</p>
<p>
It was a day I was full of regret.  I thought about my mother's last day and the nurse had come in to give her some morphine.  Within the hour she died.  I was convinced, for months, that it was that last shot of morphine that killed her.  </p>
<p>My dog had suffered a premature death because, I was convinced, I had made the wrong medical choices for him even though I had made the ones that I was convinced would save his life.  He had a bad, unpredictable reaction to the treatment I had agreed to, and died sooner than expected.  </p>
<p>When I did search for my birth family after my adoptive mother had died, I found that my brother Edward, who was the whole reason for my search, had died a few years later I was upset that I hadn't looked for them earlier.  I had to get "emotionally ready" and in doing so I lost my only chance of seeing my brother again.  <strong>It was all my fault.</strong></p>
<p><strong>Shoulda, Woulda, Coulda</strong></p>
<p><!--more--></p>
<p>I was wracked with guilt and relived those days in the hospitals over and over again.  I relived all the times I thought about searching for Edward but put it down because I wasn't ready to face my birth mother, the person I had to "go through" in order to find him.</p>
<p>I <strong>shoulda </strong>done this...I <strong>woulda </strong>done that...I <strong>coulda </strong>done another thing.</p>
<p>My therapist occasionally shared with me about his wife.  His wife, he told me, was always being teased for being a hypochrondriac.  He told me about one time they went in the ocean and her legs went numb.  She was convinced she was suddenly struck with some sort of muscular disease.  The water was so cold it had numbed her legs, but she was convinced she was dying.  He used to tease her that she was Fred Sanford from Sanford and Son, "I'm coming Elizabeth!" clutching his chest and feigning falling over.</p>
<p>When she woke one night with horrible pains in her back, he attempted to tease her into going back to sleep.  He did his Fred Sanford impression.  She persisted and they went to the hospital where she later died from a heart attack even though she had no history of heart problems and nothing ever indicated that she was in anything but the best of health.</p>
<p>As he told me this story my jaw dropped open.  He beat himself up for months and months even though the doctors said that getting her to the hospital any earlier would not have saved her.  He hated himself for every time he teased her about her hypochrondria.  He hated the hard time he gave her that day at the ocean.  He hated himself trying to joke with her the night she died. He relived it all the time.</p>
<p>Until someone told him that living in the guilt, living in the "<em>coulda woulda shoulda</em>" is a form of denial.  It also gives you the illusion of control over something you had no control over. It allows you to ruminate about something that matters not.  Even if....the circumstances would be the same.  <strong>Even if you did what you think you "<em>shoulda woulda coulda</em>" that does not change the outcome</strong>.  It does not change the circumstances you need to accept today. </p>
<p><strong>If only </strong>I had told the nurse not to give my mother morphine.</p>
<p><strong>If only </strong>I had not insisted on a medical treatment for my dog.</p>
<p><strong>If only </strong>I had searched for my brother years early.</p>
<p>All those "if onlys" and "shoulda woulda coulda"'s did not change the fact that my mother was dead, my dog was dead, my brother was dead.</p>
<p>And by living in what I "<strong>shoulda done, coulda done, woulda done if only</strong>" was keeping me from accepting the loss, grieving the loss, and moving on.  It also gave me the illusion of control where I had none.  </p>
<p><strong>EVEN IF </strong>what I had done was horrible and the absolute WRONG THING, it doesn't change a thing.  My mother was dead, my dog was dead, my brother was dead.  And <strong>THAT</strong> was the reality I needed to worry about.  Those were the losses I needed to grieve because I had sustained those losses and whether or not I was at fault for those losses didn't change the fact that they happened.  They occurred.  And I lost and I needed to mend from those losses no matter who was at fault for them.  </p>
<p>And as convinced as I was that the "<em>if onlys</em>" would have saved whomever, there is no guarantee of that.  I could have insisted the nurse not give the morphine and not only would my mother have <strong>STILL</strong> died, but she would have died in excruciating pain.  I could have insisted that my dog not get the medical treatment he got and he may have died a slower, more lingering death.  I could have looked for my brother earlier and perhaps my appearance would have driven him away and then given me something different to regret when he ultimately died.</p>
<p>In my all-powerful, omnipotent mind, I could change the past by doing x, y, or z.  In my fantasy <em>shoulda, woulda, coulda </em>world, the thing I should have done was the correct thing and would have saved everyone.</p>
<p><strong>But that is not how it goes.</strong></p>
<p>First of all, we don't know that what we <em>shoulda, woulda, coulda </em>done would change a damn thing.  We would like to think we <strong>could have </strong>changed this outcome because we don't like this outcome and we don't like being so powerless.</p>
<p>But even if we could have changed it, <strong>we can't change it now</strong>.</p>
<p>Thinking back on what we <strong>could have done </strong>can serve as a lesson for the future but that is the extent of it.  We can't use it to change the past and we shouldn't use it to beat ourselves up now.  Other than a lesson for the future, living in the "<em>if onlys</em>" does not serve us at all.</p>
<p>Let go the "<strong>shoulda, woulda, coulda</strong>" mindset.  You have <strong>NO IDEA </strong>if you could have saved that which wasn't saved.  You cannot rewrite the past so stop living there.  And in any event, it wasn't saved.  That is the reality.  It's gone and <strong>THAT</strong> is what you need to know and accept. Even if you could have changed things then, you can't change them now.  And now is what matters.  Living in the could have done's gets you nowhere and gains you nothing.  </p>
<p><strong>Live where you can change things: </strong> the present and the future.  Take what you need from the lessons of the past and then face forward.</p>
<p>And stop "shoulding" on yourself and change the things you can change.  And the only thing you can change is <strong>YOU</strong> and not the you that you used to be but the <strong>YOU that you are  now</strong>.</p>
<p><strong>Face forward.</p>
<p>Heal.</p>
<p>Move on.</p>
<p>Find the<em> WISDOM </em>to know the difference of what you can and cannot change.  </p>
<p>Accept what you can't and change what you can.</strong></p>
<p>You can do this.</p>
<p>Peace,<br />
Susan</p>
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